In response to Robert's "rain" haiku:

sun to rain
to sun to rain:
the intimate lunch

Lee

Lee

Many thanks for that excellent essay on punctuation. I'll copy it into my files with your other words. My instinct was to use the em dash but I lacked confidence.

And an especial thanks for your beautiful turning of my inexpert poems.
very best,
Janet

[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited May 04, 2004).]

Trying 2-3-2 accentual. My original in romanji.

Again yet again
comes the later moon
Ah the tears!

mata mo mata
nochi no tsuki kuru
namida ga ya


.
G/W


[This message has been edited by Golias (edited May 04, 2004).]

Janet, thanks for the kind words. Glad you weren't offended--you know how touchy some people can feel!

I think the dash works fine for yours, but if they were mine, I think I would probably use a colon. Your poem, your choice, of course!

Lee

"Again and again" is not without its charm, but has a sentimental mood that is not one that would generally be asssociated with contemporary haiku. Contrast this haiku by contemporary Japanese master Akito Arima:

tenrô ya ainshutain no seiki hatsu

the dog star:
Einstein's century
comes to an end

Another thing intersting to note in this poem is the use of the kireji (cutting word) "ya." (I believe I mentioned these in the "punctuation" essay.) which is often "translated" as a colon. This is an example of a "syllable" in a Japanese haiku that has no meaning content other than to direct the reader's attention.

Lee

Just in from a mini-vacation to find this treasure of a thread. I offer these for your thoughts. Thanks!

Kathy

bullfrog croaks
never gets answer
bachelor

concubine
opens pink lotus
empress sleeps

luna moths
on ground in circle
full moon, rise!

This thread is one of the best I've ever seen for the discussion and interpretation of these poem forms. They are wonderful. Meanings and humor can be so subjective at times that it makes it difficult for me to know if I've hit the mark or if I've overshot. I appreciate all your comments here, Lee. They've been so informative. Here's a few of mine:


frosting on the trees
cakes of snow on my mailbox
I scream for warm days

dogs bay at the moon
a bright thing in a dark sky
far-off stars twinkle

tinder for a poem
-when the real logs catch fire-
usually burns up

Lee,
I just want to say how much I'm enjoying this, it's very enlightening. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Renate

Hey, it is you folks that are making this work! Thanks for the kind words. I will try to live up to your level of engagement!

Unfortunately, I won't be able to respond to these poems until I get home from work tonight--see you then!

Lee

Two windows
different light < br> < br>
< /table>

< br> is pronounced "break" and < /table> is "end table" or "close table"