Eratosphere - Ear ye! Ear ye!

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- - Ear ye! Ear ye! (https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?t=5167)

Here is a topic proposed by Richard Taylor, one of our new members:

"There are 11 parts of the human body containing three letters, [no abbreviations ie bum ex,] most are obvious though some tend to get stuck on one or two, so name the 11 parts then write a amusing poem incorporating all "11" perhaps about a person going to see their doctor."

P.S. - I can only think of 6, hmmmmmmmmmm.

P.P.S. - Robe....er....uh...Richard, please forgive me for getting your name wrong. :O

Hi Sharon, thanks once again for puting this on.
"which 6 do you know then"
regards Richard.

Here ya go Richard,

the poem sucks, but I think I got all the words in...

"Good morning, Mr Failinghealth,
and how are you today?"
"I'm feelin' bloody awful, Doc,
I hate to feel this way."
"Well then, good sir, describe for me,
the pain, and where it's at;
I'll then decide what best to do
'bout quickly fixing that."
Well, I've got a bloody earache
and my lower lip's quite sore;
the pain extends right to my gums,
I can hardly move my jaw.
There's this fairly general sort of ache
because I stubbed my toe
and my gut's so big, I couldn't bend
to check it out, you know?
My testicles are burning
(I spilled coffee on my lap),
I jumped up, slipped, and hurt my hip
now I'm feeling like a sap!
To top it off, my left arm throbs
from lifting a beer keg
and I've got this phantom itch
that runs down my wooden leg!
I'll tell the truth 'cos I don't like fibs,
there's something in my eye
plus the missus poked me in the ribs
and I'm too friggin' scared to cry!
So, what do you think is wrong with me, what's your diagnosis?
Is it good, bad or indifferent, do I get a doomsday warning?"
You've got a terminal case of hypochondriac neurosis,
so take two tylenol; if pain persists, come see me in the morning."

HB

Hi H.B.
Thanks for your effort in my bit of light relief, well done sir. It's not easy puting that lot into a poem, I was going to make the Doctor Welsh -Mr Iver Hardy, but I don't think Sharon would have let me get away with that. We used to win a few pints in the local pub in the old days with this one, its surprising asking a half cut lad to name the 11 in a short time limit. They usually got stuck on a couple [gum-and gut] the things they were using most in the pub?
see you round the boards.
Richard.

Without my lip
I could not sip.
Without my eye
I could not cry.
Without my ear
I could not hear.
Without my jaw
I could not gnaw.
Without my gum
I could not hum.
Without my arm
I could not farm.
Without my toe
for all I know
I'd promptly slip
and break my hip
if not my leg.
And I would beg
to keep my gut
intact, uncut,
and gladly fib
to keep each rib.

[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited January 11, 2004).]

I eschewed "gut" and "gum" but still have doubts about "lap"
---------------------------

I don’t believe in Adam’s rib .
Eve came first, and that’s no fib.

Adam budded from her hip
then kissed her on her lovely lip.

She shyly lowered lid and lid
And ran behind a shrub and hid.

He joined her there and placed his arm
Around her waist. That was the charm

that thrilled her, so she wrapped each leg
around his torso, made him beg

until she felt both love and fear.
She whispered in his blushing ear

“Please stop, oh stop, oh no, please go.
And while you’re at it, suck my toe.”

On pleasure they saw eye to eye
and pleased each other by and by

and afterward, she scratched his jaw,
fingered her beard burn, red and raw

and curled up in his waiting lap
and took the first post-coital nap.

Hi Kate,
You are right regarding "lap" because it must be proceeded by another word ie,eye-lid brain-pan ex, the 11 must make sense on there own in terms of the human body.

leg
gut
gum
arm
rib
hip
jaw
eye
toe
lip
ear
Great poem Kate and Roger
Richard.

[This message has been edited by richard taylor (edited January 10, 2004).]

A Ditty I jotted prompted by this Drill

Being fully aware that this thread is by now ancient, I do not expect anyone to spot this post of mine, much less respond. Yet, I found myself diverted some moments by this drill. I came up with this ditty, which however trivial and off the cuff, I figure wouldn't hurt to post anyway. I used more than the 11 words of anatomy prescribed, and took some liberty not to employ the doctor in it, as for some reason this theme just emerged and I went with it.

A Mad Fraternity (Incorporating Words Of Anatomy)

Not like effeminate fops who sip
One glass an age, with dainty lip
We brothers gape the guzzling jaw,
The broader fount of booze to draw.
As lions rip, split crudely ribs,
We dig in, alphas claiming dibs.
Our bellowing chants hint 'break a leg'
Help one man brave one tidal-wave keg,
They roister, use no short breathed lung
Hurled deep from diaphragms nonsense rung.
The frat requires each man devote
Himself by straining dead his throat;
To tan the skin, and taint the gum:
This by football, and that by rum.
We wrestle brotherly, brawny arm
Twists arm, slammed prostrate; that's slight harm
Brushed off; not so our inner ears
That hears less as Spring Break draws near.
In each: fire shots and acids jar
Bile, flesh and phlegm intestine war
Self-waged; far worse than outer cuts
Is poison swallowed to tax our guts.
If life's equated to a river,
Drink lighter streams, dear God your liver...

Ah, but you are wrong to assume you will go unnoticed for posting under the cover of darkness in an old thread. Spheroid police lurk everywhere, writing tickets and admonishing the young with lectures dripping of morals and heavy sighs.

For you are not entitled to post anything remotely poem-like, dear New Member of Eratosphere.

Look here: http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/view.p...info_newmember

Quote:

First of all, greetings from the Eratosphere community and thank you for joining us! We're very happy you've found The 'Sphere! :)

Along with our warm welcome though, we want to take the opportunity to mention important site tips and give you hints and pointers about Eratosphere:

For starters, a few important reminders:

The first recommended action after your membership is approved is to familiarize yourself with Eratosphere and its rules -- please start reading our guidelines page here.
The Site Terms of Service and Privacy Policy are also recommended reading for new members.

After you're done with the rules and any attendant legalese, here are some hints and pointers for you as a new member:

and here

Quote:

As a new Member, you have to undergo a small apprenticeship before posting your own works for critique on the Metrical, Non-Metrical, and Fiction Forums: you must wait at least one week following your Membership approval and offer a minimum number of substantive critiques before starting a thread of your own. The minimum number of critiques for poetry is fifteen on the Metrical, Deep End, and Non-Metrical Forums combined. For the Fiction Forum, the minimum is three. Note, however, that the new-post privileges are no longer enabled automatically. Thus, as a new member, once you think you've achieved the required fifteen critiques, you'll need to contact the moderator of the forum where you intend to post to, and s/he will verify that you've indeed made fifteen substantive critiques, and if so, your new-post privileges will be enabled.

I don't know what system glitch let you slip through the net but I suppose it has to do with the special status of "Drills and Amusements".

And yes, it is frowned upon to dredge up old threads accidentally, but doing it accidentally on purpose is positively scowled upon.

Well, I dunno, Janice, I think you're being a bit harsh. As you say, Drills and Amusements is a special case. Its chief purpose these days is for the weekly competitions, and it would be pretty difficult for a new member to notch up 15 crits before posting an entry for a current competition before the deadline.

True, Erik's post was not for a competition, but the revival of an old thread. Yet there too, as I understand it, members are requested not to do so unless they have something substantial to add, which I would have thought is the case here.