Eratosphere - question (moved from Non-Met)

Eratosphere (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/index.php)

- Metrical Poetry (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/forumdisplay.php?f=13)

- - question (moved from Non-Met) (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?t=36363)

Hi Richard,

I like this too. At its face it is a jolly puddle romp. But knowing how some of your past pieces posted here have cast a darker shade over otherwise farcical facades, I did some Googling. I found quite a few hits on "sploshing" sometimes being a reference to the fetish, and even a sexual fetish, with being messy, as in titillation by being pied-in-the-face or being slimed. And not ever having seen the BBC series, Dr. Foster, I found this on Wikipedia, "The storyline was inspired by the ancient Greek myth of Medea, a wronged wife who kills her children and poisons her husband's new bride.[5] " I'm reasonably sure I'm gone way too far into the Googling twilight zone to find such references but you have to admit your past pieces made me do it. FWIW I prefer the piece as an innocent romp, but if it has a more edgy side, would like that too.

All the best,
JIM

Hi Jim,
I can only apologise. It was/is an entirely un-edgy piece (I hope you haven't been too traumatised.)

RG.

Hmm, "excuseful" ain't bad, though I think I'd prefer "full of excuse" (the singular "excuse" would give it an eccentric quality, I think).

Trev

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard G (Post 504802)

Hi Glenn,

This is charming.
Thanks. And I've taken another look at the rhymes/rhythm.

Hi Nick,

No complaints.
Appreciated.

Hi Mark.

A children's poem for adults.
That was the idea, yes.

I wonder if you could lean into that and tweak the few couplets where the rhythm doesn't quite land with a splash.
I've had a lean (thanks) but shame on you for the splash.

Hi Trevor.

I think the simpler "Puddles" would work better and give you a greater impact
You may be right. Testing it now, thanks.

I love "ankling" in particular, by the way. Lovely, creative use of language.
Well, let's see how you feel about 'excuseful'.

Hi Michael.

The only problem I had was the Dr. Foster stanza - I was clueless and would drop it - but that may be me, displaying my age and ignorance.
Or that the source material hasn't travelled far from these shores.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor...(nursery_rhyme)

Thanks all.
Revision posted.

RG.

Hi Trev,

an eccentric quality
To what end? And wouldn't it look more like a typo than an eccentricity.

RG