A burger is naked without it,
a cracker is, too, and sliced ham,
and cutlets of eggplant, don't doubt it,
can't lack it. I'm certain. I am.

For what is the point of omitting
the crown from the king's royal head?
If you are the queen, it's unfitting
to doff your tiara. 'Nuff said.

So bring on the cheese. Don't begrudge it.
God in his heaven decrees it.
It's tasty, and fits any budget.
And dinner improves when you cheese it.

Er... Marion and Bob, is 'cutting the cheese' really a euphemism for farting, in the US?
Oh, my husband just looked over my shoulder and said it is. (I'm too ladylike and sophisticated to know that. His words, the sarcastic bug*er :rolleyes:)

...but in this case I agree that the bride should cut the cheese - it's funnier!

The odor
is not Japanese -
Limburger?

bright orange
quintessence of craft
mac and cheese

Funnier? Maybe. But not ladylike and sophisticated.

Bob, I think this stanza is by far the best, and the poem would benefit if you cut the rest. Not only would it stand alone as a neat little epigram, but it evokes Nash's "Candy is dandy..." no doubt intentional?

Bob,
I can't quite see this working with Lucy, because in the UK 'Gouda' normally rhymes with 'chowder'. Are you seeing 'Buddha ate Gouda' like 'Boo-der ate 'Goo-der'?
Sorry for being a party-pooper - and I could be wrong anyway, but I thought I'd just point this out. To the average Brit this reads like 'Budder ate Gow-der', which doesn't rhyme at all.

Thanks, Marion. I did mean to invoke Nash, and I did mean it to stand alone, but I figured it was too short to win so I padded out the concept. But now that Jayne weighs in with the British pronunciation (thanks, Jayne), I suppose it's a lost cause at the Speccie in any event.

Ah well. Separated by a common language, once again...
But you can probably find a home for it this side of the pond.
(Lucy doesn't seem to like the short ones anyway, does she? Maybe she doesn't like paying £30 for 4 lines...)

It's not the British pronunciation. It's the Dutch one, isn't it? Well, more or less. I think. Have we a Dutch person in the house?

Marion, I once won with a four-liner, which is when John taught me the meaning of "multo in parvo." Writing four good lines is hard enough, I find, but writing sixteen of them is even harder, so I always try to get my entries over with in as few lines as possible.

I couldn't download the mp3 yet to check the pronunciation. But I do know that I've always said boo-duh and goo-duh, whether I've been right or wrong.

Bob,
I checked out the site and the Dutch almost say it like 'how-duh', but it's definitely more of an 'ou' sound than an 'oo' sound in 'Gouda'.

Pronunciation changes like fashions, though! Only recently we had the very sudden shift from 'Chilly' (Chile) to 'Chill-ay' - so who can say how Gouda will be pronounced henceforth? Saying it to rhyme with 'chowder' might just as suddenly have gone out of fashion for all I know! But we definitely say 'Bood-er' (as in good) for Buddha, which is still a bit of a stretch from goo-duh.

Bob, the link I posted gave audio files of three Dutch native speakers who pronounce it gowduh, as Jayne said. There was also a Canadian speaker, who pronounced it "gooda".

I checked Websters and Random House, who both give "gooda". I've never heard it any other way (till now). So though it won't fly for the Speccie, your poem could definitely find a gouda home this side of the pond. :D (sorry)

Your poem inspired this one by me. Not a cheese poem, more of a theological meditation, if you will.

Christ
is nice.
But Buddha
is cuddha.

Churchill had a fine way with foreign names. He called Hitler's lot the Nahzees and he called three places in France Mar-sails, Lions and Hayver. And Callice, no doubt.

I just recorded the US pronounciation on the site I mentioned above:

http://www.forvo.com/word/gouda/

The Cheese Lover's Guide

Serve Brie
with Chablis,
and gouda
with chowda.

So long ago, I raised to your sweet lips
A perfect fruit, that heart-shaped strawberry.
You bit its sweetness, laughing; as for me,
I kissed the chin that ran with juicy drips.
Then stupidly I let us part and drift,
But now life's proved far kinder than I'd thought.
We've met again, and this time I have brought
No strawberries but this cheese, a riper gift.

Age has increased its flavour, and its power
To thrill the senses with a charm mature,
And subtleties excitingly impure,
Well-suited to life's after-dinner hour,
Which calls for candlelight and dark red wines,
And laughter and rich slivers of ripe cheese.
Dare I beg you to share such joys as these?
Accept my gift. Forgive these cheesy lines.

You bought her a Stilton, didn't you? And did it work?

On the Gouda pronunciation issue, I remember a Dutch friend pronouncing it 'Howder', or even 'Howter' but with a ferocious throat-rasping quality to the initial consonant. Over here, the COD has it as 'gowder', which precludes a perfect rhyme with 'Buddha', either in BE (vowel sound of 'put', or as Jayne noted, 'good') or in AE (vowel sound of 'zoo') Damn! I always half thought it was 'Budder' in BE.

Speccie: Cheese, Gouda
 

A bit late to this wonderful thread, but I can confirm that the Dutch pronounce Gouda to rhyme with "howdah", with a difficult guttural (gch) in place of the "h". Americans say "goo-dah". This prompted a little meditation on the prevalence of the word cheese ("kaas") in Dutch.

Susan, that's a good one! Interesting cultural linguistic factoid. Like the Eskimos having 20 words for snow!

George, I bet yours is in the money.

Yes, good to hear from the Netherlands, (ah, Alkmaar, mon amour) Susan, and thanks for the pronunciation confirmation. Guttural about sums it up - never recovered after hearing what the Dutch do the innocent word 'weg'.

Thanks for that, Marion, though judging by my recent lack of success...

John asks if the cheese was a Stilton. Alas, it was fictional, but I imagined something very French and rather oozy.