Speccie: Triple Clerihew
 

As so often, Bazza alone carried the hopes of the Sphere, though Chris O'Carroll and Bill Greenwell were nearly there. This week's competition has already had me pondering and I now have a solution. I wonder whether Lucy meant to say 2010. I will email her and enquire.

No. 2681: triplicate
You are invited to submit a treble clerihew about a public figure who was prominent in 2009. Please email entries, where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 12 January. .

2009!
I misread it, and on the bus yesterday composed this, which is definitely 2010.
I don't think I like the competition anyway. The chief merit of a clerihew is that it is short, sharp and rhythmically surprising. A triple one just becomes twelve lines of doggerel, like this rather grumpy example:

Charlie Gilmour
Wishes people would chill more.
Swinging from the Cenotaph
Was only meant for a laugh.

What's surprising is that despite his dad's loud asseveration
That nobody needs no education,
And despite seeming intellectually puny
This bloke gained a place at uni.

One, moreover, that is usually seen as a discerning
Place of learning.
A spokesman for Cambridge university
Claims that the admission of the occasional twerp proves the institution's commitment to inclusivity and diversity.

I don't think an American is likely to win this one, or I would attempt to do a number on Sarah Palin.

Go for it Gail. She is as infamous abroad as at home.

I thought a treble clerihew would be like this:


Andrew Strauss

Andrew Strauss
Proved a man and not a mouse.
After titanic clashes
He won the Ashes.

Andrew Strauss
Did not carp or grouse.
He was upbeat,
And it worked a treat.

Andrew Strauss
Had the nous
To return
With the urn.

Barack Obama
had an American mama
but that's not enough when ya
may have been born in Kenya.

Barack Obama
could end the drama
and show that the birthers goof
if he merely offered proof.

Barack Obama
should get a note from the Dalai Lama
with a seal of approval from the Pontificate
saying "Jesus, too, lacked a birth certificate."

Jaspistos set a double/treble clerihew comp some years back. Most prizewinners did not repeat the name.

Link here:

http://www.spectator.co.uk/wit-and-w...lerihews.thtml

Thanks, George, dammit. Lucy emails to say 2009 should read 2010. She will accept either year.

Julian Paul Assange
Muttered “plus ça change,”
When told Sweden was seeking
Him as a source of unauthorized leaking.
He wasn't daunted,
Till he found he was wanted
For something more sticky
Than nonconsensual Wicki.
It’s believed extradition
May require an expedition
To offer him either a slap on the hand, or
A visit in future from Lisbeth Salander.

Frank

Frank,

That's very good.
(I'm having an early night to go and finish reading the last in the 'Lisbeth Salander' trilogy - it's unputdownable.)

2009 does it for me, though I share George's misgivings about over-extending this particular form. But here goes, even though the last line is manifestly untrue ---

Carol Ann Duffy’s appointment
is a potential fly in the ointment,
since her stated intent
is not necessarily to cover each royal event.

Bearing in mind this year’s royal wedding
and, dynasts hope, an immediately productive bedding
will she write about either
or neither?

Time was when an aureate,
but invariably obsequious, Laureate
who did not perform when Royals were wedded
risked being beheaded.

2009 does it for me, too, Martin. I love that last line of yours!

Stieg Larsson
was, sadly, buried by the parson
before his phenomenal success
with three great novels, no less.

And the films are far from tat, too,
about Lisbeth, the eponymous "Girl Who..."
2009 brought Stieg’s name,
like J K Rowling, worldwide fame.

It’s such a pity the poor (sorry, rich) man’s dead
and not a living legend instead.
But all that posthumous wealth
doesn’t compensate for good health.

A HOUSE DIVIDED

Hugh Laurie,
what's the story?
Just when I got used 'ta
you as Bernie Wooster

you swapped your perfectly proper set of British jawbones
for the cranky twang of an American sawbones
known for his medical brilliance,
and, in the process, you made millions,

yet when that happened, you came down a rung,
debasing, as you have, Will Shakespeare's tongue,
and leaving Stephen Fry
to wonder why.


*
(In 2010, he became the highest paid actor in US television).

Bob,
You have a little typo there - I think he made 'millions'.

Christine O'Donnell
from now on'll
be a byword for shrewd
political ineptitude.

Christine O'Donnell--
that myrmidonal
favorite of the Tea Party crowd,
smiling, smug, unbowed.

Christine O'Donnell
is absolutely paragonal,
for she, you see,
is not a witch; she's me.
_____

Christine O'Donnell--
hmmm, maybe John'll
run again with her as running mate.
The perfect heads of state!

Christine O'Donnell??
At least Amazon'll
make all her books best sellers
among cave dwellers.

Christine O'Donnell--
I wonder if DeCon'll
eradicate her
or merely aggravate her?

Sarah Palin
has surged in the polls where once she was failin'.
So beware, you community organizers, healthcare fanatics, tree-huggers,
and left-leaning buggers.

But all you Joe Sixpacks, you'll find that she's tops--
This gal's got the chops,
blunt-spoken and hearty,
the perfect hostess for any Tea Party.

You won't hear her complaining about some endangered species.
No, it's easy to see she's
a hockey mom, a maverick, a pitbull with lipstick,
as smart as a dipstick.

Come, come, Roger. Bertie Wooster, short for Bertram.

Oops. It doesn't matter, though, since I didn't enter anything, half because I forgot and half because what I wrote didn't really cut the mustard.

Well, all I managed was Strauss which I don't think has the legs to win either.

Bob, I cannot believe that I pointed out your little typo with 'millions' and missed the 'Bertie' one. I've completely shot my reputayshun as a good poof-reeder now!!!