And the rest of the news ...

Heavily armed drug cops raid retiree’s garden, seize okra plants

(They thought it was marijuana. They apologised for the mistake, but …)

In Atlanta, suspicion still lingers;
The cops, on the look-out for ringers
For dope, got it sussed,
And they’ve made a new bust
Of ten thousand or more ladies’ fingers.

************************************************** ******

America has a day for everything. Recently, it was both Reptile Awareness Day and Apple Day. (There are times when American pronunciation comes in handy . . .)

“Did you wonder”, the snake in the grass
Said to Adam, “Why God made that lass?
One bite of this fruit
And you’ll find her so cute
That you’ll know what to do with her ass.”

Then there’s . . .

Babbling Day

When Republicans gibber and gabble
And blither and blather and babble
About “Rights”, what is meant
Is for just one percent -
The rest of the country is rabble.

National Knee Day

He said to the bimbo, “Well, jeez,
Today is in honour of knees,
So to show my respect
In a way that’s correct,
Let me ask you: “Get down on them – please!” ”

National Nut Day

She was crazy for nuts, was young Joan,
But they must be organically grown.
“Give me nuts!” she would rant, “Oh,
Untouched by Monsanto!”
I offered her two of my own.

Brian,

Regarding your post 60; unfortunately, you are right.
Regarding post 61, these are some of the best limericks I've seen in a long time.

Comet Lovejoy's in the news.
The experts have detected
evidence of sweets and booze.
With that name? "Unexpected"?

It seems that Jeb Bush is disenchanted with the Republican Presidential campaign, and said:“I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them.

I’ve got plenty of cool things to do …
Lemme think, I am sure there’s a few …
Run for Governor? Nah,
Been there, done that … Hey, Pa,
Can you maybe suggest one or two?


Donald Trump Quote of Day (via CNN). “It has not been easy for me… My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.”

I can tell you, my life has been tough; it
Is hard when you’re having to rough it.
A million? The pig!
Hardly pays for my wig.
But the true poor, you ask? I say “Stuff it!”

http://www.space.com/30933-falling-s...ext-month.html

Confirmed UFO Spotted Headed For Earth

Alien nuts and NASA's best accord
For once! An object's hurtling right toward
The Earth from space. Now scientists don't know
Quite what it is. Voila a UFO!
" WT190F",
The name they gave is fit, not awkward, if
It's shortened down, called WTF.

.

Will 30 be the new 80?
 

UK population expected to grow and age faster, new ONS estimates show

Poor devils! Ageing at the normal rate
Is bad enough, but this acceleration
Will lead our youngsters to a ghastly fate -
A prematurely geriatric nation.

Rand Paul to Filibuster Rising Debt Ceiling

The candidate aiming to muster
A comically long filibuster
Tries not to be brisk,
For he then runs the risk
Of looking like General Custer.

(Good luck Rand.)

Injured Deer Walks into Hospital Emergency Room

Because the patient had no doe,
the doctors passed the buck
outside. Oh, deer. Oh, shoot. Oh, no.
Hippocrates would cluck.

(Actually, the typo in the fourth paragraph of the linked article might inspire a more interesting poem.)

A few more Days
 

American Beer Day

Said Fields: “I heartily sneer
At the drink called “American Beer”.
The muck in this beaker?
Like water, but weaker -
It’s water diluted, I fear.”

National Potato Day

“No potato shall sully my lip
If it’s sprayed with some chemical dip”,
Says the girl. He agrees.
“Well, my tuber should please -
It’s completely organic”, says Chip.

National Chocolate Day

“When I feel like a mid-morning snack
I reach for some chocolate, black –
Ooops! That word’s not PC,
So the chocolate for me
Is ‘pigmentally-challenged’ ”, said Jack.

***********************************

Oh, a dear little bunny! I grab it -
Friends tell me it’s not a nice habit –
Then bite off its head ...
But perhaps I’ve misled
You; it’s only a chocolate rabbit.

National Cat Day

When I looked at the sign, I went bats.
It said “Pussy for sale”. I thought, “That’s
What I need”, rang the bell –
She was gorgeous as hell!
But all she was selling was cats.

Ezra's Birthday

Pound

The Pope of poems
The Raja of rhyme
The Caliph of critics
The Satrap of slime