What's the difference between an archaeologist and someone who can't make jam?

One preserves the ruin, the other ruins the preserve.

(I think I'm done now)

What's the difference between Jesus on the Sea of Galilee, and a crooked Revenue Inspector in the hills of Tennessee?

One stills the waves, the other waives the stills.


What's the difference between a woman whose dress is too short, and a TV talk show host whose ratings are declining?

One's slip is showing, the other's show is slipping.



What's the difference between a chrome plater, and a kleptomaniac dishwasher?

One plates steel, the other steals plates.



What's the difference between a supermarket cashier, and a person in Prague who publicizes closeted gays?

One checks out, the other outs Czechs.



What's the difference between a remodeler of Colonial houses, and Anthony Weiner?

One exposes his beams, and the other ... oh heck, there is no difference.


What's the difference between Lady Luck and Barak Obama?

One is Dame Luck, the other is a lame duck.

What's the difference between a man who keeps toupees in a vault and Donald Trump? One is a wig banker.

What is the difference between an eminent Comedian and Donald Trump?
One is a man of infinite jest; the other is an infinite jest of a man.

What is the difference between a Buddist and a Broker?
One heeds the bonds of love; the other heeds the love of bonds.

What is the difference between the stalking of celebrities and the Marquis de Sade?
One is a sin of fans; the other is a fan of sins.

What’s the difference between a healthy garden patch and a Bonanza star?
One’s a green lawn and the other’s Lorne Greene.

(OK, I admit that this is a Spoonerism that I have used in the past ...)

What's the difference between a Chinese meal and tell-tale stains on the sheets?

One is Fried Duck.

What's the difference between the chauffeur of a hunting party and a trigger-happy American cop?

One drives shooters; the other shoots drivers.

1,500 entries. None of us placed. The winners/runners up were, IMO, a mix of the funny and disappointing. It was an enjoyable competition.

How many entries do the weekly and monthly comps in the British magazines and WaPo tend to get? Do we know?

P.S.: Lorne Green! I love it, Jayne.