Anagram--odies
 

Anagram--odies

Several years back we did a thread of parodies of some famous writers, one another, ourselves, where the title was the author’s name in an anagram. It was a lot of fun. I thought it might be fun to do it again. Anyone interested in some gentle spoofing?

Here’s an example from a Francis Heaney book:

AN E-MAIL
A. A. MILNE

Whatever I do, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
“Let’s write an e-mail,” I say to Pooh.
“That sounds like a wonderful thing to do,”
He says. I say, “I think so too.”
“Let’s write it together,” says Pooh, says he.
“Let’s write it together,” says Pooh.

Donna - it's a great idea and I'm up for it. I was so determined to reply in kind - but so far I haven't had a minute to make one. I'll be back, I hope.

Fun! Shall give it a go.

Rudyard Kipling
 

RUDYARD KIPLING
Ling kip Durd Yar

Ling walked into a China tent
To order up some chow,
But all he saw was gruel and stew
Not fit to feed a sow.

He said it clear, he said it true,
“This place is just a dump-“
Ling kip ('Ling kip Durd Yar' to you)
cried, "pork belly is rump!”

He had a pair of chop-sticks poised,
For pickled cabbage leaf,
But all they had to serve that day
Was bloody British beef.

wan hued
 

W H Auden

His skin was quite fair,
Like his eyes like his hair -
As pale as a woolly merino.
So would it be rude
To call him wan-hued,
Or even perhaps an albino?

Basil, funny, put the title on top. Wan Hued, ha!

Susan, good one, had a good laugh over it!

Roger, where are you? This one's for you.

Gloater's...Er?

Mine can go higher and faster than yours,
and longer and better, you’ll see.
Yours will play catch up, while mine loops and soars
Translation; the winner is me!
You kids should take a step back, you know why?
Mine’s a lightning bolt, you could get hit!
On-your-mark-ready-set, GO! Where’s my fly?
Oh, she’s still in the box eating shit.



(after My Champion Bee)

Here's another Spherian poet

Martin Elster
Startle in REM

I wake up with a start, a stifled scream.
I sit up in my bed and look around,
assured myself that it was just a dream.
A crazy dream about my basset hound,
the lead dog in a scary sci-fi flick
about a world of evil, talking mutts;
all humans did was beg to fetch a stick,
or roll in shit, or sleep, or lick their butts.

I see Ol’ Rover lying on the floor
alert, despite his droopy eyes and ears.
He yawns, and then he says, “Good God, you snore!”
I think I better cut back on the beers.

Ezra Pound
 

EZRA POUND
Pez, around

The gilded phaloi of the Pez dispensers
are thrusting at the spring air.
Here is there naught of long odds
But an abundance of corn syrup,
A procession of Palm Oils, O Adipic Acid,
Fit for your flavor additives to dwell in.
Ezra, your thumb is upon us.

The Grape is upon the Cherry.
The children about us are hungry.

Susan, keep them coming, that was great!

Donna,

"Startle in REM" is a poem I wish I had written. I love it! The talking dog in the penult line is great.

Martin

Glad you liked it Martin, hope you'll join in!

Ann, are you working on one? It would be great if you joined in.

As you can tell, I've got way too much time on my hands lately, here's another Spherian.

Can Itch or Meal

I have a hard time choosing—broads or food?
Prosciutto nestled under two poached eggs
with hollandaise on buttered English muffins,
or perky tits and ass, and shapely legs?

I bet the best would be a combination;
a nibble on a nipple dipped in brie,
a glass of wine—no wait—change that to sake,
and sushi-serving geisha by the sea.


Michael Cantor

Can Arrow?

From the burning nortons of the dry salvages
He slips in sidey-ways to grace my pages.
He’s tickled my fancy and he’s pleasured me
Since God replaced his pretty little butter-brain with Brie
And spread it on a cracker with swipe, swipe, flourish
To feed my sense of humour with a nibble and a nourish
Till it slips from my fingers like a hot hash brown
And collapses on the carpet with its cheese-side down
And Butter-Fingers giggles like a trickle down a drain
“Ho-ho – I told you so” again and again.
Birthday poem for a friend – better than a cake –
N-n-n-n-nineteen? – do a double-take.
Inviting acquaintances to cocktails at Lalage’s
To feast on their foibles and enjoy their allergies?
He’s a shit-hot critic and he shoots from the hip
"And he “Walters” his zinnias with a drip drop drip"

Orwn you been spoofed!

Ann that was hysterical, loved the nnnn-nineteen and cheese side up, the subtle love note throughout. Orwn will love it.

Keep them coming.

Donna

HILDA DOOLITTLE
H.D. O'Little O'Laid

"Little-laid?"
Marianne, more so.
D’oh!

Susan, that was really clever! Marianne Moore so, ha! Good one.

Here's another Spherian.

Cynical Ad sans-Love

If you want to kiss, hold hands or hug
get lost, I’m only in it for a hump.
Let’s ride, I’ll close my eyes in case you’re ugh.
Don’t worry if you’re not a Donald Trump,

as long as you’re not violent or diseased—
a dormant case of herpes is okay.
Married or engaged? You will be pleased
to know I won’t wreck home or wedding day.

Send photos of your penis--not your face.
You measure up, I’ll email time and place.


Cally-Conan Davies
I cheated and used an extra s in the anagram

You awful awful AWEFUL woman! You are now officially OFF my kissing-wish-list!

Right - gloves on, DONNA ENGLISH!! I'm coming after YOU!!!!!

(:D)

Cally

p.s. xxx

Ann, I do love it and it is hilarious. Thank you. I am printing it out and saving it and you can't get any better than the first and last lines. Meanwhile, all I've been able to make of your name is "A Dandy Learns" with the first line "Bosie at the Bauhaus..."

Orwn - I'm so relieved! I'm delighted you have taken it in the spirit in which it was truly intended. I wasn't so much spoofing you as outing myself!

But although I can claim that first line, the last one is all your own. Remember this? (post #11)

http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?p=190583

I am sorry to have taken nearly nine months to fulfil your request! Please (one day) finish what Bosie has begun - this dandy has much to learn.

Cally I was expecting Lone Hand Sign and No-End Lashing, or maybe some Leash Donning and Nose Handling.

A kick in the shin, I'll love that!

Thanks!
Donna

With continuing apologies to H.D....

HILDA DOOLITTLE #2
Ah, O little Dildo

I count most men ignoble by your height,
neither too tall,
for some taste
none too slight,
but sensing underneath the garment seam
ripple and flash and gleam
of indrawn muscle
and of those more taut,
I feel that I must turn and tear and rip
the fine cloth
from the moulded thigh and hip,
force you to grab my soul’s sincerity,
and single out
me,
me, something to challenge,
handle differently.

(from “Red Roses for Bronze”)

Susan that title made me almost choke on my coffee! You are channeling HD
in HD. I think a modern day her would be laughing and choking on her coffee too.

Fun!
Donna

Her name is an anagram waiting to happen. Yours, too, and every one of them violent. Put the lashing and leash-donning and nose-handling together into one self-spoof!

Susan how about this

Honed in Slang (Donna English)

Raised to trick, her mom a ho,
she itched to have some scratch
to buy her way out of her life
as bargain-basement snatch.

One day she cracked and iced her pimp,
she stole his wad and fled.
Now MFA'd she doesn't hook,
she’s Ho Po’ ing instead.

I was expecting the leash and the lash, but this is just as good. Got Cally's revenge for her!

I had one on Hardy, somehow thinking I could get "hot" and "mass" out of his name before I realized there is only one "s"--so improbably, he wound up in a church, and now he's stuck there.

Oh, I remember, which is why I liked it so. I've now read your poem on this thread too many times to not be considered a narcissist; it really is wonderful.

Donna,

This is such a fun thread! To be immortalised this way (even in a sarcastic kind of fashion, and by such an accomplished bunch) must be the ultimate compliment anyone could be paid :D

I've got to have a go.

Look out, you may be next Jayne Osborn. So many vowels-- ooo, yay, goody! ;)


I really hope you'll join in.

Donna

Baron Enjoys

Me in black boots with the keys,
a slap on his back, the thigh squeeze.
In rubber or leather,
depending on weather,
we Harley down roads through the breeze.

Donna, what have you started?! Here I go with my own name (I always wind up with 2 kinds of salsa) :

E Salsa Duo ‘n USA

The name is from Spain, its origins Spanish,
but now it sounds Tex-Mexican-ish.
It’s old world gone new
and sauces for two,
for the Moors and the Jews who were banished.

and one more:

Ode Salsae

O jar of pickled peppers
plucked from a vine,
You make an enchilada
or taco divine.

O rhythmic dance, O maracas!
(for the belly it’s no good,
to do a dance for lovers
after spicy food).

Susan, that was hot, Ha!

I was considering these other possibilities: Sad Sane Soul, Laud Ones Ass, Used as Loans, And Also Uses, A Sensual Sod, Less Anus Ado.

Here's another Spherian

Quincy Lehr

Churly- E-I.Q.

Emotional I.Q.? What shit! I know
a bunch of pussies made it up. Go blow
yourselves, you pansy boys eschew
my kind of smarts—I’m loaded with fuh-Q!

Donna,

What a naughty girl you are! ;) Thanks for 'doing' me - I'm flattered.

Here's one I did from my name:
Enjoys No Bra

She wears tight tops with low-cut necks
(not anything that fits!)
and all she thinks about is sex
and showing off her tits.
But when she has a day off work
she loves to leave 'em loose,
and greets the postman with a smirk
which makes the chap vamoose.

Jayne, that one was hysterical.

Here's one for you and one for Susan

Joy’s Neon Bra

The neon bra that held them up
was custom made; a zzzzzz sized cup
She took it off, and went to bed;
a big mistake, `cause now she’s dead.
She died beneath behemoth breasts
that pinned her arms, the medic guessed.


A Sensual Sod

She likes to get drunk in the meadow
and listen to butterflies flap.
She likes to get stoned in the forest
and sniff out the places bears crap.
She likes to eat mushrooms they’re tasty;
the trips that she takes are intense,
she can see germs and touch rainbows
and read her own mind, her sixth sense.

Haha! Tears of laughter, that bra! ....

as for the Sensual Sod, be afraid, very afraid...

Maybe all this talk about bras might attract some of the fellas to this entertaining thread! (Or did we 'boob'? ;))

I have another one:
YEARNS JOB? NO!

Who wants to work each day? Not ME.
I'm done with all that shit.
I stay at home quite happily
and do a little bit
of housework, here, and gardening, there,
and lunching with my friends.
I live my life without a care
and will do, till it ends!
My CV's still on my PC
but Ha! I've pressed 'Delete'.
Employment? No thanks. Not for me.
Retirement's such a treat.

a suggestion
 

Were you to reverse 'Not for me ' & 'No thanks' in the penultimate line you would maintain the full-rhyme scheme.

I'll get my coat.

bazza

Thanks, Bazza.

Duh! That was a copying-it-out-and-not-concentrating thing :o