above fish water
splashes in rain clouds foaming
sunless green below

Thank you Henry and Lee,

I am so enjoying this thread. I go to work excited about coming home and reading whatever happens next. http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif

Another *syllabic* form I've played around with is Cinquain. It's not a Japanese form, however, like haiku and/or tanka... and altho it sounds French, I do believe it's American in origin. I think I like it because the *rules* are lax and basically (I think) the only important qualifier is the number of syllables and the arrangement of them.

What amazes me in all of the short syllabic forms is the enormous amount of work that goes into creating one. Who would have imagined the hours and hours (possibly days and days or weeks and weeks) of work that you can put into a mere 17 or 22 syllables? (well, other then those who've tried to write a sensible one, of course)

Is it because of it's brevity that it becomes so time consuming, or in spite of it? Or am I just that slow? Maybe it's because you have no window dressing around it...nothing to hide behind, or dress up in...it's just each word standing there, naked, all alone.

Anyhow...Begging everyone's pardon and relying on the good will of all...I'm gonna take a chance and post a cinquain...just because it's Friday and I'll have the whole weekend to regret it in. http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif

Innominate

Behold
the changeling child.
The indolent daughter
of the night. She is the sun's bitch.
She shines.

Lo

Thank you for amplifying and clarifying my reference to the nature poems of older times, Lee. I have placed a longer private message in your pm inbox, a link to which you will find at the bottom of the Eratosphere Main Page.

G/W

Thanks, Lee! That's very reassuring.

I have another one that presently runs

purple stalagtites
threaten to impale my heart
under the lilacs

and I suspect that this one does suffer from the context problem, and that I should fix it by doing something like this:

under the lilacs
purple stalagtites take aim
at my aching heart

Am I getting the hang of this?

Sappho

(from Fragments 98a, 98b)

A very great ornament
from my mother's prime--
hair wound with purple.

Ornaments indeed!
Bindings with spangles,
or hair like yellow torches?

Daughter, no sparkling tiaras.
Where would I find them
in exile?

A sort of cento-- Fragments 98a and b come from the same mutilated papyrus. Senryu, zappai...or Sapph-u?

Down-east Haiku

Peepers plead for love
from receding puddle-ponds.
Down still warms your bed.

Lee thank you for you time and teaching and for this most enjoyable thread.

Gene

[This message has been edited by Gene Auprey (edited May 08, 2004).]

A bamboo-leaf boat
sways in the wake of a carp.
Winter will come soon.


Hi Lee. I've been finding these threads very interesting, and couldn't resist putting in a haiku of my own. Obviously L3 isn't so much an image as a thought, or an observation - is that acceptable haiku practice?

I know I should really be writing haiku about London, but I was living in Japan when I originally wrote a poem using this image, so the whole bamboo/carp thing isn't just japonisme for the sake of it.

Harry

Victoria—

Your stalagtites pierced me to the marrow, but I am afraid that haikuwise this poem is going in the wrong direction. Sorry!

Lee

MacArthur,

Well, truth be told, no-ku!

Lee

At Yankee Stadium

Beer sticks to your shoes.
You dishonor umpires.
You have no team songs.

(Translated from the Japanese of Abe)