Bake-off results posted here !
 

I'm getting ready to leave town for a long weekend and won't be back until Sunday. I'll try to get my final comments up Monday morning. I've found the critiques interesting, especially when someone caught something that slipped by me.

Sam

Never mind. I cancelled a couple of appointments this afternoon and was able to get my comments in before leaving town. Cathy will post them tomorrow as planned.

I have received Mr. Gwynn's final comments and his picks for #1, #2, and #3.

I will post them here on Friday morning.

Double posted.

Well, here it is, Friday morning 5 a.m. (EDT) and time to begin a long holiday week-end and to close the 2011 Eratosphere sonnet bake-off.

The final results are (including Mr. Gwynn's choices as well as my own):

First Place — Sonnet #3, "I Need Men" (49 points)
Second Place — Sonnet #8, "Surabaya" (47 points)
Third Place— Sonnet #1 — "Matriarch" (21 points)

Congratulations!!!!

The other sonnets received the following points:

Sonnet #2 — "The Way It Ended" (7 points)
Sonnet #4 — "Dressing for You" (14 points)
Sonnet #5 — "God May Forgive You" (15 points)
Sonnet #6 — "Differing Visions" (9 points)
Sonnet #7 — "Smitten" (11 points)
Sonnet #9 — "Bird's Eye View" (12 points)
Sonnet #10 — "Stuffed" (13 points)
Sonnet #11 — "green" (3 points)
Sonnet #12 — "Bell Creek Canyon" (6 points)
Sonnet #13 — "The Dead King's Daughter Weds His Conqueror" (6 points)


THE POETS ARE:



Sonnet #1: Thomas S. Kerrigan
Sonnet #2: Gail White
Sonnet #3: Cally Conan-Davies
Sonnet #4: Anna Evans
Sonnet #5: John Whitworth
Sonnet #6: Maryann Corbett
Sonnet #7: Andrew Frisardi
Sonnet #8: Adam Elgar
Sonnet #9: David Anthony
Sonnet #10: John Beaton
Sonnet #11: Bruce McBirney
Sonnet #12: Peter Coghill
Sonnet #13: Michael Cantor


If I may, I would like to list a "baker's dozen" of sonnets that I had a helluva time not including in the thirteen listed above:



HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Rude Sonnet, by Roger Slater
Letter from Lone Pine, by Jan Iwaszkiewicz
On Tom Robert’s “Bailed Up”, by Peter Moltoni
Parting Shots, by Alan Wickes
Chicken, by David Condell
For An Aging Butterfly, by R. Nemo Hill
Pictures at an Extradition, by Philip Quinlan
Run, by Cynthia Neely
My Sister and I, by Laura Heidy
Survivor, by Timothy Murphy
Rahab the Harlot, by Susan McLean
A Change of Tune, by Martin Elster
Sleeping in Tongues, by Ann Drysdale





MR. GWYNN'S CHOICES:


First Place- God Will Forgive You
Second Place - Surabaya
Third Place - I Need Men


ADDITIONAL COMMENTS BY MR. GWYNN:



Sonnet #1 “Matriarch”

As I said before, and others have noted, there are a few blips in diction here that can easily be fixed in a redraft.


Sonnet #2 “The Way It Ended”

This just strikes me as a little too pat. And that first stanza’s metaphor still doesn’t work for me. Line 11 does stand out for praise.


Sonnet #3 “I Need Men”

Despite the fact that it’s an “unruly” sonnet, I rated it high on my list just because of the energy of the diction. It’s a poem one would relish hearing at a reading. I rate it at #3.

Sonnet #4 “Dressing for You”
I didn’t comment on “minimum of guilt” here, which leads to the same questions that others have raised: Whom is she meeting? At first, I thought it was just sneaking out for a little afternoon delight with husband. Now I’m not so sure.

Sonnet #5 “God May Forgive You”
This one most perfectly fills the expectations and demands of a sonnet, and the always tricky Italian form at that. As I said, it has a tone of voice and “sound” that are quite wonderful. Sure, there’s a turn. The 9th line shifts into the rhetorical question mode, as if the auditor has made some protest between octave and sestet (break into two stanzas?) It reminds me of how Donne interacts with his auditor in “The Canonization.” It is rhetorically the cleverest of the poems posted here. Even though I think I know who wrote it, that doesn’t disqualify me for giving it first place.

Sonnet #6 “Differing Visions”

Those “hot pinks sweatpants” seem to be coded metonymy for lower-class. As some have said, color blindness is not exactly a terrible handicap, especially in time of war!


Sonnet #7 “Smitten”

I just found this one a little too uncontrolled for my taste, and I still have trouble with lines 8-10.

Sonnet #8 “Surabaya”

Other than the punctuation problems, this one is the most inventive with the sonnet form. If the author can figure out a more coherent way of making it work on the page it should be easily publishable. I put it at #2.


Sonnet #9 “Bird’s Eye View”

I like this, but it ultimately seems a little forced in its self-deprecating irony. It’s essentially a poem about writing poetry, of which there are probably too many.


Sonnet #10 “Stuffed”

No one commented on “lair,” which by any definition is an interior space. In a rhyming position and at the end of the octave, this would have to come under extra scrutiny.

Sonnet #11 “green”

This just didn’t work for me. If a man is speaking, he’s basically saying, “Gosh, she missed a great chance to get to know me better.”


Sonnet #12 “Bell Creek Canyon”

Those webs seem to have given other readers problems too.


Sonnet #13 “The Dead King’s Daughter Weds His Conqueror”

Now that I know that this one has to lean on another poem (and, sadly, an obscure and better one) I’d have to mark it down a little. It seems like this guy could stand tutoring in a zillion things other than “casuistry.”


YOUR HOST SIGNS OFF:



Well, that’s it for this year’s Eratosphere Sonnet Bake-off!

Once again, a huge thank you to Sam Gwynn for judging and commenting on the finalists’ sonnets. And, as always, a world of thanks to Alex Pepple for Eratosphere.

In case you’re interested in some statistics, I received 68 sonnets, 47 (or 69%) from men and 21 (or 31%) from women and the 13 finalist sonnets happened to be equally represented.

As is usually the case for “screeners”, the choice of thirteen finalists was no easy task. Only after having read the finalists and honorable mentions over a dozen times, was I able to send off the 13 to Sam Gwynn.

I noticed two recurring themes as I read over and over this year’s crop of sonnets, i.e., references to color (or the absence thereof) and gemstones. We saw it in the candle flame in “Matriarch”, the crimson and gold-leaf in “Stuffed” and the (not-so-)golden anniversary in “The Way It Ended”; the (out)bursts of color throughout “Differing Visions”, the explosive “Smitten” in its entirety, the jeweled sandals in “Dressing for You”, the diamonds and emeralds of “green” and “Bell Creek Canyon”, and the elusive, dazzling gem in “Bird’s Eye View”.

There were somber (under)tones as well, as we saw so wonderfully depicted in the dull, colorless boor of “I Need Men”, the surreal landscape of “Surabaya”, and the unstated but understood ashen shade of a burnt-out relationship in “God May Forgive You”.

Michael Cantor’s bow to the mastery of Margaret Griffiths and her poetry (for which her sonnets are models we can all learn from) made this sonnet bake-off even that more special.

But there is someone else who needs to be remembered as we close this sonnet bake-off for 2011 – Mr. Alan Sullivan, affectionately dubbed Eratosphere’s EfH (Editor from Hell), who, it is known, would settle for nothing but perfection when it came to sonnets (of which he was not overly fond, to put it mildly).

With that in mind, below is a 13-line sonnet written by Seree Zohar, who emailed to me that, as she has two sons on the front lines as we speak, she regretted not being able to participate as actively as she would have liked in the sonnet bake-off this year. Seree, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and thank you for the sonnet in memory of Alan Sullivan.

Finally, thank you, everyone, for your participation in this event. And . . . à la prochain!


Requiem

By Seree Zohar


Gone: and God only knows why.
It’s been divined: your corpus done,
dear friend, my offer’s been declined
though God knows how, in May, I begged:
     Who portioned Adam a thousand years;
     who carved out seventy; who molded
     them as earth’s clay in His hands;
     who, blessing them, conferred them
     upon David, shepherd king and
     poet; and certainly hears Alan
     asking “only four months more...?”
     Who grants us choice, take them from mine!
Who calls, dear spirit-kin? Adieu.

Congrats to Cally, a worthy winner.

An "Hon. Mench" will do me (especially in such esteemed company). My sonnet was a bit abnormal, to say the least. Deformed, even.

Staggering, despite my vote of confidence, that Michael attracted so few votes. He aped the voice so well I had him down as a she. Most of my other guesses re: authorship were bang on.

Again, thanks to Cathy and Sam.

Philip

Many thanks to Cathy and Sam for running the competition.
Congrats to the winners.
Thanks to those who commented on my poem. Also to those who voted for it: your cheques are in the post.
Best regards,
David

Thanks again, Catherine and Sam!

One of the things I love about the Bakeoff is that the poems are pretty much anonymous, and they receive a different sort of criticism than when the poets' names are known. There are definitely some names on this list that surprise me, impress me and sometimes baffle me.

The one down side is that when the names are ultimately revealed, the human element makes me wish I'd been a bit less blunt in my critiques. So for those of you I gave a rather sharp tongue to -- it's truly nothing personal!

It's a great event, and I look forward to next year.

Congratulations to the people's champions, Cally and Adam and Tom! and to John, Mr. Gwynn's top choice.

(I haven't seen Adam around much lately; Adam, come out and take a bow!)

And yes indeed, thanks again to Cathy and to Sam--and to Tim for originating our sonnet bakeoffs.

I always look forward to the moment when the secrets of all hearts are revealed and we know who's who. I add my congratulations to our winners and my thanks to the judges - and a special thanks to Cathy for adding that second list of 13 - I can see what a problem the choice presented! (Wish we could put the whole 26 in a chapbook). Again,
congratulations to all.

As always, tremendous fun to take part, and thanks so much to Cathy and R.S. Gwynn for all their time and effort. I was thrilled to even have a horse in the race when the field was so strong. And congratulations, of course, to the winning sonneteers!

(The funniest part for me was being pegged as a guy. Made me smile for days!)

Why CAN'T we put all 26 in a chapbook? Able Muse Press? Someone else?

But Anna, you haven't answered the question, illicit affair, or not?

I thought not. Enjoyed, either way.

Tracey

Actually, this has been thought about before. At Tim's urging, I once compiled a file of several years' winners. The plan was to look for a trade publisher. I never heard that this had any success.

Some stickiness is involved in the case of poems already published (or to be published) in books, in which case the publisher probably owns the rights. So it would take some administrative work, and it might cost some money.

But maybe something informal and privately distributed?

The sonnet is a work of fiction, as all poems are, even those based on autobiographical incidents. As I say to my students, "Try not to conflate the author of the poem with the first person narrator of the poem," and then we invariably do...

I could have a word with the press that does my chapbooks, if you'd like...

Maverick Duck Press

Congratulations to the winners!

I wish I could read the honorable mentions. (One of them a Rude Sonnet, another one titled Parting Shots--and I recently wrote one initially titled "Parting Punch," which is my rude sonnet. Naturally, I'm very curious.)

I'd buy the chapbook. :)

Yay Cally!!!!

Hooray all winners!

Rick

To my main man, Anna: I'm so glad you were amused, not mad. You're a true trooper -- you took it like a man. ;-)
Congrats to Cally, for her first-place win and delightful poem.
Congrats to Tom on taking third place with his very fine sonnet, with its unforgettable ending.
And congrats to Adam for taking second place. I was thrilled to find he wrote "Surabaya". I absolutely adore the poem.
I had a gas at the bake-off. Thanks to one and all.

I thought I would have a better chance of winning the Women's 400m Freestyle at the London Olympics, or Best Supporting Actress at the Golden Globes, than ever winning the Sonnet Bake-off at Eratosphere.

To those who voted for my sonnet, thank you so much, and I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it! I want to comment on the poem itself, later, on its separate thread. I am travelling at the moment, so unable to spend much time at the computer.

To Sam Gwynn, who doesn't know me from a bar of soap, I am equally thrilled that you found a place for it in your top three. And to Cathy - you've been a wonderful host, and I've enjoyed your comments very much.

And finally, I want to thank all those men who made this sonnet possible. And most of all, the one in particular who was the inspiration at hand when this poem came tumbling out. He knows who he is, and he knows how dearly I love and value him. The man in the cold window has taught, and continues to teach me, so much.

Truly and "unruly",

Cally

Like Cally, I'm not well placed to say as much as I'd like, in order to thank Sam, Cathy and of course, all those who took part both as entrants and commentators. I'm extremely surprised and grateful at having notched up those points - thank you all, and I'm even more extremely sorry to have missed all the fun by being away and offline for the past two weeks! I hope it's ok for me to keep inserting my thoughts on the other poems as I currently am. A great bunch of poems showing all the Sphere's range and high quality.

Congrats on your well-deserved landslide victory, Cally!

I published "I Need Men" in Lavender's Issue 2. Click here to listen to Cally's delicious reading of her poem.

I loved reading all the sonnets and comments and it was fun trying to guess who wrote the poems. (I knew who wrote "I Need Men," "Stuffed," and "Matriarch" but not the others.) I never would have been able to pick my favorites, as I liked all of them for different reasons.

Congratulations, Cally, Tom, John, Adam, the finalists, and the HMs. I'm delighted my poem, "A Change of Tune," was given an HM. And thank you Cathy and Sam for this splendid event. I look forward to next year's.

Me, too.

Martin

Congratulations to you, Cally, and the other winners and participants.

Thanks also to you, Mary, for the recording. I like that laugh at the end.

To Sam and Cathy, thanks for organizing this so very well.

I had time to read all the threads this year and enjoyed them. It's like a workshop environment in some ways, but it's interesting to see how the comments evolve when the writer, whose identity may or may not be known, is not part of the conversation. It probably gives truer insight into what happens when a poem goes out into the world unaccompanied by its author.

A fine event.

John

"Try not to conflate the author of the poem with the first person narrator of the poem,"

--Actually, I was asking if you knew about the nature of N's affair, since you wrote the poem, Anna, after all. :) (I hadn't assumed the author and N were one and the same)

Tracey

Congratulations to all the poets, and thanks again to Cathy and Sam.

And what a terrific reading, Cally!

Best,
Jean

Oh I do! :) And I have absorbed all the comments about the level of mystery in the poem and may well revisit it at some point. (And thanks for all the other nits as well, everyone! Changes will be made.)

But from the author's perspective, some degree of mystery remains imperative in the nature of the poem, which is, as someone commented, intended to be more about the narrator's enjoyment of herself as a sexual being and the level to which this is, or is not, perceived by the other parents and teachers (NOT the kids, who are, in my experience, oblivious to these nuances pre-middle school) rather than the identity of the person she is going to meet. :)

I'm late to the party, but I want to join in the congratulations to the finalists, especially the winners, Cally, Adam and Tom, and expressions of gratitude to our sterling pair of administrators.

Warm congratulations, Cally, for a SuperCallyrific effort—almost a walkover, but for Adam's strong finish.

The HM was more than I hoped for, so I'm chuffed too. Thanks, Cathy.

Peter

My chapbook publisher, Maverick Duck Press, just got back to me and said he WOULD be interested in publishing a chapbook of the 26 sonnets, if we want to pursue it.

I'm not sure how to proceed with the copyright discussions. Perhaps if everyone who "owns" one of the 26 sonnets could email me (evnsanna_at_comcast_dot_net) the copyright status of their sonnet? I have full rights to mine, which has only appeared in a local poetry journal.

What would we want to title the chapbook?

I will also negotiate with him regarding contributor copies etc.

Or let me know if you don't want to proceed with this plan.

Cheers!

I wish someone could do a book of finalists from all the bakeoffs past and present. What a great anthology that would make.

David R.

Perhaps the title of one of the sonnets?

Anna,

I have the rights to Matriarch. I don't know of any poet who would pass up the chance to get published, whether its the NY Times or the Rural Reader (which actually reviewed my last book). I think the Rosenthal plan is maybe a better idea. How about "Win, Place, and Show Sonnets 20 --2011."

What are we waiting for?

If anybody wants to take up the work, I can send you my nicely organized file of everything through 2007 and you can take it from there. But I fear I've got too many projects on my plate already to do more with this.

Congratulations Cally, I loved the reading too (thanks for the link Mary).

Would Able Muse Press be interested? After all, what the world needs now is another sonnet anthology.

(But seriously, though I think an Eratsphere anthology -- sonnets or more -- would be very cool, the prospect of a bigger book should not interfere with the efforts afoot to do the chapbook that is being talked about here. I would not want my dispicable sour grapes bitterness about not entering the year someone actually follows through on publishing such a thing to derail the actual follow through of publishing it.)

David R.

Anna,

I assume you got my e-mail, which stated that I own the rights to "A Change of Tune." I think a chapbook is a neat idea, and if that project turns out well, then we could think about a bigger anthology of "Win, Place, and Show Sonnets 20 --2011." Thanks.

Martin

So far I have only heard from 6 of the 25 other people whose poems would appear in said chapbook. I don't know if this is because of ambivalence about the project, lack of rights to the poems, absence from the board or what?

The other thing I could consider doing either instead of, although I hear a voice for as well as, the chapbook, is approaching Central Avenue Press (who publish The Raintown Review) about the larger manuscript.

Lots of ways to contact me: I lurk regularly on Eratosphere, so reply to this thread. My email is evnsanna_at_comcast.net. Facebook. (Lots of Anna Evanses but not many are friends with a Quincy R. Lehr!!)

Cheers!

Anna

Presumably you got my email too?

I suppose it might be that, now the party's over, folks are less likely to check this thread at all. I can't believe the lack of responses is just apathy.

I can think of two options. PM people individually. Get the Mods/Admin. to put up a sticky thread somewhere?

Philip

Anna, my (honourably-mentioned) sonnet "Sleeping in Tongues" is yours for the publishing. It won first prize in a competition to raise funds for an animal rescue centre in New Jersey and subsequently appeared in Now Culture, so a nod of acknowledgement in that direction would be my only "ask". Thanks for your initiative!

Hi Anna.

Copyright to On Tom Roberts' "Bailed Up" is mine, so please go for it, and kudos for the initiative.

Thanks.

Peter

Anna,

As soon as the bake-off was over I deleted all the submissions from my computer.

Therefore, the 13 finalists are still up at the Sphere, but the 13 honorable mentions will have to contact you with their poems.

Cathy

Anna,

Perhaps you should start a new thread on "Submissions". Just a thought.

Cathy