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Naw. It won't work as Free Verse. Mind you, nothing much does. The Spectator on line seems to think thatTed Hughes is a champion of free verse. Blind ignorance perhaps?
Would Ogden Nash count as free verse? One could do an Ogden Nashery. |
John, I'm thinking after all of using your "sapphically" instead of the original imperfect rhyme "dogmatically". Of course, it could be objected that sapphics aren't free verse, but I might get away with it. What do you think?
"Free verse", said the Poetess sapphically, "Is the bees' knees", and smiled seraphically. But it gets up my nose, for it’s really just prose That’s been buggered about typographically. Needless to say, this wipes out the entire trillion that you owed me. (And yes, this is actually a limerick, but I had to combine 2 lines to stay within the overall 16-line limit.) P.S. Ogden Nash? But he rhymes and (somewhat) scans all over the place! |
Removed to avoid 'prior publication'
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Though some say free verse is sublime
(and I have to admit I like Whitman), the fact of the matter is most of the time I don't really like it one bit, man, precisely because it is true what they say that the poet of free verse has freedom to share all his thoughts in a straightforward way, but I do not enjoy them or need 'em. I'd much rather see what a poet can make. If it doesn't have music, I'd rather cut off my ears or go jump in a lake than listen to free-flowing blather. |
Brian, I hesitate to say it, but isn't the second line a syllable short? Perhaps 'and beamed quite...'
I was thinking of Ogen's rhyming lines of variable length. But they're not free, since they rhyme. Mcgonnegal (however he is actually spelt)? |
If you want your work remembered, make it scan;
Compose it on a solid metric plan. Although free verse today is highly prized, You’ll find vers libre is rarely memorized. If you want your poems quoted, make ’em rhyme; It pays to take a little extra time To make the endings of your latest ditty Chime in a manner critics praise as witty. You should also try to make your readers smile, Even if you think it isn’t worth your while; Buffoonery provides a pleasant tingle That resurrects the most insipid jingle. But if you find this guidance way too tough; Or, mentally, you’re never bright enough To figure out a decent rhyme and meter, Then get a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter. |
John, I hear 'smiled' as one of those words that can be pronounced as one or (almost) two syllables - in this case, 'smi-aled'. But I'll consider a possible replacement. 'Simpered'? 'Sniggered'? No, I think it would be hard to do either of those seraphically.
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Plus the last two lines need quotation marks? |
Peter, I think you're confusing the wretched Poetess with the 'I'. She is praising it in inverted commas. I am damning it (and her) with none. Perhaps it would be clearer like this?
"Free verse", said the Poetess sapphically, "Is the bees' knees", and simpered seraphically. But it gets up my nose, for it’s really just prose That’s been buggered about typographically. |
When trying for a rhyme with -aphically, I tend to find that -athically works well: e.g., psychopathically, telepathically, polymathically, etc.
Susan |
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