Fun stuff! Here's one I wrote a few years ago. It was published in an e-zine called garbanzo! The first stanza is a dedication, not part of the poem. Like Henry, I'm entertained by spammers' names.

Spamtoum

For Camshaft Cohen, Earline Gee,
Cook Bullocks, Busby Salazar,
Spigot P. Toxicity
and others who know who they are.

The Last Wish of a Dying Man
Get an iPod nano Free!
Cheap Viagra. Tryptophan.
Why are you ignoring me?

Get an iPod nano Free!
Do you wish for lager Breasts?
Why are you ignoring me?
I need to get this off my chest

Do you wish for lager Breasts?
They’re beautiful looking rich chiffon
I need to get this off my chest
Urgent message from Amazon

They’re beautiful looking rich chiffon
This could be your lucy day!
Urgent message from Amazon
Cut your bills the Christian way

This could be your lucy day!
This thing here could change your life
Cut your bills the Christian way
Hide cable watching from your Wife

This thing here could change your life
Trojans everywhere slay them all
Hide cable watching from your Wife
ha ha your penis is so small

Trojans everywhere slay them all
My sylvan swim go private snog
ha ha your penis is so small
you fat ass stochastic frog

my sylvan swim go private snog
"You’ve Been Sent an Insta-Kiss!"
you fat ass stochastic frog
Get rid of messages like this

"You’ve Been Sent an Insta-Kiss!"
Cheap Viagra. Tryptophan.
Get rid of messages like this
The Last Wish of a Dying Man

And, 'he is trampling on the village where the great giraffe is stored'.

And here's the Edwin Morgan

jollymerry
hollyberry
jollyberry
merryholly
happyjolly
jollyjelly
jellybelly
bellymerry
hollyheppy
jollyMolly
marryJerry
merryHarry
hoppyBarry
heppyJarry
boppyheppy
berryjorry
jorryjolly
moppyjelly
Mollymerry
Jerryjolly
bellyhoppy
jorryhoppy
hollymoppy
Barrymerry
Jarryhappy
happyboppy
boppyjolly
jollymerry
merrymerry
merrymerry
merryChris
ammerryasa
Chrismerryas

MERRY CHRYSANTHEMUM

"The Computer's First Christmas Card" Edwin Morgan, 1968.


[This message has been edited by John Whitworth (edited November 29, 2008).]

John - here's the authorized version.

The Drapes of Roth
(Alan Sherman)

I'll sing to you a story of a great man of the cloth,
His name was Harry Lewis and he worked for Irving Roth,
He died while cutting velvet on a hot July the fourth,
His cloth goes marching on.

cho: Glory, glory, Harry Lewis,
Glory, glory Harry Lewis,
Glory, glory, Harry Lewis,
His cloth goes shining on!

Harry Lewis perished in the service of his lord,
He was trampling through the warehouse where the drapes of Roth are stored,
He had the finest funeral his union could afford,
His cloth goes shining on!

With the fire raging 'bout him, Harry stood by his machine,
And when the fireman broke in, they discovered him between,
A pile of roasted dacron and some french fried gabardine,
His cloth goes shining on!



[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited December 02, 2008).]

Well, Remonstrance J. Whitworth, it's a matter of opinion. Of course Clive James's piece is more a flight of whimsy than a serious complaint; and certainly if "Windows is shutting down" strikes you as an odd sentence, then that's how it strikes you. Likewise if it strikes you as not all THAT odd, so that a 16-line poem in response repeating the joke over and over looks to you like overkill, then that's how it looks to you.

Catherine, I think your Spamtoum is great! I have a Spam Triolet languishing somewhere. And my Irish surrealist chum Flann O'Leary wrote a Spam Diptych using (so he says) words from the random list received in a spam email.

I think my "Babelfish and Chips" in The Chimaera a while back was a kind of computer poem.

Frivolity H. Quince

Luisa A. Igloria has an absolutely stunning poem like this in the current Umbrella, "E-mail to the Tender Committee of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation"

Scroll down: http://www.umbrellajournal.com/winte...A.Igloria.html

=====

And there's Maryann's marvelous "To the Porn Spammers" in a Bumbershoot:

http://www.umbrellajournal.com/summe...nSpammers.html

=====

and "Shopping Online" by Thomas Rodes

http://www.umbrellajournal.com/summe...ingOnline.html

Sick-Click

My E-Mail tells me what I miss -
The Insta-love - the Insta-kiss.
On floppy, hard drive, CD-ROM -
the torrid tapes of Pam and Tom.

I'm urged to purchase Inches-Mo'
to make my puny penis grow!!
If I subscribe to WebSite X
I'll ALWAYS score the hottest sex.

College Girls with Camera's Rolling -
Join Them in Their Naked Strolling!!
Fresh Farm-Girls Grab It By the Horn!!
(No wonder Daisy's jeans were torn)

Increase Your Girth, Increase Your Size
Viagra Makes the Flaccid Rise.
I'm so confused by all these clicks -
Why DO they send such mail to chicks?

I read the titles, I delete;
Amazed, I hear the voice repeat,
"You have mail and it's disgraceful."
I find it all just so distasteful.

But wait - this ad - it speaks to ME -
You, Too, Can Bounce Like Brittney.
I wonder ...hmmmm...no it's absurd!!
Smart girls don't trust the written word.

I read the small-print guarantee -
A Chest to Defy Gravity.
It's not just men who can be rubes -
Two hundred bucks - I'll buy me boobs.

IP

IP upon you my IP
Not in IP - tetrameter
For one less stress will do for me
And that is my parameter

You say the site cannot be found
And what I want I cannot see
A 404 - your server's down
Upon you my IP IP

Your server keeps on going down
You cannot get it up for me
I'll change IP - your chance is blown
IP upon you my IP

Our love has died - it's sad for me
I cannot get it up for thee
IP IP IP IP
(It has one use left yet I see...)

Which reminds me of two jokes

Spike Milligan's classic...

Patient: I'm worried my p****s is too small
Doctor: Does it hurt when you pee?
Patient: No
Doctor: I should use it just for that then

More obliquely - John Cooper-Clarke's

Doctor: I'm afraid Mr Jones you will have to stop masturbating
Patient: Why?
Doctor: I'm trying to do a medical examination here




[This message has been edited by Philip Quinlan (edited December 19, 2008).]