Speccie Occasional
 

Interestingly, King Lear supplied a model for two of today's winners, one being the redoubtable Bill Greenwell. I won (with prose much to my surprise and delight) with A A Milne and there was The Wind in the Willows also represented - ah the reading matterof today's pensioners when they were children!

Wendy Cope wrote something that would do here - in her first book I think.

NO. 2722: occasional verse
You are invited to supply an all-purpose poem for state occasions (16 lines max). Please email entries, if possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 9 November.

Congrats, John. I knew you could be prosaic if you tried.

Why are the words "BANNED POST" surrounding the email address (at least for me)? Likes so: toBANNED POSTlucy@spectator.co.ukBANNED POST

I don't know. They were over the whole thing till I took them out. I'll take this one out too. Thanks for the congrats.

Good work, John!

Thank you, Lance. Now here's my Occasional.


Occasional

State occasions are truly enticing
To ordinary birds and their blokes.
We rejoice at a birth or a splicing,
We are sad when a VIP croaks.

We worship the sight and the sound
Of the nobs in their coaches and carriages
Who are most of the time to be found
At Fortnum & Mason or Claridges.

At the end of the day we 'll be pissed,
Which will make the occasion Right Royal,
And a Union Jack in each fist
Just shows we are frightfully loyal.

And frightfully loyal we are,
We were and we ever shall be.
The monarchy wins the cigar
'Cos a monarch is our cup of tea.

Whatever the weather, at all State events
we wait in our thousands, excitement intense,
for the chance of a glimpse of a well-practised smile
affixed to its owner for mile after mile,
for the clatter of horses, the thrill of the band
and the minimal wave from a royal white-gloved hand.
No matter we’re stuck at the back of the crowd
and can see very little we’re all of us proud
of the stage-managed grandeur and bling by the ton --
Ruritanian pomp in its fast-setting sun,
a relic of times when our monarchs were head
of a globe mainly coloured a comforting red
where folk of all creeds and all colours would sing
God Save who we’d told them would now be their King.

Congratulations on Milne, much enjoyed.

No matter one’s political persuasion,
There is a simple question one should ask:
What can a poem bring to this occasion?
For here, the poet has a sacred task—
No less, than when you lay you down to bed,
At last, long hours hence, to get some rest,
Momentous words still ringing in your head,
With bleary eye and swollen breast,
From luminaries who’ve expended breath
Recounting our great wisdom and our strength,
With pride and better nature done to death
As speakers perorated on at length
In public celebration or in grief—
That you not blame the poet, who was brief.

Frank

Hmm, trying to interpet the rubric 'all-purpose'.

The months advancing, it is time
To mark with pomp and solemn rhyme
A certain quite momentous date
Records the Calendar of State.

Soon, gathered in an ancient church,
The great no scandal may besmirch
Who right our wrongs, or guard our limbs,
Will hear wise words and stirring hymns,

Outside once more, they will process
In every type of formal dress
Between the crowds who line the way
Such leading figures take today.

In sun, or wind, or fog, or rain,
Our national pride will shine again,
Until, this grand occasion done,
We celebrate another one.

Yanks are at a disadvantage here! With apologies to British sensibilities (sort of):

The Argument:

None do a state occasion better than the Brits,
pomp, aplomb, and circumstance: a royal regnant sits.
Just one thing is missing when they break into song--
God save the Queen, but she cannot sing along.
In tiara, specs, and pearls, she simply glumly stares,
while all sing to save her; it seems she’s unawares.
So your cousins across the pond came up with something new,
a ditty strong and rousing, and inclusive of her, too.
At the next state occasion, all should simply sing:
God save the people! From dales, hills and towns,
And God, please, especially save all ladies wearing crowns.
The beauty of this all-rounder is that Lizzy can join in.

Susan,

In tiara, specs, and pearls, she simply glumly stares,

is exactly how it always is! Haha. Very clever indeed and funny :D

I think you need God save the Queen not 'saves' in L4.

There's certainly no need to apologise to my sensibilities! Though I think it may not be quite what they mean by an "all purpose" poem, it's extremely enjoyable, especially the penultimate line, which is brilliant :)

Thanks, Jayne! The italicized lines 10-11 are supposed to be the new all-purpose state occasion lyric. Is God Save the Queen always sung or is it sometimes just quoted, in part, as recitation?

(I once posed the question, "why doesn't the Queen sing along with God Save the Queen?" to friends who were American, English or Commonwealth. The answers were fascinating!)

I think you've hit on an amazing subject for speculation there, Susan. I doubt if a single Brit has ever even considered why Her Majesty doesn't join in when the national anthem is sung!

(It's not sung very often these days, actually, but more often just played instrumentally.)

That's because no Brit would ever dream of singing "God save my gracious Me" or even "God save Our gracious One" in the sort of circumstances in which the anthem is sung. It is totally out of keeping with our national image. I would not do it and nor, I am glad to say, would Her Majesty. Heavens forfend!

Yes, when you put it like that, Ann, it's clear that she can't really sing along, can she? But Susan's

In tiara, specs, and pearls, she simply glumly stares,

had me in stitches. The tiara and specs, for starters, just look wrong together. She appears so secretarial whenever she's reading something, and that makes the tiara look OTT.

And Her Maj could at least smile while the anthem's being sung!

Ann, I had this discussion with a few friends. It looks so unpatriotic when she is just sitting there. I asked if "the Queen" is not a concept bigger than she--she being just a temporary representative, and therefore also able to sing in the institution's honor? But no it is really about her, for her individually, and so of course she cannot join in. But it still looks funny.

Jerome said:

I've struggled with this, and come up with two, but I'm not sure - your opinions would be welcome. Thanks.

Today, this important event will be seen
by the world. Every newspaper, each TV screen
will declare it, and millions will look on with awe,
just like all state occasions they’ve witnessed before,
as pomp is a word meaning “splendid display
at a function/event” - such as this one today!
The ceremony will be so dignified
and engender a feeling of national pride.
Coronations and funerals, weddings, - they’re all
guaranteed to attract a huge crowd and enthral
in a way that no other occasion can do,
for the people involved are all royalty. Who,
more than they, will inspire every nation to look?
This day has been made for the history book.
Make a note of the date and in future you’ll tell
all your grandchildren, “Yes, I remember it well!”

2nd attempt:

I’m now the Poet Laureate so I suppose I’m meant
to conjure up a poem for this notable event.

I’ll write a non-specific rhyme and that will always do
for any state occasion, never mind the ‘what’ or ‘who’.

Go, people, get your bunting out (except if someone’s died).
Let’s give the world a huge display of British National Pride.

It will say ‘Made in China’ on commemorative stuff
but as it won’t be used for long, who’s bothered if it’s duff?

Wow! This is easy-peasy; now I’ve earned my sherry barrel.
The nation does expect. Let’s hope they say, “Fantastic, Carol.”

The ‘job’ demands I write auspicious poetry or verse
for all these pomp and circumstance affairs. It could be worse –

At least I haven’t needed to incorporate a name;
this general purpose poem fits the whole Firm just the same.

Their perks may be unmerited,
but let no voice abuse them.
Our royals were inherited
(at least we did not choose them).

So raise a cheer and read a verse
to honor old traditions.
Remember that it could be worse:
they could be politicians.

Jayne, much prefer the spritely second piece and the Carol-barrel.

'It will say 'Made in China', the commemorative stuff' seems to work, though I'm not sure why (promoted 'the'?) but 'To celebrate these State occasions, but it could be worse' seems slightly broken-backed to my ear.

Good luck.

Thanks, Jerome. John has also told me he prefers the 2nd attempt. I value both of your opinions.

Should I have a cpaital 's' for 'state occasions', as you've written it? And what does 'broken-backed' mean, in this context? (Any suggestions for fixing that spine? ;))

I also want to weigh in for the second of the two, especially the last stanzas.
Easy-peasy and the play on Duffy are fun! Perhaps fix the line with ""in celebration of" instead of "to celebrate" if you can make it work metrically. Good luck with it.

Ah, I see what Jerome means by 'broken-backed' now!

Thanks very much, Susan. I'll try to think of something while I'm out shopping (in the rain :().

Whew, that' s a relief, Jayne, in accord with the DR J. of D & A, not to mention the voice of the Netherlands.

COD says (also State) (attrib.) 'of, for, or concerned with the Stateand gives the example State documents, but also has 'reserved for or done on occasions of ceremony' (state apartments; state visit) and 'involving ceremony' (state opening of Parliament).

So probably should be state.

You've got state occasion and then later on state occasions. Maybe something like 'grand occurrence' instead of the first state occasion, or something apter?

I think I'm more of a spin-doctor than a spine-doctor.

.

Jayne,
I concur with the others that the second version is much funnier.

Susan

My sources in heaven aver
That Britain's where angels prefer,
When they are allowed
To climb down from their cloud,
To spread out their wings, as it were.

As monarchies go, Britain's best,
Because it's all done now in jest.
They don't get to rule,
But their outfits are cool,
And we're proud they're expensively dressed.

And so, on this marvelous day,
Let us celebrate, each in his way,
As we ponder the task
That's before us, and bask
In the sight of our royals at play.