This is another one Lucy is going to hell for.

This, as Joyce might say, is a work in progress.

Must true Brit kiss Euro arse? Must tart thin wine rack beer guts when warm ales rule here! Must bold Brit fawn, lick Euro boot? Nope! Ever nope!

Alas, alas! Care worn soft slug, tame toad, bend down your head. Shall evil envy seal your doom? Shall ugly Huns boss sons? Shall oily Wops take jobs? Shall idle gits from land afar rule here? Shall wily nobs from over sour salt seas grow rich from rape, from riot, from such foul play that mars each rank drug fest. Defy! Deny! Make void! Walk tall! Take holy oath – over your dead body. This vile no-no must pass away.

Make hard fist. Kick butt. Slay Tory pigs that turn blue coat. Slay reds from dull dolt guru Marx. Slay gaga wind farm fans. Vote free fair isle that fits this fine hero race. Vote snug. Vote warm. Vote cosy Nige! Vote UKIP!

Can't speak for Lucy, John, but I'd say these, by rights, should be: 'jackboot', 'care-worn', 'nobhead', 'overseas' and 'turncoat'. 'Brit' and 'Tory' also need capitals.

Sorry, but I think some of your four letter words... aren't! :o

Don't be difficult, Jayne. A rule is meant to be broken. What is the difference between a knob and a nob?

Please, Jayne - don't go there! :eek:

Ann,

Thanks for giving me a good Monday morning laugh :D

John,
Ann's right; far be it from me to answer your question!

I'm glad you were well brought up, Jayne. I've actually changed the thing taking in some of the wise things you said. Is Wop more insulting and less pc than Wog? But of course this isn't me speaking. It's a vile Farage-ist.

When Theo sits down, Gran says, "Oiks will come." “What oiks?" Theo asks idly. Esme says, "Ewan told Gran that lots near Hyde Hall will turn into this huge mall next June." "With pubs," adds Gran, "Oiks will swig beer next door!" This daft cant that Gran buys from Ewan irks Theo. “Come, dear, none dare. Hyde Mall? What tosh,” Theo tuts. “More like Hyde Hell,” says Gran, eyes wide. "Look, Hyde Hall will stay sans oiks," Theo vows. “Mobs will shop here,” cries Gran, wild. “Neon near your neat, trim nest? This auld home, chez nous? Oafs less ruly than rats will park, roam, stay late; nosy cows will poke onto your turf. Foil this plan!” "Ahem, Gran,” coos Esme, “more meds?” Then, past nine, Esme sews, Theo nods. “Rats,” says Gran, soft. “Rich toff toad, snob wife, boat, polo pony, four ugly kids. Suit them both fine, that.”

Frank

Of all the pieces posted here, yours flows most naturally, Frank. It must win, along with Jayne's.

According to that great cricketer, Matthew Hoggard, Tony Blair is 'a bit of a nob'. I don't think he meant upper-class, do you?

"Shall" in John's and "swill" in Frank's are one letter too long. I hope my editorial eye is that sharp where my own effort is concerned. This comp finds this chap edgy, wary. (I had to re-read that sentence several times to spot the disqualifying word.)

**********

It occurs to me belatedly that "swig" might be a viable replacement for "swill." Not sure what to substitute for "shall."