Found on the dressing table of the Edna St Vincent Millay room


I’m a simple woman and impressed
Upon your staff what I had hoped to find.
Room service more athletically inclined
And entertaining, was that man your best?
He barely passed my sixty minute test.
I’m used to service that is more refined,
Your brochure is misleadingly designed.
Twenty-four-hour room service? Sir, you jest!
The maid who did the room thought she could breeze in
Without first knocking. Surely you should train
Her not to hang around without a reason?
Her dance around the bed was more insane
Than entertaining. Given it’s the season
For love and kindness, I will not complain.

The Anonymous Room

O western wind, when wilt thou blow
That the small rain down can rain?
Your credit card has been approved,
... So sleep in our bed again.

The Chaucer Room

Welcome to Sylvia Beeches Hostelrye
Where yow wol fynd good food, good compagnie.
Praye parke your mules and horses in the yarde.
We honour Visa and eek Mastercarde,
But not AmEx, for which we beg your pardon.
Here smale fowles singen in the garden.
No more than five shall slepen in one bed.
The rats and mice ben few withouten dred.
At the barre ben cake and stronge ale
And folkes tellynge manye an endless tale.
We trow yow wol prefer us to yon Tabard.
At the door plees check your sworde and scabbard.

The Percy Bysshe Shelley Room

There's swimming instruction down by the pool;
it starts every morning at nine.
Some people say the instructors are good,
but I sure wouldn't recommend mine!

The Ogden Nash Room

If you always have your nose in a book by Emily Dickenson,
Or enjoy the great novels whose plots are always thickenin',
If you like stories about decadent Southerners or hunting panthers,
Or authors who raise metaphysical questions but never give anthers,
If you hanker after a hotel where the rooms are appointed
In the style of great writers, you won't be disappointed.
(But if you prefer bestsellers like le Carré and John Grisham,
You'd better choose a different hotel than this'un.)
Though the restaurant isn't thrilling in matters gastronomical,
You'll find the ocean view is quite panoramical.
But if you imagine yourself lying practically naked,
On a bright sunny beach, growing pleasantly bakéd;
If you long for a climate it's not always rainin' in,
Then might we suggest the Caribbean or the Mediterranean.

The Kipling Room

If you can snore all night when all about you
toss and turn and blame it all on you,
If you can sleep yourself and never doubt you
are not disturbing someone else-- it’s true
if you should fart it seems like every minute,
and not get up each day at least till one,
then the bed is your’s, there's no one else left in it,
and what is sure is you’re a man my son!



[This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited December 06, 2007).]

The Ginsberg Room

I saw the best blinds of my habitation rolled up by madness,
....[showing me hysterically naked,
dragging myself on the turned-down sheets at dawn
....[looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipster burning for the ancient heavenly
....[connection to the starry HBO in the machinery of night.

The Tolkien Room

sign on the phone

Press 3 for room service if you wish to dine,
7 for the desk clerk down in the lobby,
9 to connect to an outside line,
1 for complaints--if you find something shoddy,
by day or by night, when the shadows lie.
If you're dissatisfied with anything:
the service, the food--please give us a ring,
by day or by night, when the shadows lie.

The Mary Shelley Bridal Suite

When your sweet bride lies down upon
this king-size heartshaped table,
we have no doubt you'll turn her on,
once you've hooked up the cable.

A Note Slipped Under the Door in the Dante Room

Please call the Front Desk, as we've heard,
from sources we cannot disclose,
of problems with your credit card.

It seems that Diners Club construes
their credit limits still apply -
but Limbo has its special rules.