I do think it would help, at least, to know the source dog at the outset rather than launching in thinking dog-in=general. Maybe the new title can do the trick.

Hi Cameron,

Things have moved quickly! I was about to comment on the revision but I see it's been rejected already. I agree with this decision. I suppose my original quibbles about the poem may still stand but one thing I did like was the rawness of the emotions and the sense that it felt like a human relationship under the microscope. The revision's shift in emphasis to a relationship with God felt forced, to me. And the original opening is much better. I was about to suggest removing the quotation marks from "Happy Days" and I see you have! The allusion is now more subtle and those unfamiliar with the Beckett (as I was, before Googling) are not left wondering why the phrase is in quotes. The poem has continued to grow on me.

Also, your description of your creative process in the first paragraph of your reply very much resonated with my own and was well put.

I look forward to your next.

Mark

*edit: having read his response, also "what Nemo said"

“Burning” and “fire” are, of course, common metaphors for passion. I was thinking specifically of the use of “I burn” to mean “I’m horny,” put crudely. But I don’t listen to contemporary pop, so that may be commonplace too for all I know.

Sting, John Farnham and INXS all (apparently) have songs called "I burn for you", Carl. Rather than archaism, if I had any objection to the phrase it might be the slight whiff of 80s power ballad.

Again, what I meant is the isolated phrase “I burn.” It was in the musical 1776: Jefferson: “But I burn, Mr. A.” Adams: “So do I, Mr. J.” Not the best source, but I think they were trying for an eighteenth-century idiom. I haven’t done adequate research, though, so I could be mistaken.