Williamb, if competitions aren't your cup of tea, and this piece doesn't rhyme or scan as required by the competition that this thread is about, then, sorry, I can't see any reason why you would inflict this on us.

Absolutely right, Jayne. And I do appreciate the encouragement.

One of the reasons I don't do most of the things "normal" people do, like work hard to publish, enter contests, self-promote, join clubs, go to round ups and/or poetry readings, is because I'm socially inept, ridiculously shy, and extremely paranoid.* If I'm with a group of four or five people, I'll inevitably begin to feel unwelcome, even if none of the other people have given any indication that they don't want me around. I'm also afraid of failure and/or disappointment. It's much easier for me to not do anything. Apart from writing, of course, which is no problem because I'm all alone when I do it.

Socializing online is a lot easier. I don't have to see anyone's faces or body language, and I can exit the environment immediately when I begin to self-destruct.

All sad, but true!

*Maybe not paranoid afterall, just perceptive?

Well gee thanks, Brian. I was offering my version of nonsense verse. I see that others have offered their poems for view in this thread, without meaning to submit to the contest.

Sorry to "inflict" you with my poem. You were free to ignore it, of course.

A pea told a cottonball,
"Fluff me some mustard."
The lion said, "Not at all!"
Hatchecks were flustered.

Meanwhile, in Singapore,
Dan did a tapdance.
Sally said, "Bring me more!"
Brian said "Fat chance!"

All down the avenue
Sunspots were barreling.
Winds of tornadoes blew.
Mute birds were caroling.

Stones cried "Apocalypse!"
Rain quenched the smoldering.
The goddess cried "Lock your lips!
Stand up and hold the ring."

It happened so long ago.
The sun was a candle then.
The vultures had vertigo.
The sky had a handle then.

Williamb,

Don't worry about the "offending" poem; I don't see any need to remove it. OK, it doesn't happen to fit this particular competition's criteria but you explained your reason for posting it. It's not an 'entry for submission', which is what we generally post on the D & A threads - I think that's what Brian was getting at, so I do understand his POV.

You've been very frank about your "social ineptitude", as you see it, but Drills and Amusements (there's a clue in that last word!) is a place to have a bit of fun. I hope you can still be encouraged to have a try at the comps on this board: that's chiefly The Oldie, The Spectator, Literary Review and The New Statesman.
Success with the latter continues to elude me (it's mostly just a bit too political for my taste, which is probably why) but I've won the others umpteen times, and it's very rewarding!

This 'nonsense' being called for is indeed a bit difficult to define, IMO. I don't know whether to write something that is just out-and-out nuts... or whether to write a poem that appears to make sense, but doesn't. (Heck, that sentence doesn't even make much sense, does it? :eek: I think I know what I was trying to say there.)

Let's not get too hung up about things. I see D & A as a place to exhibit (show off, if you like) some wit and humour. It's great to win a competition, but if you don't it's still fun to have a try. I hope you will. :)

Jayne

Between the Acts
 

Between the Acts

There will be a 15 minute intromission between the first and second acts. (typographical error on a play program)

The program stated simple facts
For patron erudition;
Including, that between the acts
There'd be an intromission.

With bated breath I hoped to see
(A wistful supposition),
The leading lady hit on me,
And make a proposition.

She’d throw herself upon the floor
In absolute submission;
And give me 15 minutes for
My promised intromission.

A stagehand raised the curtain high
And gave this admonition,
“A printer’s carelessness is why …
We’ll have no intromission.”

“You stage-struck guys with throbbing thighs
Have lousy intuition.
Now will you kindly close your flies;
It’s just an intermission.”



I am not sure if this is proper nonsense, or just old - fashioned foolishness.

Williamb, through no fault of yours, I was in a ratty mood yesterday evening, and snapped off a hasty and perhaps ill-considered posting. The word "inflict" was unduly harsh, and I hereby withdraw it.

Brian

This 'nonsense' being called for is indeed a bit difficult to define, IMO. I don't know whether to write something that is just out-and-out nuts... or whether to write a poem that appears to make sense, but doesn't. (Heck, that sentence doesn't even make much sense, does it? :eek: I think I know what I was trying to say there.)

Jayne, as you know, the LitRev usually allows a pretty wide interpretation of the subject of the competition, and I imagine that there will be room for all shades of nonsense verse. My own preference is to write something which, like Lewis Carroll, makes perfect sense on its own terms, but where the terms themselves are nonsensical.

'Nonsense' need not be meaningless, e.g. "The Walrus and the Carpenter".

Brian,
It's good of you to retract your 'hasty posting'; I'm sure Williamb is a lovely, forgiving guy - and I hope your ratty mood has desisted. (I'm also sure the copy of The Oldie that I've sent you [from my temporary residence this week in Germany] will put you into a very happy frame of mind!) :)

When it comes to nonsense, I've decided I prefer 'proper' words to invented ones - so my attempt at this comp (which is still in kit form at the moment) will be in that vein.

Doug,
As far as "I am not sure if this is proper nonsense" is concerned, I'm not either - but I think your poem's great, all the same! It made me laugh.
Years ago I wrote a '--tion' poem, for the benefit of the kids I was teaching, some of whom were in the habit of writing things like 'stayshun' and 'fashun'. I'll PM it to you.

Jayne

Absent Minded Professor

A man who climbed a tree one day,
arriving at the top,
allowed his thoughts to drift away
and so forgot to stop

and then he climbed the air so long
at such a rapid pace
before he knew that he'd done wrong
he'd climbed through outer space,

and then by force of habit he
climbed so far that he found
himself beneath the starting tree
and proved the cosmos round.