Keep Out, don't Dance in the Kitchen: a Chef Apprentice's Warning
 

Accidental Post. Sorry

Erik: maximum 16 lines.

Thanks Roger; I had forgotten.

Withdrawn for recycling

Nice one, Jerome!

I'd be surprised if you haven't got a winner there.

Cajuns dance in the kitchen, and are notorious for their joie de vivre.
But I don't know if the Oldie would understand Cajuns.

Try them, Gail - there's no entry fee and they may just charm Tessa, who is a law unto herself. I'd like to see them dance, anyway.

Thanks, Jayne. Lot of spirited competition on the thread, though, and who knows what lurks outside the Sphere? Agree with Ann about Gail's Cajuns. No harm in chancing an arm, not an arm and a leg after all.

Dancing leek to leek? How can one compete with that?

“You should dance more in the kitchen.
You would find it most enrichin’,”
he declared to his dear Betty
as she stood there hot and sweaty.
“Leave that mango, let us tango,
let us trip the light fandango.
Swap the juices of the oven
for some music and some lovin’.
Oh, your dishes are delicious,
so capricious and nutritious,
but mere food is not enough, dear, to sustain us.”
But, flush-faced, she turned round suddenly
and he quickstepped somewhat woodenly
to the A & E in Tintern
to inform a giggling intern
how he’d got a wooden spoon stuck up his anus.

And here is one you can all sing:--

Le Chef de la Dance

When your guests are queueing at the kitchen door
and your soufflé's sunk and the duck's still raw
and your jus has gone the consistency of glue,
Here's what I recommend you do:--

Dance, dance and have another drink.
Dance round your island and your Belfast sink.
You may not be Nigella, but you needn't be a prude.
They'll ignore what they're eating if you're dancing nude.

So here's my advice to all terrible cooks.
You'll do much better without cookery books.
Just microwave some leftovers and, till they've gone,
keep dancing round the kitchen with a broad smile on.

Dance, dance for all that you are worth.
Whether they're appalled or collapse with mirth
dance, dance, for no matter how you look
it can't be worse than the food you cook.