I’d have had the dame as a dope fiend if it hadn’t been for the bottle of giggle-juice in her hand: ‘Drink Me’, it said. Seemed she’d done just that. She was a dish, I guess. Dressed like a real classy pro skirt anyways, but talked crazy.
‘You’re a caterpillar,’ she said.
‘Sure I am, sweetheart.’ I took a long drag on my juju pipe. ‘And who are you?’
She shrugged ‘I know from nothin’ anymore.’
I’m telling you, this kid was a mess.
‘Being so many different sizes in one day sure makes you jingle-brained, you know.’
I pulled out a couple bags of mushroom. ‘This’ll sort your noodle, kitten.’
She took a glom at the dope. ‘What does it do?’
I jerked a nod at the bag in my right flipper. ‘This one’ll make you high,’ I said. ‘And this one will too.’

Brian, the tale of Eeyore's tail is more than somewhat nicely done but I do not think Damon Runyon counts as a purveyor of the hard-boiled...

Shhh, Gregory - don't tell Lucy!