Eratosphere

Eratosphere (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/index.php)
-   Drills & Amusements (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/forumdisplay.php?f=30)
-   -   Proustian Sonnet Exercise (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?t=5222)

Alan S Evans 09-01-2006 08:08 PM

Mark, I think "habit" is OK. I took "Some" to refer to "odours", and fits the overall theme of smells. That way you can keep the solid rhyme "lives/survives".

Alan

Mark Allinson 09-01-2006 09:56 PM

Quite right, Alan.

Thanks.

Henrietta kelly 09-03-2006 11:36 PM

well darlin here's 1 and 2 for you with some small jiggeling

And scented by the breaths of minute lives
the aroma in air rooms remain inspired
by an atmosphere of habit which survives
o certain tracts of sky or ocean fired

And natural some coloured by the weather
similar to the nearby urban side
some homey, humid, blended all together
a jell of cares with fruit the fields provide.

Mark R 09-27-2006 01:47 AM

The Country Airs

Just as a sea that teems with tiny life
gleams and smells like its inhabitants,
this lively and provincial room is rife
with scents of ceremony and innocence.
The aroma is as natural as the weather,
and brimming with its wayward energy,
yet homey and humid, like jellies stored together,
turned ageless in domestic custody.
So lazy and punctual, like the tolling bell:
so peaceful! the whiff of piousness and morning
that makes these hanging linens ripple and swell,
that its mortality is cause for mourning;
much as this scene of prosy simplicity,
for visitors, is cause for poetry.



[This message has been edited by Mark Rizik (edited September 27, 2006).]


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:10 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.