The Manager of the Sylvia Beach Hotel Explains Why Mr S.T.C. Will Not Be Welcomed Back

I don’t mind a little partying, some symphony and song,
But the client in the Kubla suite played music loud and long;
He fooled around with damsels and some kinky rare device,
And blamed it on his medicine, the milk of Paradise.
Well, just when I was thinking that I’d have to call a cop
A business gent from Porlock found a way to make him stop.


[This message has been edited by Gregory Dowling (edited December 01, 2007).]

My Night At the Sylvia Beach Hotel

I checked into the Sylvia Beach Hotel
in a room that was tailor-made for Tennessee.
Knocked out by the sweet Magnolia smell,
and the essence of minty drinks and iced sweet tea,

I sought a restful night, despite the setting.
I fell into a fitful, dreamy sleep,
while wrapped up in the vast mosquito netting;
the sound of cat paws on the roof would keep

me up most of the night. Like an iguana,
I longed to bask in warm and quiet surroundings,
instead of in this bourbon-infused sauna.
Outside, upon the Poe door, I heard pounding,

and next door, some cats in hats meowed in glee.
In Fitzgerald's room I heard some bottles smashing,
while Ms. Woolf stared at the wall and had her tea.
Meanwhile, outside, the giant waves kept crashing.

I blame the front desk people for my gloom--
If only they had kept my reservation,
I could stay in solitude in Emily's room,
and escape this Southern Gothic brief vacation.


[This message has been edited by Diane Dees (edited December 01, 2007).]

The Dorothy Parker Room

Melville bores me,
Poe's too grim;
Ernest won't score me,
and Scott's out of gin.
Gertrude's cryptic,
Woolf's too deep;
Oscar wears lipstick--
I might as well sleep.

The Welcome note from the Donne Room


Go unlatch the mini-bar,
get a beer (I don’t mean root),
the cupboard’s where the munchies are,
the wardrobe’s where you hang your suit.
Try to bear the neighbours’ singing,
and tolerate the bed-bug’s stinging,
........ and blind
........ your mind
to any roaches you may find.




[This message has been edited by Mark Allinson (edited December 01, 2007).]

The Hemingway is all you've got,
And will I take it? Like a shot.

Frost Won’t Melt

Whose room this is I think I know.
It’s dark and deep, lovely, though,
You will not see me staying here:
The night-light makes a purple glow;
The desk clerk is a flaming queer.

The Ogden Nash Room

Don't you just hate it when you specify, in advance, that you want at least a queen-sized bed, and they tell you it won't be any trouble,

And then you show up after travelling all day, and you're tired and just about ready to drop, and they open the door to your room, and it turns out they've given you a double?

But it's late at night, so you take the room they gave you and you throw yourself down on the mattress and try to make the best of it without becoming unduly sullen or grumpy,

Since you're only one person, after all, and a double bed should be big enough, but after a minute you find you can't sleep, since not only is the bed too small, but the mattress is lumpy,

And so you get up, put all your clothes back on, and go down to the front desk to have a few choice words with the sleepy nighttime hotelier

Who says, "No problem, sir, we have plenty of rooms with king-sized brand-new mattresses, and we'll give you one of those and, because of the inconvenience, you won't have to pay,"

And then you feel guilty for having been so rude to the poor man at the front desk and wish you had just said something the moment you checked in and found they had given you a double

Instead of docilely accepting what they offered because you were raised by your mother and father never to cause unnecessary trouble.

Keats Room

Keats preferred an elfin grot,
. And there he slept, with eyes full sore,
But if you'd like a private room,
. Close the door.

The Tim Murphy Room

Dogs Allowed
Guns Allowed
Smokes Allowed
Reading Aloud
Allowed


The Basho Room

Sunflowers and snow
Yellow blossoms mix with white
Please no piss in sink


The Baudelaire Room

For wake-ups with a special twist
we can provide a cymbalist.

If you like roses, place a call
to local merchant Fleurs de Mall.




[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited December 04, 2007).]

Congratulations all. Brilliant performance all round.
Janet