The Oldie Competition: Dialogue between Hamlet and Piglet by 23rd August
 

I haven't read Hamlet or A A Milne for several decades, so will have to refresh my memory before I attempt this one. The more erudite among you won't need to do that, of course! :rolleyes:

Jayne


COMPETITION NO 167
by Tessa Castro

After a spree at prose in No 166, it’s back to dear verse. My friend Oliver Bernard, who died some weeks ago, compared himself in The Oldie to Hamlet – and to Piglet from the Pooh books. So a verse dialogue between Hamlet and Piglet, please. Maximum 16 lines.

Entries to ‘Competition No 167’ by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG), email (comps@theoldie.co.uk) or fax (020 7436 8804) by 23rd August 2013. Don’t forget to include your postal address.

I've read this through a couple of times now. It really does say that, doesn't it? Jesus wept.

It really does say that, Rob. Even though it's late and I'm knackered, I copied it correctly.

Not your cup of tea? Any topic in verse is better than a prose comp, though, isn't it?

Jayne

Of course it's Piglit really, if you're Piglet. Ghosts and Heffalumps spring to mind. A Heffalump on the battlements.

Pity it's not Macbeth.

PIGLET: Is this a haycorn that I see before me?

Isn't Ham-let Piglet's mum?

Piglet:xxxIs this a pikestaff that I see before me?
Hamlet:xxNo, little friend, ‘tis but a bare bodkin -
Piglet:xxxI know a bear who’d like to borrow it
xxxxxxxxxTo help him hoik the honey from the hives.
Hamlet:xxO, honey! ‘Tis a dainty-sweet confection
xxxxxxxxxDevoutly to be wished, like fair Ophe---
Piglet:xxxWith this, he wouldn’t need to get so close;
xxxxxxxxxHe’d poke it in while staying out of reach.
Hamlet:xxNo reason for the bear to grunt and sweat
xxxxxxxxxWhen probing for the undiscover’d pantry.
Piglet:xxxHe’s used balloons to float him to the spot
xxxxxxxxxWhere honey’s to be had, but ends up stung.
Hamlet:xThe stings and arrows of outragèd bees -
Piglet:xxxHe’s tried disguises, but they never work;
xxxxxxxxxA bee, or not a bee; that is the question,
xxxxxxxxxAnd somehow they can always tell he’s not.

Very clever, Brian; I love "stings and arrows" and "A bee or not a bee". :D

Jayne

Brian,
This ought to finish in the money.

On the Battlements

Is this a ghost goes bumpy-bump?
No, no, a horrid heffalump.
It is a ghost. It see it frown.
It's heffalumping up and down.
I must go on. I have no choice.
It's got a heffalumpy voice.
I know that voice and it's my pappy.
We'll catch it in a heffatrappy.
He speaks unto my very soul.
A heffattrappy sort of hole.
He tells me I must kill the king.
A hole-y, pitt-y sort of thing.
Alas, I fear that I will rue it.
Elevenses with Pooh would do it.
A bloody business, raw and rough.
Haycorns and hunny! That's the stuff.

Who knew it was Bacon all along?

Eckselent stuf, Brian and John!

thank you, greyem, but wil it hav the mrs joyful prise for rafia-work?

Yup, that deserved to be said, Orwn!

Wasn't there a third brother, too- Hamlet, Piglet and Omelet?

And in A Midsummer Night's Dream, there's a second cousin called Snout.

Think you have the money, Brian. Again.

Ha! this vision gets me in a lather.
Would I not have seen it! I would rather
not confront the question that bamboozles –
what dark fiend slew my loving father?
Two to one, heffalumps and woozles.

Look now, there lies the pale Ophelia,
who never gave her love too freely – a
maid who, Pig, was known by her refusals,
her steely eye now rendered steelier.
Drowned, alas, by heffalumps and woozles.

Alas poor Yorick. I knew him Piglet
when he was as tiny as a figlet
and now his skull grins at our perusals.
Who rendered it brittle as a twiglet?
Could it have been heffalumps and woozles?