Personally, I like "hours of fun" there more than "hours of merriment," which overloads the passage with stuffy language. Also, then you have a couple of syllables for getting back the idea that the leisure is "boring": maybe "in hours of fun and boring leisure"?

I see what you mean now. Yes, I agree that "called me out" would suggest a sense you don't want there.

Here I am again, arriving after you and Andrew have done all the hard work (and possibly to say "oh, you've missed a bit").

Like Andrew, I'll just limit myself to the first poem for the moment (and because that's by far my favourite anyway - so far, at least).

And, like Andrew, I think it works really well. ("Love divine, all loves excelling" came powerfully to mind as soon as I started reading). You seem to have the emphases spot on, and not artificially either. My only question would be in L3 - is the stress slightly off on "beyond"? A slightly churlish question, perhaps, given your success in the rest of the poem.

Cheers

David

David, latecomers may still be the life of the party, and that bit I’ve missed may be crucial. Thanks for another vote against “beyond.” I don’t mind it, but if it jars you and Andrew and an editor friend of mine, there must be a problem. For now, I’ve taken the latter’s suggestion, though Andrew thinks that too sounds forced. If you have thoughts about the other two poems, no time will be too late.