Sorry to be late to the party--these are great! Thanks for starting this thread.

Ha! Pilgaric, from the Italian, shiny peeled garlic. Checking my hairline, my mother often muttered her hatred of it. So I obeyed.

Still hairy,
Ralph

Oh, well, I might as well be hanged for a goat as a kid.

Jacob’s ladder to success

My brother Esau is a hairy man,
But that’s no reason why he should inherit
The goats, the wives, the whole damned caravan.
What has the fellow ever done to merit
Such preferential treatment, other than
Emerging first, as furry as a ferret?
The firstborn gets the lot since time began;
It isn’t fair, you’d think at least we’d share it.
But I’ve just rescued from the garbage can
A goatskin body-stocking; when I wear it,
Old sightless Isaac, father of our clan,
Will think I’m Esau - from the smell, he’d swear it.
With antiquated fingers, he will scan
My hirsute form, right down to pubic hair. It
Can hardly fail, for his attention-span
Is feebler than a goldfish in midair; it
Will be a lucrative investment plan -
Although I’m not intending to declare it.

... and while I'm at it, I might as well go for the jugular.

Barber-shop Song

For a hair-do where the whirl is,
Come to us at “Short & Curly’s”;
We’re the barber-shop just next to “Burger Queenie”.
We can style you, we can shave you,
We can permanently wave you,
We do hair that’s fine, or coarse, or in-betweeny;

We do long hair, we do short hair,
We make lovely wigs of bought hair,
Dark or blonde, they’re always glistening and sheeny.
As our champagne fountain dribbles,
We will give you tasty nibbles
Of tarama on a freshly-toasted blini.

While you’re waiting in the salon,
There’s Chianti by the gallon,
And we’ll play you soothing pieces by Puccini.
Or if literature’s your fancy,
We have Smollett, Follett, Clancy,
And we’ve even got the works of Seamus Heaney.

We will do you to perfection
A capillary confection
(Say goodbye to hair like strings of fettucini),
And with coiffeuristic science,
We can finish special clients
With a stylish razor-cut - just ask for “Sweeney”.

Brian, you are a wonder and a pleasure and also grrrr a rival for the spondulicks. (Old word put in to raise the hackles of the good Bazza.)

Thank you, John, but don't worry about the spondulicks. It's been my impression ever since I started entering their competition that the LitRev has declared a fatwah against the name Al-Gar.

These things are very odd, Brian. For three years I tried the LitRev comps and didn't win a thing. And then, same judge, I started to do better. Specciewise I had a wonderful year last year and this one, a single solitary cheque. Well, at least there was one.

Off The Top Of My Head

Ponder now this paradox:
My hair flows freely, but has locks.

My hair remains, but broken-hearted,
I see that it's already parted.
.
.

Dear Lit. Rev.
Please send Brian the money now so that the rest of us can stop wasting our time creating molehills in the shadow of his Mount Olympus of an entry.

Martin, thank you for those fine words. But I've just looked at my parsnips, and what they say is true.

Spondulicks? One of my very favorite words, John, along with hoosegow. I believe I first encountered it in a Leslie Charteris 'Saint' book, probably one that included his gun- & booze-crazy American sidekick Hoppy Uniatz. (Incidentally, my experience with the LR was comparable to yours – an age to get my first win, then a long winning streak. But this year, fuck-all.)

Basil, never mind the LitRev - Leslie Charteris! The Saint! (The original books, of course, not the pallid television or film versions.) And .... Hoppy Uniatz! A man whose verbal infelicities are, to coin a phrase, a joy forever.

The only time I ever saw this word in the USA was in the "Coin World" (coin collecting hobbyist newspaper) in the 1960's and 1970's; where a dealer would often write that he was pursuing "the eluisive spondulix". After several years, I found out from an old-time local dealer, that spondulicks (or the -x version) was originally slang for the 1860's Civil War fractional currency notes, which were 3 to 50 cent Federal currency issued because the public was hoarding all the low denimination silver coins. These old fractional notes are hardly rare, so the dealer in the paper was in pursuit of the elusive current cash.

Odd that it is still current in the UK, since the US fractional notes were redeemed ca. 1873. But Canada issued 50 cent fractionals from about 1900 thru the 1920s, so maybe "spondulicks" migrated up there?

"Hoosegow" is still current, though I like the local term "crowbar hotel" better.

By the way, re. the political comp. on a different thread, is the word "gerrymander" used in the UK?

Hoosegow is quite common still. It's from the Spanish word "juzgado," or "judged."

Douglas, 'gerrymander' is still current here in political and parliamentary contexts. I'd assumed it was from Northern Island, but Massachusetts 1812 and Governor Gerry + salamander from the shape of a district
on a political map, it seems.

Somebody suggests that spondulicks is Greek, from the Greek word for shell. You know, cowrie shells. Except that it isn't.

To be honest I don't think the word is really current, though I heard it on the wireless in the 1950s, I think. Perhaps the Goon Show.

I use it. I use it often. I think it is a word that poor people reach for in the context of monetary acquisition, it having overtones of nonsense and imagination.

Is there a word to capture the pang of realising - as I did in the wee small hours - that one has missed a competition deadline, despite having written (and had helpfully reviewed here) an entry, well in advance?
I think there should be.

...nulliposteratosphericxstentialisturmundrangst, or somesuch?

(tears hair, strides loudly about room uttering wild-eyed oaths, flings self weeping manfully upon horsehair couch) :mad::eek::(

I shall console myself with the hoped-for success of other Eratospherians in this comp, which by form shown here seems likely.

Ah Ann. You use it and I use it. It is therefore current among the educated classes.

John, I don't think I use it, but I'd like to get me 'ands on it. Does that make me a member of the semi-educated classes?