Piscine Preference
 

Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon are SNP First and Deputy First Minister of Scotland respectively. Where is the half-Scottish Thomas Hood when you need him?

So, land of independence wheezes
Which boasts a sheep-gut dish,
Politically, you spurn Big Cheeses
And go for two Big Fish?

Whoops! Just limbering up for the inevitable referendum competition come September.

This Scottish independence thing must founder -
The ship of state has no convincing skipper,
For Alex Salmond is a scaly bounder,
And Sturgeon doesn't have a single flipper.
The “referendum” cod is sure to flounder;
The whole thing is as fishy as a kipper.

And a cross white on blue
Deserves only a boo.
If they'd made it a tricolour
We could rhyme it with Nicola.

Alex Salmond
Needs his head examined.
What would independence actually mean
If Scots kept Sterling, the Beeb and the Queen?

Rob, I believe you may mean Sterling... unless you know something I don't know about the largest city in central Scotland! (I haven't yet heard any doubt cast on the idea that it would, indeed, remain part of Scotland post-putative-independence).:)

Four blue wedges harmonised on white
Are four times noble worth, virtuous quite.
And if one's seeking rhyming for the Saltire
There is reasoned hope, scope indeed to aspire!

Of course I do. Thanks.

Scotland, famous for midges
Plus a pair of Forth bridges
And the 'silveryTay'
(Near the Fife of G.K.?)
Whisky, salmon and heather
In a wealth of wet weather,
Athol brose, cock-a-leekie.
(Also known as ' Auld Reekie '?)
Now to midges add Nats
Who are patently . . . Drat! Stuck for a rhyme again!

Rats? Twats? Prats? No, you have me.

As well as the neighbouring Forth Rail Bridge and Forth Road Bridge (supplanting the former ferry service between North Queensferry and South Queensferry), there is the Kincardine Bridge much further upriver; and another bridge is presently under construction in between the latter two (on t'upriver side o' the road bridge frae the rail bridge).
But I suppose the first two are the famous ones, to date.

Thanks for the update, Graham. I crossed the cantilevered paint-consumer at the age of 13 but have never seen the two others or the upcoming fourth over the Forth.

'Flying mammals of the order Chiroptera erhaps, John?

You are welcome, Jerome!
The visitor centre on the south side had some lovely models of the new bridge in various scales - of the whole environs (both shores and other bridges), of the proposed bridge itself (with very miniature vehicles), and one with a cut-away new tower showing internal elevator and stairway, complete with tiny human figure. I was privileged to attend a talk on this construction project, in the company of my father and his social peer group of retired engineers.
The last I heard, the project was both ahead of schedule and coming in under budget.

Jerome, are you needing a pee? (Please excuse the vernacular!)
"Erhaps" though may be your intent; if so, I find it a pleasant coining: presumably, that which e'er happens? - compared to 'perhaps': that which perchance happens.

Alas, more likely an irritating quirk of an oriental electronic rodent or an occidental arthritic knuckle.

Hope it won't be one of those bridges too far or far too expensive.

I think the whole expense was needless;
'Cables rusting by the minute'?
Road-bridge rumour scotched, but heedless
MPs feared 'twould drop them in it;
'What if North from South is sundered?
Lothian cut off from Fife?
Do nought? Then they'll say we blundered!
Where will commerce go, and life?
Plus there's the prestige that comes,
Commanding such a massive project!'
(Spending huge extorted sums,
Regardless of who may object.)
Still, though not their fiscal duty
And at cost some could regret,
It may turn out a thing of beauty -
And we'll grow to love it yet!

May the Sturgeon cease to burgeon
may the Salmond no more spawn.
Cast them off and cheer their sinking,
independent and forlorn.

But let their team play on at Rugger
thus giving proper teams a chance
of winning the Six Nations contest --
just as long as it's not France!

Lively one, Graham. So that's where Fife is, more or less?

Careful, Martin, you'll have them howling down over the border like blue-arsed Mel Gibsons if you go on like this. Possibly accompanied by some of their old allies the French, I see from your second stanza.

I must say, despite my doubts about whether a Salmond-led split-up
is either beneficial or practicable, I have a soft spot for him as a Caledonian cheeky chappie getting up the nose of our PR PM, the Chancer of Chipping Norton, not to mention those of his obnoxious cronies.