Here lies the PTL's Jim Bakker.
Since "God don't want no trash,"
We can't help thinking that his Maker
Has flamed his soul to ash.


Howard

For Douglas Adams:

He's gone - why did he have to go, damn it,
when he had the brain the size of a planet.


So long and thanks for all the fish...

Epitaph for a Modest Soul

Fee fie foe fum
So my time to go has come.
Foe fum fee fie
Comes a time we all must die.
Fie foe fum fee
Sighs the world a sigh for me?
Fum fee fie foe
It hardly notices I go.


Jan

I'm on a roll, killing off all the irksome people I know!


She had the most exhaustive store
of where she’d been and what she knew.
On any subject she understood more;
she’d been there, done that ahead of you.
I imagine she’s been to Hell before
and is telling Lucifer what to do.


Carol

That last one might be the best so far, Carol! Very funny! (Liked the one before that too.)

The following bit of doggerel isn't exactly an epitaph (unless it's an epitaph for aesthetic judgement), but maybe I can sneak it in here:

Footnote to a Nightingale:

Keats filled you in on leaden-eyed despairs
Fever, palsy and frets, but never said
How Vanity saves a few sad, long, grey hairs
And pastes them across the head.


[This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited May 22, 2001).]

-My Dad`s not here-
(A golfer never happier nor drunker)
His ashes are in a bunker

Although I had no gift for sports,
he made me shiver in my shorts
through rain and hail and sleet and snow,
berating me for being slow.
Now Mr. Dicker's good and dead,
I come to damn the bullethead
to some dark Hell wherein, for all
eternity, a rugby ball
smacks endlessly against his wet
and goosebumped thighs. I don't forget.

Bravo, Clive! No doubt you know the saying "those who can, do; those who can't, teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym." But I've often thought that it isn't failed teachers who end up teaching gym -- it's the failed fascist dictators. (Let me add that I had a very decent and intelligent gym teacher once.)
I hope it's OK if I contribute yet another epitaph:

Here lies the corpse of Jimmy Swaggart,
Food for bacterium and maggot
He hoped to be reborn again
And use some tart as porn again.




[This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited May 23, 2001).]

They had to hire a JCB,
this plot's so wide and long.
For here lies every single man
who ever did me wrong.

***

Here lies Bakker, Tammy Faye.
Don't laugh - she chose to look that way.

Here lies kooky Ronny Reagan,
(although weird no space alien),
one of GOP's great social climbers,
much improved by his Alzheimer's.