There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, “It is just as I feared ! —
My detractors still use
Bald-faced liar with Cruz,
Though the rim of my mug’s disappeared.”

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, “It is just as I feared ! —
The world thinks I'm mad,
And even my dad
Believes I should be Britney Speared."

There was an Old Person of Cadiz
Who was always polite to all ladies;
Then one sneered, “Su acento
Es—sin argumento—
Atroz.” He consigned her to Hades.

There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
The length of whose legs was immense;
"I vish dat I had a
Much, much taller ladder,"
Said his tailor, "to fit you fer pents."

There was an Old Person of Cromer
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
Then she said, “Where’s the ball
That gets hit past the wall?
The title must be a misnomer."

Roger, that last one is splendid.

John

There was an Old Man on a hill,
Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
So they put him to sleep
On the back of a sheep
With the help of a powerful pill.

- - -

There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
But she said, 'Goodness' sake!',
As she brandished a snake,
And Gran fled, for the snake was much sterner.

There was an Old Man of Kamschatka
Who possessed a remarkable fat cur.
On Christmas it ate
All the goose on its plate,
On Hanukkah all of the latke.

**

There was an Old Man with a flute,
A sarpint ran into his boot;
He asked the Pied Piper
To cast out the viper
But the Piper did not give a toot.

There was an Old Person of Spain
Who hated all trouble and pain;
His answer? Sangría.
“It's the best panacea,"
He paused between sips to explain.

One more before bed (it's coming up to 1am here) :-)

There was an Old Man with a gong
Who bumped at it all the day long;
So they took it away,
But the very next day
He burst into deafening plainsong.