MARRIAGE
Philip Larkin

'My wife and I -- we're pals. Marriage is fun.'
Yes: two can live as stupidly as one.

A gem by X.J. Kennedy:

ARS POETICA

The goose that laid the golden egg
Died looking up its crotch
To find out how its sphincter worked.
Would you lay well? Don't watch.

That one is laugh-out-loud funny, Gail. Here's another X. J. Kennedy epigram:

A Brat's Reward

At the market Philbert Spicer
Peered into the bacon slicer—
Whiz! the wicked slicer sped
Back and forth across his head
Quickly shaving—what a shock!—
Fifty chips off Phil's old block,
Stopping just above the eyebrows.
Phil's not one of them thar highbrows.

Epigram by John Dryden
 

EPITAPH
Intended for Dryden's Wife

Here lies my wife! here let her lie!
Now she's at rest, and so am I.


-Dryden

Thanks for these. There are also some very good epigrams (among other excellent but non-epigrammatic poems) on this old thread, whose reacquaintance I was happy to make.

University Curriculum

In this factory, here the axe-grinders
are whetted by degrees,
there are courses in log-rolling
and a shortage of trees.

--William Price Turner

TURBULENCE

Clouds are pretty up above,
But shitty in the middle of.
Julie Kane




(If Julie really loved me, she would insert my "Louisiana Politics" on this thread.)

Julie Kane isn't the only Julie who loves you, Gail, so I'll post this one:


On Politicians

The politician,
like the tabby's young,
attempts to clean his backside
with his tongue.

--Gail White


* * *

Edited to say: That's how it is in my copy of The Accidental Cynic, but I do like the version you're referencing even better.


On Louisiana Politics

The politician, like the tabby's young,
Attempts to clean his backside with his tongue.

General Rule
 

Sir, I admit your general rule,
That every poet is a fool;
But you yourself may serve to show it,
That every fool is not a poet.

-Alexander Pope