An Exercise on Famous Last Words
 

"If You Loved Me, You Would"

You're never satisfied.
You want your catfish fried
while wriggling on the hook,
its tail still in the brook.

You come on hot as Shelley
but primed by Machiavelli.
You want your women loyal
like you wuz something royal.

You're just a short-haul trucker.
You grab a gal and shuck her.
You moved me once or twice,
then went from fire to ice.

You're worse than civil war.
Besides you grunt and snore.
So over there's the door.
I don't love you any more.

NOTE ON THE KITCHEN TABLE

I did not love you yesterday.
I love you even less today.
And here's my educated guess:
tomorrow I will love you less,
but by the next day it will seem
like passion, love and high esteem,
and so on at so great a rate
that by next Thursday I will hate
the very ground you walk upon,
so keep the house and car. I'm gone.

I've loved you for years,
and much to my sorrow.
I'm leaving today.
Well--maybe tomorrow.

Note: I've posted another version of this one below.


FORTY SKIDOO

Farewell, farewell,
it's time to scram,
to bust, to scoot,
to bolt, to jam,

to bail, to roll,
to skip, to blow,
to hit the road,
to fade, to go,

to split, push off,
make tracks, vamoose,
to beat it, boogie,
bounce, cut loose,

to flee, to break,
to hike, to fly,
to pearl, to jet,
to wave good-bye,

to ramble, toddle,
leave, move on,
to flee the scene,
clear out, be gone,

to bug out, check out,
flake out, ditch.
Pick one, my dear.
I don't care which.

Would you prefer
I say it louder?
It's over, sweetheart.
Take a powder.

Is it my imagination, Bob, or does this have echoes of Dr. Seuss's "Marvin K. Mooney Won't You Please Go Now"?

Steeped as I am in various titles by Dr. Seuss, I don't know that one at all? Is it too close?

I just wrote this with a slang dictionary in front of me listing ways of saying "leave." It did feel kiddie-like to me, though, and I was planning on doing a version with a different ending for kids.

Good one Roger! Reminds me of "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." Do you mean peal for pearl? (as in peal out in my GTO)
Cheers,
Ralph

Thanks, Ralph. No, the slang dictionary site I used claims that "pearl" is a way of saying "leave." I guess I should try to confirm it elsewhere.

Fowl Play

The white bird sobbed when she read the letter,
she thought she had known her heron better,
the croaking and billing had been a wonder
but now everything was torn asunder
and she was left with her aching regrets:
the note said "Ciao, but I'll have no egrets."

This is a revised and expanded version of what I posted above:


FIFTY-TWO SKIDOO

Farewell, farewell,
it's time to scram,
to bust, to scoot,
to bolt, to jam,

to bail, to roll,
to skip, to blow,
to hit the road,
to fade, to go,

to split, push off,
make tracks, vamoose,
to beat it, boogie,
bounce, cut loose,

to flee, to break,
to hike, to fly,
to pearl, to jet,
to wave good-bye,

to ramble, toddle,
leave, move on,
to quit the scene,
clear out, be gone,

to bug out, check out,
cut out, ditch.
Go on, pick one!
I don't care which.

Don't you hear me?
Once more, louder:
Kick it. Exit.
Take a powder.

Embark! Abscond!
Don't make me shout.
The door is open.
Quick, get out!

Flake off! Vanish!
Mount your saddle.
Be scarce! Begone!
Depart! Skedaddle!