Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
just how many I'd had, I made the bathroom floor all beery.


The sea is calm tonight.
Let's go clamming.

Life was Too Much Wife

Here dead we lie because we did not choose
to countenance betrayal by Ted Hughes.

My Grades Suck

The weeping Pleiads wester,
bewailing last semester.

The 50s, continued

Stars, I have seen them fall;
So much for Nembutal.

Not Quite the Same Problem

I to my perils;
Martha to Merrill's.

Here once the embattled farmers stood.
The sheep observed, "They're poppin' wood."

To a New England Folk Hero

There was a young man from Nantucket,
who would tease about sex, and then duck it.


This One is Lovely, Dark and Deep

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright,
Swedish girls are dynamite!

American Therapy

When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes,
Relax. Go home. Get naked. Have some pies.

Shelley Cautions Keats

Life, like a dome of many colored glass,
When sat upon will lacerate your ass.

On Lyrical Effusion

Piping down the valleys wild
Incontinence my pants defiled.

[This message has been edited by Chris Childers (edited February 06, 2004).]

message removed

Blanket Hog

"Why so pale and wan, fond lover?"
"I'm freezing cold! Quit hogging the cover!"

Stop me! Help me! I'm addicted!


Frost’s Fear

I found a dimpled spider, fat and white:
Did God design this creature out of spite?

An Unearned Ode

Thou still unravished bride of quietness,
Unrivalled tattooed urn, will you undress?

Cool Snowman

One must have a mind of winter
and a heart of spring to win her.

Grave Directions

Go to the western gate, Luke Havergal,
turn right, then left, and you will have your gal.


It’s the Contrast, Stupid!

A thing of beauty is a joy forever,
But mortal ugliness must be its father.

To a Friend

I ask but one thing of you, only one,
don’t say you love me, or we’ll be undone.


I Wandered Lonely

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
but I could not have been as proud.

I just can't seem to be humorous...

[This message has been edited by zbaby (edited February 05, 2004).]

I sent my mother a link to this thread because I think it's hysterical. She replied with these. :)

I must go down to the sea again;
I've left my clogs and the tide's due in.

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
Cool Martha says those charges all are lies.

Mary Alciere

[This message has been edited by Rose Kelleher (edited February 06, 2004).]

message removed

Monica's Song

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
is of interest to the FBI.

The Bureaucrat's Song

Nautilus Island's hermit
lives there without a permit.


*Edited to correct spelling, thanks Julie




[This message has been edited by Renate (edited February 06, 2004).]

George W. Bush Explained

Turning and turning in a widening gyre,
Liar, liar, pants on fire.


An Irish Bargain Hunter

I will arise now, and go to Innisfree,
And a mall opening awaits there, and perhaps a free TV.


Slick Edna Inspires Slick Willie

What lips my lips have kissed, and where and why,
Depends on just what, "kissed," and, "lips," imply.


NOW WILL A GROWN-UP PLEASE LOCK THIS THREAD. YOU ARE DISTRACTING AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF POETS! PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I POST AGAIN!!



[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited February 05, 2004).]

Dryden Agrees with Michael

Barb'rous Nations and more barb'rous Times
Debas'd the Majesty of Verse to Tailgater Rhimes.

Professionalism at all Costs

Love bade me welcome, but my soul drew back:
The kid was cute, but not on tenure track.

Burger and Fries Unnecessary

It’s a classic American scene:
One car wreck, one James Dean.

Where are the Helmets with Wings?

Once upon a midnight dreary
You were Siegfried, I, the Valkyrie.

I think that I will never see
an owl and a pussy cat go to sea.


I heard-- a fly buzz--when I died
we were neither--immune-- to insecticide


When you are old and grey and full of sleep
will you still talk to this old creep?

Drink to me with thine only eye
Hic! It's time to go on the dry..




[This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited February 06, 2004).]

message removed

Then those behind cried, "Forward!" and those before cried, "Back!"
But tailgate parties flourish in a Light brigade attack.

(well, I can mix history a bit, can't I?)

[This message has been edited by EREME (edited February 06, 2004).]

Yeats' Brief Stint at an Advertising Agency

Cast a cold eye on life, on death,
And try a Tic Tac for your breath.


Emily at the Deli

The heart asks pleasure first,
And then some liverwurst.


Aaaaaaay! I'm a Tailgataholic! HELP!!!!

Alan Embraces Formalism

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked
Dragging themselves through free verse, refusing to believe that perfect rhymes were sacred.

message removed

removed message

One Too Many Cases and a Thousand Miles Away

Always we approached with apprehension
The case called “genitive” and its declension.

Connecticut Hobo
The women had grown used to him, though when
The cops came, they had a Warrant from Darien.

Hard Rain
Not, as Athenaeus reports, fish dropping from the sky,
But worse, a killing rain that tells us, "Deacidify."


[This message has been edited by Terese Coe (edited February 08, 2004).]

The Arts of Parts

Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
we had the WMDs as parts of a play.

My Thinned Duchess

That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall:
My pulping her to paint has made her tall.

The Perfect Disguise

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
then passed my water on a crowd.

Obedient To Their Creed

Go tell the Spartans, passer-by,
Greek salad, coffee, apple pie.

[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited February 07, 2004).]

O how much more doth beauty beauteous seem
after a couple tumblers of Jim Beam.


Take all my loves, my love, yea take them all,
and smush them up in one big meaty ball.


Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eye,
...oh, nevermind.

Oh Frabjous Yum

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
spattered and popped on tulgey stoves.

You people aught to be ashamed of yourselves!

Anyone can draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa or superimpose a Pepsi can in the hands of The Thinker by Rodin. Cartoonish and banal and crass thinking only robs you the time to produce something worthy.

On second thought, keep it up.

Am I party pooper, or what?

TJ

can free versers get in?
Breaking the couplet addiction!!!
ee cummings, of course

if i believe
in death be sure
of this
it is

because you have shoved me,
cliff and air
rocks and foam
black crescendo and blue muting

OR
Nothing Gold Can Stay, Hip Hop version

Rappers turn green to gold
A heavy hue to hold

BUT alas, with apology, I can not help but continue...

When chains become a tower
That represents their power
Then grief subsides to grief
And poor JayZ has no relief
As taxes he must pay
Nothing gold can stay



[This message has been edited by Melalope (edited February 11, 2004).]

(Oh no--here I go again!)


The Baby-Boomers Approach Retirement

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Too soon, the days of laxatives and support hoses.

Pope Changes His Mind

A perfect Judge will read each Work of Wit
Then drown it promptly in a pool of spit.

Pope Gets Excited

Good-Nature and Good-Sense must ever join;
So, lady, lay your head upon my groin.



[This message has been edited by Daniel Haar (edited February 16, 2004).]

Emily's Unpleasant Surprise at the Church Picnic

A narrow fellow in the grass
is wriggling beneath my ass!

Emily's Epitaph for Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Because I could not stop for Death
I sicced him on Elizabeth.

message removed

Herbert's Addiction to Tailgaters

I STRUCK the board, and cry'd, No more!
But then I wrote another four.

message removed

Poe's Vacation Album

It was many and many a year ago, in a kingdom by the sea,
that this photo was taken, right here, of Tinkerbell, Tigger and me....

[This message has been edited by Kevin Andrew Murphy (edited February 18, 2004).]

Ok, you asked for it! Warning: scatological verse follows:

The Excremental Jeffers

I hate my verses, every line, every word:
Each time I shit, I pass a lovely turd...

(running for shelter robt)

Poe's First Draft

Once upon a midnight dreary
I thought I'd write something eerie.

The Wit and Wisdom of Alan Greenspan

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who talked all night about Ayne Rand