Dear King of England, to reject my candidature on grounds of nationality
Would be an act of xenophobic irrationality.
You guys need a Poet Laureate, and I’m able and willing,
Although frankly, I’d like to be paid a bit more than the King’s shilling.
I’m told the fee includes a butt of canary,
But that’s a drink of which I’ve learned to be somewhat wary
As it makes me excessively merry.
All things considered, I think I’d prefer a case of sherry.

Now, as to my duties:
I’ll churn you out poems by the dozen, some real beauties
With amusing rhymes, though don’t expect regular scansion -
My lines often lurch from contraction to expansion.
Just say the word, Your Majesty, and I’ll be happy to give the thing a bash.

Yours sincerely, Ogden Nash.

TWO potential winners. Grinding of teeth.

Oh well, John, it's not about the money, it's just for the fun.

What am I saying? IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY? Bazza will be sending the hit-men after me!

The money is the fun, but winning it is one thing; getting it – especially where the Staggers is concerned – quite another.

Always so much talent in these slim threads. This is where I come to have my faith restored. Brian, the L.C. and the Nash, simply brill. You are probably kin to both or via separately descending lines you all have the same funny forefather or -mother.

I misread that at first as 'you all have the same funny forefeather'... which fleetingly brought an amusing image to mind... a forefeather being like a forelock, but comprising a feather, of course. And perhaps, as hair was to strongman Samson, so a funny forefeather could be to the writers of comic verse?
The image of Brian so bedecked seemed aptly Carrollian or Nashite.

Sometimes those Freudian misreadings (and in lucky instances miswritings) are where the real wit lies!

You may be right, Janice. There are those who claim that we're all descended from a joker called Adam, who allegedly invented the phrase "An apple a day keeps celibacy away".