Narrative Magazine: epigram contest
 

passing this on from my e-mail inbox:

"WHILE AN APHORISM aims to express universal truth, the goal of an epigram is brevity, wit, and longevity.
Epigrams often take the form of rhyming couplets, and one written by Coleridge expresses its role well:

What is an Epigram? A dwarfish whole;
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.
Oscar Wilde, however, produced a vast collection of nonrhyming epigrams:

“I can resist everything except temptation.”

“Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.”

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

This week, Puzzler challenges you to an epigram competition.

Send your epigrams to Puzzler by Monday noon, Pacific standard time. You may send as many epigrams as you wish."

The address is: puzzler@narrativemagazine.com

Is this an epigram?
 

Is this an epigram? I don't think so, as it has only the first of the three attributes listed above.


Don't cheat on me, dear. It's not that I'm jealous.
I just wouldn't wish you on anyone elous.

I love that, Marion! Brilliant.

Thanks, Bob. But it's still not an epigram, is it? Aren't epigrams supposed to have a certain--well--dignity, that this one seriously lacks...especially with that godawful pun?

How about this for you, Marion,

One woman’s cheating man is another woman’s cheating man.

If you can’t attain brevity, wit, or longevity,
you may still get some points by engendering levity.

Frank

Epigrams/Platitudes:

He finally got his driver’s license, now he can drive himself up the wall.

At a certain age people come in two editions, melons or prunes.

Life is as flat as a pancake without him, a flat, bland, boring pancake without syrup.

Some people can turn a failed outing into a fun adventure, others can turn a fun adventure into a failed outing.

A plentitude of flatitudes aspiring to levity, but not to emaility!

Marion, doesn't Ogden Nash do epigrams? Yours is an Ogden, surely.

My two all-time favourite epigrams are:

Two men look out through prison bars:
One sees mud, the other sees stars.

The vilest furniture in the land
is an elephant's foot umbrella stand.

*****************************

Put your coat on before you answer the door. Why??
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just going out,"/ "I've just come in. Hi!"

When something breaks down, you need a spare part.
When something breaks up, you need a spare heart.

Falling in a love is a blast
if you don’t mind the fallout.
.

John, An Ogden!? That's the best compliment I ever got in my life!

Petra, I especially love that last one. Fallout! Heehee.

Thanks, Marion. Yours is very witty even without the pun. You could change it to "else" and be content.

My take on an old one:

If life is a bowl of cherries, death is the pits.

John's mention of Ogden sent me straight to Google, where I discovered Mike Birch has a whole page of epigrams on The Hypertexts.


He has this one from Nash:

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
in such a fix to be so fertile.
—Ogden Nash


There are lots of good ones. I especially liked:

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.—Will Rogers


This one was interesting to me, as it was the slogan of my son's football team (which was called the Bulldogs), it was even on a t-shirt, but there was no attribution to good old Ike.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight that counts, it's the size of the fight in the dog.—Dwight D. Eisenhower



Check out the page. It's got all the usual suspects, plus some unexpected ones.

epigrams on The Hypertexts

A good page, Marion, with some great epigrams. Thanks!

The legendary Fountain of Youth
is a soda-pop counter and booth.

Beauty is only skin deep.
Wisdom sticks to our teeth.
.

****

A rose is a rose is a rose...
and where it stops, nobody knows.

"A rose is a rose is a rose,"
said a pundit who's redundant.
.

This one's been floating around the Internet:

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck will be the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

Caught between the avalanche and the tsunami the wise individual considers levitation.

This is one I've often said, and I've never searched to see if it was elsewhere.

While one cannot be sure whether all the money in the world can’t buy you happiness,
it is certain that all the happiness in the world can’t buy you money.