Martin, Here is something to consider: if your poems are made up of complete grammatical units, i.e., sentences, they are much more likely to be end-stopped than if they are made up of grammatical fragments.

Lee

Morning Lee,

I was thinking about non-existence:

Loved ones listening
As we entertain the dead
Sadly, no applause


Or it could be glistening, but that's a bit cute. It could also be "while" or "for," anyway it's simmering.

Hi Chiago,

My question is . . . why the umlaut over the i in stretching?

Very curious!

Steve C.

midnight -- dont you dare let it out I was trying to clean THAT off my screen. Un-be-leave-able!! ~~ outofhere ~~ henie

Welcome back, Lee, it's very good to see you again.
Each time I learn something different - each time I learn there is so much more to learn.

Lo

April Northern Lights
Small polar cubs on thin ice
Flash of white and gone
___

Six shy primates play
in a disappearing Eden.
Good-bye Gorillas.

____

Thin-skinned Harlequins
shrinking pond - summer sun
Croaking dappled frogs

Lee Gurga,

I appreciate the time you have taken with these poemlets. I will adress your questions, if you don't mind. I would also give my apologies for not spotting the errors--in the two incidents, it should be "croquet" and "greeters". Don't know if that makes thing more clear or not, though.

There are two kinds of firefish: purple firefish and Devil firefish. What I wanted to do here was have the fish out of its element--water--and work in a scene evoking the exact opposite--fire--, without making it surreal. After all, grilling fish isn't unusual. There's no verb to open up the possibilities of what it does on the firewood. Personally, I imagined three scenes: one, firefish grilled on the flames from the firewood; two, firefish scorched to ashes on the firewood; and three, firefish laying on a non-burning firewood.

In all cases, the exclusion of the N was because I hoped his involvement would be implied by the fact that once someone had to put the fish on the firewood (and this way, also create a period of time in the poemlet).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil_firefish


seems just a bit pondeous, don't you think?
That leads me to a question. Can didacticism have anything to do in a haiku, or is it too guiding, limiting?

How about(?):

dead fireflies
pool the waxed porch
two toes in front of your shoes.


I wanted Innisfree to be loose enough to be both an image of what happens on the isle and on the lake. Come to think of it, though, Lough Gill would be better, in that the image of the waxwing scalloping on land seems a bit too hazy. In the lake, wingtips "scallop" a part of Innisfree (a part because wingtips rippling an entire lake would be surreal).

Anyone having seen how cabins built near trees and cliffs can be snowed down in winter, I hope, will identify with this image. I'm wondering if chador is evoking the wrong associations, though. Maybe "winter coats" (though it is a less apt metaphor), or "white parkas /anoraks"?

I must apologise for that confusion--as well as with "gretters". For what it's worth, I meant to write "croquet".

Would you elaborate on this one? I'm wondering the second line is misleading, rather than grounding the last line.

Thank you a lot for you spirit and helpfullness.

Best regards,
Mapocho




[This message has been edited by Chiago Mapocho (edited October 18, 2008).]

Sure, I can see how the Billy Collins' I posted isn't a haiku.

Lee, I've got three more, if you have a chance to crit (be brutal!). Thanks.



black wing
white moon
first frost


cherry tomatoes
teardrops of
a lonely old fool


muse
my vase is broken
without you

Lee - "The Jewish Bride" would be a great name for TV reality! You really made me LOL!
Stephen - yes, a lot of work and thanks. By breaking it down and explaining, you've shown me a great deal.
Many thanks to you both!

Hi, Laura. Good to be back!

April Northern Lights
Small polar cubs on thin ice
Flash of white and gone

Six shy primates play
in a disappearing Eden.
Good-bye Gorillas.

Thin-skinned Harlequins
shrinking pond - summer sun
Croaking dappled frogs

It seems like you are asking each of these poems to heft quite a burden of philosophical/environmental significance, and i am afraid i am not the best person to help you with this kind ofhaiku. I hope you will forgive me for that.

Lee

Well, it is hard to imagine wanting to be brutal, especially with these.


black wing
white moon
first frost

Remember what I said about not using three images? Well, here is the exception that tests the rule--and overthrows it. I like this one very much.

cherry tomatoes
teardrops of
a lonely old fool

i think a lot of people would really like this one, but it is a tad sentimental for you taste. But what do i know? It could well be a prize-winner!

muse
my vase is broken
without you

Like this one too, especially as i know the feeling so well!

Lee

Lee,

I asked you to chop them and cook them, so I don’t mind the comments. In fact, I find most of them quite helpful. Don’t worry about the Novocain…the needle is supposed to pinch, especially in the hard palate.

Until last week, I had been about 6 months between poems…I’m afraid that it shows more than I know.

Thanks for the help, the encouragement and the challenges. All of it is much appreciated.

Fr. RP


A little work on some of the previously posted Haiku:


Orion rising
the soft crunch of snow (was ‘the sound of snow’)
beneath my feet

along the alley— (was ‘Winter night’)
shadows shiver
around the barrel

another memo… (was ‘early Autumn’)
the sound of leaves falling
in my office

lights out (was ‘late night’)
spring’s first fly
bounces off the wall

yellow moon
on the icy prairie… (was ‘along the icy prairie…’)
chimney smoke (was ‘coming home’)

I will be glad to make some more comments, though I don't expect they will be very helpful.

Firefish: Thanks for the explanation. Still doesn't do much for me. "firefish on firewood." Still not taking me anywhere. Don't know who or what you are referring to by "N", i am afraid.

Dead fireflies: I am afraid my first difficulty in responding to this is that i haven't any idea what two toes are doing in the poem and what their possible relationship to the fireflies.

Didacticism: No, i don't think there is any room for didacticism in haiku. Meaning, certainly, but ponderous, heavy-handed attempts to impose meaning on the reader--this is how i interpret "didacticism--never.

Sahara: I am afraid i can't elaborate because i really can't plumb what your intended meaning is. if you could elaborate, then perhaps i could make some useful comments.

Sorry not to be of more help!

Lee

Can't not stick my head in and say thankyou for the comments. The mosquito haiku is delightful,
Peter

Maybe taking the N's presence out is what keeps it from moving mountains or bricks. ("N" means the narrator of the scene.)

Two toes was supposed to startle, and also be linked to shoes. But, I admit that's farfetched. I'm still thinking of another way to measure the distance between the shoes and the fireflies. Perhaps, if it doesn't sound too 'easy' in its reaching, "a foot in front of your shoes" . . .

[/quote]Sahara: I am afraid i can't elaborate because i really can't plumb what your intended meaning is. if you could elaborate, then perhaps i could make some useful comments.[/quote]

That's what I was afraid. "shapes stretched on sand" was the shadows, the shadows moving because *something* moves. I didn't want to state that in the earlier version, thus ended up with "shapes stretched on sand" rather than a more concrete image, which I'm playing with below:

sahara desert
nomads and dromedaries across sand
shadows walking the way they do.

My last batch, this. I hope you don't mind me bringing it so close to the last one. I really appreciate your expertise and thoughful points. Your energy is admirable!

harmattan haze
arranging flowers
on the windowsill

fishingboats
navigate by icebergs
find whale and song

weird yesterday
a toad backpacking sun
jump through my swing gate.

one winter
I have a cup of tea
with a tiger and an owl.

seahorses
lost in midwinter shrubs.

puddles in schoolyards
oil on blacktop
washing a blood moon

bees and sunlight
travel on a wheelbarrow
air-travel is out

(or: a wheelbarrow
with ice
remembers spring,
blackbirds and bees / blackbirds and wings / bees and sunlight / water and bees)


no birds
in a weedksy
harrowic winds plow it for clouds

forgetting me
sunlight embrace
another grave



[This message has been edited by Chiago Mapocho (edited October 18, 2008).]

Lee, thank you so much. I just want to say a couple things about these.

(Cally, thanks.) In this one, I think the black wing is dipped into the moon's white paint, then brushing on the frost.

black wing
white moon
first frost

The fool is a clown with silly looking cherry tomatoes falling out of the eyes. On the kitschy side, a bit weird, I think.

cherry tomatoes
teardrops of
a lonely old fool

This one began with the third line like this: "without your flowers" - but I figured it was better to keep it simple -

muse
my vase is broken
without you

Hi Lee,

Well, I suppose I ought to take a turn here too! Twelve poems, three for each season--if you're willing to count "canning" as an autumn season topic. Ten of these were written in the last three weeks or so, one I wrote nearly twenty years ago, and one is a translation of something I originally wrote in Japanese. I wonder if you can spot the translation!

Anyway, please don't feel obliged to comment on all of them--or indeed any of them, for that matter. But if there's something here that interests you, good or bad, that you would enjoy discussing, I'd love to hear from you.

And Lee? Thank you again for another great day with us as our Distinguished Guest.

*

the chain kicks once, twice,
and with wobbling handlebars
spring is underway

meadow in flower
the dog returns with frisbee
happy face first

cats in love
people in love, and of course
yours truly, in love

bumble bees screwing
bored, she sticks out a long tongue
and sips some marigold

summer vacation
the wrigglers in the jam jar
have grown wings and drowned

L'été, c'est moi!
the monarch sails past nodding
sunflowers, is gone

plink! a pause, then plink!
plink! in the darkened kitchen
summer sealed in jars

golden orb weaver
goldenrod, golden summer
sun in September

autumn oak apple
the king of infinite space
long since departed

frost on the windows
Bob, who is not a lawyer,
lives next to the dentist

winter afternoon --
in the garage, the poisoned
mouse runs in circles

flushed cheeks, a straining
tear ooobehind her the window
fills with silent snow

Steve C.

*

p.s. Bonus haiga:

http://ppqsda.bay.livefilestore.com/...0apple%20d.jpg

"Autumn Oak Apple" by Stephen Collington, 2008
Ball-point pen on back of page-a-day "Poetry Speaks" calendar paper, 109x107mm; collection of the artist

p.p.s. "Collection of the artist" indeed--hah! Bidding starts on eBay at $0.01.

*

Psst! . . . Haiga links up on Haiku Resources page!







[This message has been edited by Stephen Collington (edited October 19, 2008).]

[reposted]



[This message has been edited by Brian Watson (edited October 20, 2008).]

Love the Haiga concept! and your sketch. I think there's quite a few of us at erato who are involved in some kind of art form. I especially enjoyed
http://haigaonline.com/issue9-1/trad...lides/01a.html

where some 15 different haikus were written for the one drawing. Thanks for all the links and tremendous amount of time and thought you've put into this, Stephen.

Lee, and Mary, too.

Lee, I believe Mary's 'black wing' haiku is truly exceptional. I think it exemplifies every element you have focused on in your comments here, and that I have read in the links Stephen has given us.

The language is crisp. Couldn't be sharper.
It has the seasonal reference.
It is pure image - no interpretation, or intellectualisation.
It is circular.
It is open-ended.
It connects the reader to the transcendent spirit and the depths of the soul while remaining embedded in physical reality.

I found Mary's description of its creation so interesting.

Mary, I really am stunned by it. For me, this haiku recapitulates an essential aspect of human experience. Perhaps the central one. The 'black wing' of experience touching the innocent, pure 'white moon' mind, and bringing with it the 'first frost' - the awareness of mortality. I don't know if anyone has ever caught this universal truth in six words.

It reminds me so much of Blake's 'Songs of Innocence and Experience'.

Not only has it been wonderful to have Lee and Stephen's instruction and support during this event, it has also been wonderful to watch you mastering this difficult, frustrating, beautiful, breathtaking art form.

This has been the best experience I've had here on the 'sphere. Stimulating, inspiring, joyful. I can't thank you all enough.

Cally

Mary and Cally -

I'm not sure which one I like more: the haiku or the interpretation. Both are quite extraordinary.

In light of Cally's reading I can definitely see the Blake. But when I read the haiku I had in mind Mallarme, who uses the image of a wing on more than one occasion, and the sense of existential mystery/anxiety that presides in his work.

Well done to both of you! How very illuminating!

Stuart

P.S. Cally, whilst I agree with your interpretation of black wing = experience and white moon = innocence, I interpreted the 'movement' differently. I did not see the black wing affecting the white moon, but rather, I saw it the other way round. Which is highly original (of Mary!). In this way, the frost is not presented as something morbid or menacing, but as....? I haven't got that far yet, I'm afraid.

[This message has been edited by Stuart Farley (edited October 19, 2008).]

Stuart,

Thanks so much! And your alternative reading reminds me of another element I didn't explicitly mention that Lee, and others on the links, regard as characteristic of great haiku:

Indeterminacy - the absence of fixity in the image - which allows the image/s to resonate, to make ripples in the mind. Nothing is nailed down, so various interpretations are possible. Artful ambiguity produced by sharp-edged clarity.

Fascinating - how you see the action of the images! Do you know, I don't see the 'first frost' as morbid or only menacing. It is cold, and it does change everything - the way one experiences everything - but it is also beautiful, so beautiful, the chill, and it is the beginning of wisdom. I see the frost as patience, as waiting - deep waiting, like a seed waits.

That we both saw similar yet different things in it, is further testament to its power. Thank you for mentioning Mallarme, too, and giving me more to think about!

Cally

yellow forget-me-not
latenight sky may give me pause
to remember why


this one I was trying to show how it is to have amnesia, no your don't know you have it or you would remember, you just get niggles that something is there what you cant pin down.


winter severe time
cockroaches in fine suits
climbing steep walls

this one is corporate life the need to succeed to get to the top


nine withered leaches
so so scrumptious
vanilla beans

I was going for the visual and the yuk factor in this one with a twist




nothing is forever
lost in a babbling sound
a snowflake chimes love


--I was being yucky again


butterflies on film
old head x ray
used for perfection

even air is frozen
stoop find gently way
for spring

good to see a host of poems to enjoy --Henie


edit-- sorry I missed two in my copy and paste



[This message has been edited by Henrietta kelly (edited October 19, 2008).]

Frankly, I shall be very curious to see if all this inspiration, this flurry of Zen imagery, can be carried over into our plodding, rhymed pentameters! I'm trying to put my finger on what I best like here, and I've coined a really pretentious term for it: dissociative association.

[This message has been edited by Tim Murphy (edited October 19, 2008).]

lol, Tim! As your Tim-term illustrates, we have a quintessentially paradoxical situation happening here!

I, too, have been wondering how on earth to return to iambic pentameter. The Deep End seems like a strange place these days!

henie - I find your visual-yuck combo very appealing!! That one made me laugh!!!

Cally

Stephen,

I found many of your haikus moving. Particularly liked:

meadow in flower
the dog returns with frisbee
happy face first

First line made good by the twist of the phrase "in bloom". In the second line, without mentioning the N, his / her presence is established through the word "returning" and, to a lesser degree, "frisbee". "happy face first" gives a good picture while at the same time establishing the bond between the dog and the N. Better yet, "happy" and "first" implies that it has many other "faces" as well, i.e: layers of emotions. Wonderful!

plink! a pause, then plink!
plink! in the darkened kitchen
summer sealed in jars

I rather like this one. The picture of three thrings dropped into the jar is good, as is the analogy /synechdoce and pars pro toto of the three things bringing summer--or some part of the summer essence--with them / summer being in the three things / three things being summer. There's a difference in each of these, and that freedom is what makes this good, imo.

golden orb weaver
goldenrod, golden summer
sun in September

First off, alliteration connects just the right words here. "summer" gets linked to "sun", and "september , in a way "summer / moon" wouldn't, because of the associative power of alliteration. The good thing about it is that it makes the last line both a line of its own, and what belongs to "golden summer". Good wordplay in this one--a haiku whose force grows outwards, demanding rereads.


Best regards,
Mapocho

(PS: Hope you or Lee don't mind this. Just wanted to tell you why some of these worked so well for me.)

[This message has been edited by Chiago Mapocho (edited October 19, 2008).]

hallo ! Stephen is that the Emperor's seal I see?

0.02 bid for the seal ~~ henie

but I do like the drawing
I see a drowned man caught on a branch his shape distorted by the water.

[This message has been edited by Henrietta kelly (edited October 19, 2008).]

Steve,

I simply have to agree with Chiago! I love the 'happy face first' - the way it refers to everything! the flowers, the dog, the N/consciousness - the whole day! Delightful. Joy.

And all the others Chiago referred to - that 'plink' sound is so familiar - I love the synesthesia in this one.

And I have to tell you I feel a special affection for the 'king of infinite space'! Allusion - YAY!!!

And the 'in love' one - what I love about yours is the humour. There's something in haiku that I find beguilingly hilarious! I mean, most times when I attempt one, I find myself chuckling away, and I can't feel serious! This significant humour is the standout feature of your haiku, I think.

Thanks for the sheer pleasure.

Cally

Four of mine from Haiku Dreaming:

flood tide
mangroves walk into deeper water

drought
the last bullet
shines

Lone Pine
a seagull crying

cave wall
the outline of an empty hand

and one yet unpublished:

poppies
blood relatives
somewhere

n.b. Lone Pine http://www.awm.gov.au/units/event_71.asp
cave wall http://www.marwood.net.au/grampians.htm



[This message has been edited by Jan Iwaszkiewicz (edited October 19, 2008).]

My pleasure, Peter! I loooooooove that haiku! Lee

No problem . . . let me take a look


harmattan haze
arranging flowers
on the windowsill

looks promising, but I am afraid "harmattan" eludes me.

fishingboats
navigate by icebergs
find whale and song

getting clearer!

weird yesterday
a toad backpacking sun
jump through my swing gate.

promising, but the first line is interpreting the experience for the reader. please trust the reader.

one winter
I have a cup of tea
with a tiger and an owl.

haiku usually present a single moment of time. Why "one winter." why not this winter? why not today?

seahorses
lost in midwinter shrubs.

interestingly surrealist

puddles in schoolyards
oil on blacktop
washing a blood moon

the images are much clearer here. please beware leaving out articles artifically.

bees and sunlight
travel on a wheelbarrow
air-travel is out

ok until we get to the third line, then just a (static) interpretive statement rather than a second image. Here is a haiku by Robert Gilliland on the same subject that actually travels:

transplanting the sage
a wheelbarrow full of bees
from backyard to front

please notice how the inclusion of the particular in the first line gives the poem a greater immediacy as well as an interesting fragrance

(or: a wheelbarrow
with ice
remembers spring,
blackbirds and bees / blackbirds and wings / bees and sunlight / water and bees)


no birds
in a weedksy
harrowic winds plow it for clouds

weedksy?

forgetting me
sunlight embrace
another grave

a little hermetic, but it reminds me of "Long Black Veil", one of my favorite songs.

Hope this helps!

Lee

Steve, My pleasure! I am afraid it seems that you folks keep different hours. Sorry! On with the show . . .

*

the chain kicks once, twice,
and with wobbling handlebars
spring is underway

nicely done!

meadow in flower
the dog returns with frisbee
happy face first

cats in love
people in love, and of course
yours truly, in love

Ha! Great! this would be my first guess for the translation, since "cats in love' is a standard japanese kigo.

bumble bees screwing
bored, she sticks out a long tongue
and sips some marigold

don't think this is as good as the others--seems a little forced.

summer vacation
the wrigglers in the jam jar
have grown wings and drowned

yuk!

L'été, c'est moi!
the monarch sails past nodding
sunflowers, is gone

plink! a pause, then plink!
plink! in the darkened kitchen
summer sealed in jars

reminds me of many, many summer days. here we have lots of jars huddled in the darkness in the basement. Here is a haiku from our basement last summer!

dog days of summer
one by one the snail consumes
the wine labels


golden orb weaver
goldenrod, golden summer
sun in September

nice feeling to this one

autumn oak apple
the king of infinite space
long since departed

love this one. too bad your haiga was not in MH!

frost on the windows
Bob, who is not a lawywer,
lives next to the dentist

not seeing the significance of the fact that he is not a lawyer . . .

winter afternoon --
in the garage, the poisoned
mouse runs in circles

flushed cheeks, a straining
tear behind her the window
fills with silent snow

and you have dazzled me into silence! Well done!
I can see who is going to teach the master class next time!

Lee

Yikes! No way! Not after I've seen what we put you through!

*

Hello all.

Lee, thanks so much for your kind comments. I'm delighted that you liked some of my pieces--it means a lot coming from you. And yes, you're absolutely right about the translation.

neko no koi / hito no koi, mata / ore no koi*

Cats in love. For people new to haiku: it's one of the great historical season words. A personal favourite:

nete okite / oo-akubi shite / neko no koi

sleeping, getting up
yawning a big big yawn
cats in love

That's Issa, my friends. If you've never read his stuff, you don't know what you're missing! Here's a poet who doesn't so much inspire love as devotion. Check out David Lanoue's amazing "haikuguy" web site, where you'll find 9000 of Issa's poems translated and carefully annotated. You could spend days there:

Haiku of Kobayashi Issa at haikuguy.com

(The site is set up for searching, not browsing, so you'll have to use your imagination and try plugging in various search terms--you could start with "cats," for example--but I think you'll find that the results will repay the extra little bit of effort.)

Anyway, enough stumping for my man Issa!

Chiago, thank you for your detailed reading and your kind words. It's always a pleasure to get thoughtful feedback on one's poems. Your comments pick up on many of the things I was hoping to achieve in my haiku, and it's a great encouragement to see not only that they are working for a sensitive reader, but also to see how. I really appreciate your taking the time.

Cally, yes indeed, the king of infinite space! And if you've ever seen a gall wasp, you know just how tiny they actually are. Anyway, I was afraid it might be a bit obscure, but I'm glad to see that people are clicking with it. And while we're still bounded in our nutshell . . . here's a classic poem--a real chestnut, as it were--that you might enjoy:

yoru hisokani / mushi wa gekka no / kuri o ugatsu

in the moonlight a worm . . .
silently
drills through a chestnut

Matuso Basho. Not my translation--it's from yet another wonderful site that I hope to put up on the Haiku Resources page:

In the moonlight a worm . . .

Great site for teachers looking for classroom material!

Seree, I'm glad you like the haiga stuff. It's a grand tradition, and it's really neat to see how people are picking up on it now outside of Japan.

*

And a last note, to everyone who's wondered.

"Bob, who is not a lawyer, / lives next to the dentist" is part of a clue from a logic puzzle . . . you know, the sort of thing that starts, "Alan, Bob, Catherine, David and Eileen are neighbours, living at 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10 Mulberry Lane . . . " So, really there's no connection at all between "frost on the windows" and lawyers and dentists and whatnot. Just a kind of personal association for me: as the weather gets colder, and there's less to do outside, I like to curl up with a puzzle sometimes. Completely obscure, I confess! But it's been fun watching folks scratch their heads.

Steve C.

p.s. Joan, the emperor's seal is the size of a dinner plate. Two cents from the ol' girlie in Kalgoorlie. Two cents. Do I hear three?

p.p.s. Lots of other interesting poems and questions pending here. Hope to be back later to take part in the discussion.

Oh yes, and a footnote:

* For anyone who's wondering, "koi" means "love" here, not "carp." But the words are indeed homonyms. Love in Japanese is an oversized goldfish!

Lee, Steve Collington is a pretty masterful rhyming metrist, minding me of our Aussie, Henry Quince. He doesn't make mistakes. He is also a real authority on Japanese verse; and yes, he could certainly teach a master class here. Steve, four of these really flew my kite over Kabul: Summer, it's me. Plink. Meadow, and Chain. But when a gig is going as well as this, the old host always asks: Steve and Lee, will you reprise this next October? Then I can just hunt birds and not worry about the Sphere?

Three Seasons
for L.G. and S.C.

Feeney the fragrant—
his black coat browned by pond scum,
reeking of birdblood.

My rubber kneeboots
shedding mud in the closet,
cocklebur heaven!

My thirsty Bronco—
collecting pheasant feathers
late in December.

But forty pheasants
cleaned and bagged in the freezer?
Good until Easter.

appreciatively, yr Lariat



[This message has been edited by Tim Murphy (edited October 19, 2008).]

Cally... wow.. and thanks.. I like it when you shine your sunbeams on me.
Stuart - thanks very much! I like your ku with the dropped letters.

Actually, Cally, the brush and paint thought occurred to me much later, after the ku was written. Before I wrote it, I only felt a cold bed (finally had to get up for another blanket), and a huge feeling of reaching out into the world.* Since you're interested in my haiku breakthrough, I have to thank Wu Tsao, who I first read several years ago. I'm sure reading her poems taught me a lot about Zen or Taoism. Then in the past few years, I've read a lot of the imagist poems of Amy Lowell and H.D. I think in this marvelous haiku class, there were three big aha moments: Steve C's crits at open mic; Lee's essays; and Carmen Sterga's essay and haiku examples.

Do you have any more ku, Cally and Stuart?

* possibly for another blanket, lol.

[This message has been edited by Mary Meriam (edited October 19, 2008).]

Interesting haiku/poem, Tim!

S4 reads:

But forty pheasants
cleaned and bagged in the freezer?
Good until Easter.

"But" means "Only" here, but I had to think about it. The question mark helped.

Grammatical nit: shouldn't that be "But forty pheasant..."?

Duncan

And a deep bow to you, Lariat. It has been a real pleasure to get to know some of your friends and their poems.

Lee

stephen

did I say $00.2? I meant AU $20.00 cash one nice orange plastic note

plus you crit every poem I ever write *grins*

-----
that aside on rereading your work I think you need to change

meadow in flower-- is too easy

to meadow mid season it not only tells you it is in full bloom but sets the time of year; can almost feel the heat, love the yellow happy face-- it must be yellow, the sun is out

meadow mid season
the dog returns with frisbee
happy face first

~~ Joan




[This message has been edited by Henrietta kelly (edited October 19, 2008).]

solstice morning
star
on a black horse

Lee thank you so much for your terrific suggestions and comments on this haiku and the raven one as well. I've revised with your comments in mind.

Is this better?

thunderheads bloom
prairie dust rises
to meet the rain

or

distant thunder
prairie dust rises
to meet the rain

And two more from the same observation/occasion

switchgrass bows
to the breeze
seeds scatter


overdue rain
pounds thistledown
into cracked dirt


Thanks again!
Donna