Offhand and metrically botched, but:


Beowulf and Grendel


The script so lamejjjjj its lazy-assed language
idle and bloatedjjjjj with idiom idiotic
shoveled like shitjjjjj from shoat-pens neglected
Deadwood dialoguejjjjj down the Shield-Dane’s throat

I tilted my jumbojjjjj tub ’gainst the terror
battered that screen-scourgejjjjj with butter-bud blasts
maelstrom of maize-firejjjjj mad for vengeance
the ushers slippingjjjjj slung down in the slush

and as God, being greatjjjjj makes the east-heavens glow
a light from the lobbyjjjjj lessened our suffering
and the manager movedjjjjj to refund our money
as justly we jerkedjjjjj that limb from its joint


jjjjj

LOL, Jack. Points for "screen-scourge" and the clever ending.

Did you really walk out of the movie and get your money back? It was that bad? And badly allegorical?

The Spirit of Beowulf Possesses Janet


Sympathy for Grendel

When I was small, a clap of thunder
sent me ducking for cover under
a flowering jacaranda tree,
where Grendel lay in wait for me.

..........Hwaet! The hateful.....man-bane hid
..........shrouded in shadow,.....plotting shameful,
..........murderous deeds......A mite of a maid
..........entered his dark.....den of death.

Over the grassy, sheltered ground
he'd laid a picnic blanket down.
Politely he invited me
to join him in an early tea.

..........Feasting on gore,.....the foul fiend
..........tore at a corpse.....with tusk and talon.
..........Bewitched with fear.....of his wicked ways,
..........the maid could not move.....nor make a sound.

His eyes were wet and blue as flowers.
We sat and supped and talked for hours.
I dried his tears and held his hand.
"Some people just don't understand."

..........Gorged on the ghastly.....remains of a Geat,
..........the horrible hell-spawn.....spied the human.
..........Rolling his eyes.....and roaring with rage,
..........he clasped the maid.....with clenching claws.

Amid the summer evening songs
of butcher-birds and currawongs,
the creaking of the garden gate
reminded me that I was late.

..........I, Beowulf,.....unarmed and unaided,
..........rushed to the lair.....to wrestle the ravenous
..........devil, defying.....death with daring.
..........Lo, the coward.....released the lass.

As gold and coral streaked the sky,
we fondly hugged and said goodbye,
and to this day, I can't forget
the gentle monster I once met.

..........The beast was strong......Our strife and struggle
..........rocked the righteous.....ramparts of heaven
..........for nine days.....and nine nights.
..........Yea, verily.....the villain was vanquished.
.....




[This message has been edited by Rose Kelleher (edited July 14, 2006).]

Rose, that's beowunderful.
Janet

Hi Rose
I LOVE this one about Janet!!!!!
Mary

Rose, your poem is great!!! I love the way you balance the two registers - really really impressive.

Will you guys quit complimenting me and post something Beowulfy?!

(Blushes, secretly adoring the compliments but still hoping people will take up the challenge)

Here's a stab at it:

[Sorry to remove this after all these years, but I've decided to try to do something with the poem.]