Speccie: Mr Jingle
 

Well, we nearly did it. Only W.J. Webster prevted a Sphere clean sweep this week. Bazza won by a nose with Frank, Bill, Chris and me biting at his heels. We ALL knew about Wallace Stevens. Of course we did.

The new competition has possibilities.

No. 2670: MR JINGLE
You are invited to catapult Dickens’s Mr Jingle into the 21st century and have him deliver an anecdote (150 words maximum). Please submit entries, by email where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 20 October.

For Pete's sake, isn't anybody going to try this thing? We've all read Pickwick, right?

Young woman – set competitions – clever, very – read Dickens – liked him – set a Pickwick comp – no answer – empty inbox – Eratosphere thread a blank – panic – only Greenwell came up with anything – had to write the rest herself – quite enjoyed it – got into the habit – ignored contributions – developed her own literary talent – wrote more and more - editor approving – readers approving - usual compers depressed - didn't get a look in - Whitworth apoplectic – sad – very.

That's funny George but I know you're not going to send it in.

I read Pickwick a hundred years ago, give or take. Could anyone offer a quick Primer on Jingle and the salient characteristics we are to lampoon?

Read Pickwick -- long ago. Saw movie -- quite delightful. But this competition -- way beyond me. Many regrets -- sitting out. Money on Greenwell. (Where's Bazza?)

Roger. look up the bit about Jingle's cricket match against Sir Thomas Blazo, or some such name. I shall see if I can find it.

'Warm!--red hot--scorching--glowing. Played a match once--single wicket--friend the
colonel--Sir Thomas Blazo--who should get the greatest number of runs.--Won the toss--first
innings--seven o'clock A.m.--six natives to look out--went in; kept in--heat intense--natives all fainted--taken away--fresh half-dozen ordered--fainted also--Blazo bowling--supported by
two natives--couldn't bowl me out--fainted too--cleared away the colonel--wouldn't give in--faithful attendant--Quanko Samba--last man left--sun so hot, bat in blisters, ball scorched
brown--five hundred and seventy runs--rather exhausted-- Quanko mustered up last remaining strength--bowled me out-- had a bath, and went out to dinner.'

'And what became of what's-his-name, Sir?' inquired an old gentleman.

'Blazo?'

'No--the other gentleman.'
'Quanko Samba?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Poor Quanko--never recovered it--bowled on, on my account --bowled off, on his own--died, sir.' Here the stranger buried his countenance in a brown jug, but whether to hide his emotion or imbibe its contents, we cannot distinctly affirm. We only know that he paused suddenly, drew a long and deep breath, and looked anxiously on, as two of the principal members of the
Dingley Dell club approached Mr. Pickwick, and said--

'We are about to partake of a plain dinner at the Blue Lion, Sir; we hope you and your friends will join us.'
'Of course,' said Mr. Wardle, 'among our friends we include Mr.--;' and he looked towards the stranger.

'Jingle,' said that versatile gentleman, taking the hint at once. 'Jingle--Alfred Jingle, Esq., of No Hall, Nowhere.'

HEY! I once received a 2 a.m. obscene phone call from this guy!

Write it down then, Julie. Write it down.

metro news
deficits – reduced –
benefits ...
novice Ed strikes blow –
Liverpool prepares

perfect fraud
rare wines – never existed –
high living ...
fast cars – bogus companies –
two-point-five million pounds

weathermen – feel chill
presentators – too many –
behind-the-scene – cuts –
Weather Centre – demotions –
snow expected in Scotland