On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

Twelve Aluma Wallets
Eleven Bacon Genies
Ten Candy Wizards
Nine Do Daddies
Eight Easy Reaches
Seven Forearm Forklifts
Six Grout Aide Markers
Five Hang Rites
Four Inspiration Bands
Three Johnny Carsons
Two Kid Switch Doubles
And a Lateral Thigh Trainer.

http://www.asseenontv.com/

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

A present AS SEEN ON TV!
Two Kid Switch Doubles
Three Johnny Carsons
Four Inspiration Bands
Five Hang Rites
Six Grout Aide Markers
Seven Forearm Forklifts
Eight Easy Reaches
Nine Do Daddies
Ten Candy Wizards
Eleven Bacon Genies
Twelve Aluma Wallets

That link isn't working for me, Sam. I'm getting

You have reached a page that is not available. Click here for previous page

but the 'previous page' link doesn't work either.

I'm intrigued about 'Do Daddies' and 'Kid Switch Doubles' - and most of the above things, actually! :)

Here' 'tis:

http://www.asseenontv.com/

Got it; thanks, Sam. It's too funny for words (and pretty much what I expected).

But you forgot to include 'The Potty Patch'! (My daughter has a new puppy - now I've found the perfect present for her. Heehee :D)

HOW have I managed to live this long without a Bacon Genie, I ask myself? And Bright Feet Lighted Slippers and an Ageless Sleep Pillow are also on my Christmas wish-list!

Sam, this will win or I'll eat my groutinator.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Twelve cherry brandies
Eleven Margaritas
Ten dry martinis
Nine white wine spritzers
Eight cans of lager
Seven pints of Guinness
Six double whiskies
Five small ports
Four ginger wines
Three whisky sours
Two rum punch
And Rohypnol to make double sure. The bastard.

And so will this. You lot are too damn good.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas My (Occupying) True Love Sent to Me:

(forgive the unabashed Amer-o-centricism)

Twelve "I Was Stomped in the Face at Davis" DVD's
Eleven Goose-Step Dolls with Voo Doo Pins
Ten Grey Pony-Tailed Protest Provocateurs
Nine U of Cal in your Face Flunkies
Eight Crates of Anti-Mace Mesh
Seven Taped Trotskyite Soliloquies
Six Sound Tracks of Mauled and Moaning Humanity
Five Fibs Favored by The Fissiporous Free Press
Four Puling Poli Sci Majors from Pismo Beach
Three Thrashed and Throttled but Loquacious Victims
Two Titanium Tweezers for Tweeking Cops' Nose Hairs
One Pin the Ears on the Obama-'What Me Worry?' Ass

John, are these ads (or similar ones) seen in England? If so, I may wish for some success from Dame Lucy. But I will arrange the lyrics for the annual English Dept. Christmas party, if I can find 12 good men and women true. It's not quite as bad as singing madrigals, right?