I do survive on bread and bean
and leek, and anything that's green.
My pastas, soups, and pizzas are
as good as any, near or far.
The secrets stuffed in my burrito
easily compete with meat, so
don't think I don't cook gourmet--
I do it all the veggie way.
Tasty burgers on my grill
do not require that someone kill
a creature who just wants to graze
and live in peace throughout its days.
Cows and pigs and gentle lambs
will likely wind up steaks and hams,
and every day I mourn their fate.
You'll never see them on my plate.

Roman-Jewish artichokes surpass
a slice of any bloody bullock’s arse.
Carciofi alla giudia represent
the peak of sensuous accomplishment.
The crisp and golden outer petals hide
the creamy paradise that lurks inside.
Beauty and gastronomic bliss combine
to enliven history and intertwine
two ancient peoples who unite to say
When in Rome do it the Jewish way.

[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited June 01, 2004).]

A Roman-Jewish artichoke?
That must be some kind of joke.
Jews came up with Genesis...
but never anything like this.
Moses, famous as the Giver
of the Bible and chopped liver,
and who stuttered when he spoke,
was never fond of artichoke.
How could Jews collaborate
with Romans? Please elaborate.
I maintain it’s all a fiction
rooted in the Crucifixion.
Next you’ll tell me, you’re so dotty,
Jews invented manicotti!

Is eating meat so truly awful?
Everyday I seem to waffle.
It must be better than falafel,
and as for beets, I’ve had my craw full.
True, I am roused to acts unlawful
by seeing creatures chained in coffle.
Still, liver and lights, though they sound awful,
aren’t bad at all, for bits of offal.

Who knew there was a rhyme for offal?
But Jody seems to have a drawerful.

*

I am a vegetarian
by outlook and belief.
Only a barbarian
would turn from fruit and leaf
to fill his craw with carrion,
and yet, since life is brief
and I'm no seminarian,
at times I dine on beef.

Roger,
I speak not of Topinambour.
Jerusalem artichoke mis-called
from Girasole, a sunflower
in cockney parlance badly mauled.
That tuber caused intense confusion--
far from carciofo, mixed somehow--
since each links in daisy-chain’s profusion.
The tuber hides its evil power.
Was that the dog or was it me?
Nobody moves a muscle but
since every diner well may be
the culprit, they all blame the mut.
________
*Helianthus Tuberosus
Topinambour
related to sunflower and wrongly called
Jerusalem artichoke because its flavour was
perceived by some to resemble the
Cynara Scolymus
carciofo= globe artichoke used for carciofi alla giudia.
Girasol is Spanish for “turn to the sun”
sunflower. Jerusalem is a corruption of girasol.
________

I cannot tell the history of Rome.
For centuries the city was the home
of many Jewish people, though dissension
and persecution grew with mounting tension.
Their gift to gastronomic poetry
is praised by Romans with sincerity.
Belli, the Roman people’s sonneteer
wrote of the dish all Romans hold most dear.
There’s not a single christian king or prince
who hasn’t always loved carciofi since
carciofi alla giudia came to be
a symbol to all of Rome’s sublimity.
Nun c’e principe o re, cristiano che sia
che nun magni carciofi alla giudia.


[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited June 01, 2004).]

OK my showing off caused indigestion.
Who’s going to wake things up now? That’s the question.
A little flummery or spice may save
this series from a desultory grave.
A bit of how's your father, or some sauce
may steer this shambles back upon its course.

I say, I say, was that your wife I saw
spread out unconscious on the bar room floor?

Come on you others even up the score.

A Kid's Eye View of Vegetables


Spinach, you can save for Popeye;
Carrots, give 'em to Bugs Bunny;
If you would serve me veggies--stop!
I lust for treats as sweet as honey.

So have your veggies cooked in soups,
Or steamed or boiled--that's just dandy.
But give to me the five food groups:
Cookies, ice cream, pie, cake, candy!

You kids will eat your broccoli right now.
I’ve had it with your tantrums. I have stood
over a hot stove just for you. It’s rude
to play with food. Popeye got power
from cans of spinach and I will strike KAPOW!*@#
if you don’t eat your broccoli. Look out,
if you don’t eat it you’ll be a politician.
They don’t eat broccoli. I keep on dishin’
the greens each day to save you from a fate
much worse than death. So eat what’s on your plate.

I will not eat my broccoli, Ms. Kenny,
regardless of how wittily cajoled.
You can't kapow remotely, and you're many
kilometers from me - so you can scold,

but I refuse to swallow bonsai trees.
I might express myself a bit less cockily
if you were here, not safely overseas--
but as it is, the devil take your broccoli!