New Statesman -- literary politics -- September 27 deadline
 

No 4245
Set by Adair R Fyn
Paul Ryan, the Republican vice presidential candidate, cites the novelist Ayn Rand as a political influence. We want political manifestos inspired by other literary figures. Dickens, for instance, might inspire one promising: “Every boy must have more, the increased resourcing to be financed by unexpected fortunes from anonymous benefactors.”
Max 150 words by 27 September comp@newstatesman.co.uk

How about a politician inspired by Philip Larkin who promised you less of everything, bad sex and increasing misery? There's a poem there.

My credo is from Proust: "Go to sleep early, love your mother, and cherish your memories."

Oh, Gawd, yet another 'political manifesto' competition. I wish they'd give 'em a rest.

You see! I'd vote for this guy.

The Larkin Manifesto

Elect me! I am Unsuccess.
Elect me! I will give you less.
The misery of Adam's curse
Will be immeasurably worse.

You would be foolish to suppose
That any measure I propose
To ameliorate your children's lot
Will come to pass, for it will not.

Our country's future is confusion.
All hopes of growth are an illusion.
Take courage! Drain the bitter cup.
I promise taxes will go up.

Elect me! I will bring you grief:
The withered rose, the shrivelled leaf,
The Torch of Freedom burnt to ash
And Britain sold for foreign cash.

John,

Please publish this somewhere. I love it! Could he be the last (or first?) honest politician? A pleasure reading.

Siham

Thank you, Shiram. Well of course I seek to win the wicked Leftists' gold here, but I think I might try elsewhere should that plan come, Larkinlike, to non-fruition.

Larkin's wonderful poem 'Going, Going' is worth checking out; it is almost a political manifesto in itself.

Oh, I'm a fan of the Larkin Manifesto!

Pedro.

Nominally literary: Woody Allen.


Out of the Great Nothing the kids get a third.
No, on second thought, we need more absurd--
I'll give the kids a third of nothing.
No, Kafka says: turn them into bugs,
chase them under the rugs,

then give them a third of nothing.
No, it's still not right. Beckett would say
(from a trashcan) "Kids want money?"
When Godot comes they'll GIVE money away.
(So the kids get a pathetic quasi-religious play?)

Not the kids of America!
Camus says give them a great stone.
Let'em push it up a hill, alone.
Let 'em suffer, a lamb to slaughter,
make them perpetually atone.

Isn't there a gi-mongous income tax
we can rob. That would make the kids happy.
Well, life for kids is always crappy.
Does anybody have a xanax?

Rabbit proposed that every inhabitant of the Hundred Acre Wood should receive an equal share of its riches. He explained his idea: “Everyone will get one spoonful of honey” - Pooh whispered to Piglet, “One spoonful? That’s not even a smackerel!” - “One thistle, and so on.” “Hah!” said Eeyore. “One thistle? I can’t live on that! Of course”, he said, looking pointedly at Pooh, “it’s all very well for some. They don’t even eat thistles, and they have jars and jars of honey stored away. But I don’t suppose anyone will notice when I die of starvation.” “Oh, Eeyore, of course they will!” cried Christopher Robin. “Or rather, what I meant was -” “Ahem!” coughed Owl. “I believe I have the solution.” Borrowing a pencil and a piece of paper from Christopher Robin, he laboriously wrote down his thought, and held it up for everyone to see:

“TO ECH AKAUDING TO HIS NEDES”.

I have just been reading a book by Geoffrey Willans that has deeply impressed me with its hidden wisdom and its simple yet uncompromising language which I believe will strike an echo with our traditional voters. Based on my reading, here is the outline manifesto that I am here to propose:

1. Down with Torrees
2. Cameron want to be pry minster agane but he uterly wet and a weed
3. Clegg uterly wet and a weed, he also want to be pry minster but he hav no chance, chiz!
4. Grene parties all skip like girlies saing “hello trees hello sky hello planet”
5. Laber is best party to guvven the country as any fule kno
6. When I becum pry minster I giv jobs to all loil suporters
7. Eksept my bro Miliband Senior who hav no chance and is uterly wet and a weed, enuff said

But John, apart from the bad sex, wasn't that what Mrs Thatcher already gave us?

I had a whale of a time in the 1980s - two daughters and three books of poetry. Things were never better. All hail Atilla the Hen. or is it Attila?