Speccie Proverbial by 28 may
 

No. 2850: proverbial

We have had this before many times. But why not. An owl in a sack troubles no man. That's from the Staggers long ago. Good, isn't it? The Bob Scott one comes from the same competition long ago so don't try recycling them. As if you would!

You are invited to invent proverbs that sound profound but have no meaning. To give you inspiration, here is one I came across by Bob Scott: ‘The man on the Clapham omnibus will never get to Highgate’. You can submit up to ten each. Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 28 May.

We can all play this pretty well indefinitely. Two of these are not mine, I have to admit

It's a wise child that knows its own elbow

A cat may look at another cat

A miss is as good as a missus

A problem shared is a problem everybody knows about

All roads lead to roundabouts

Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all

Nature abhors a vacuum cleaner

Never speak ill of a dead horse

He will if he hops off at Clapham Common and gets the tube. If he catches a Barnet train, he won't have to change.

A fool and his money butter no parsnips

Beware the ides of starch

A fly in the ointment gathers no moss.

Act in haste, repent in North Dakota

March comes in like a proctologist, and goes out like a lamb

April showers bring cauliflowers

Verily, it is easier to pass a turd through the eye of a needle than to pick it up by its clean end.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the Zamboni

It is a wise child that knows his mother’s postman

There’s a chukker born every 7 ½ minutes

The early bird gets the positive pregnancy test

You cantaloupe and eat it too

You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd (by the late Roger Miller)

An egg when scratched
will soon be hatched.

A rainstorm will come
if you wiggle your thumb.

The blindest bat
sees more than a cat.

A barking dog
can squeal like a hog.

No building can house
a cat that meows

The movement of trees
is what causes the breeze.

No bird is allowed
to fly through a cloud.

When dolphins pee
they sully the sea.

Don't startle a bull
whose bladder is full.

When the sun sets
the light forgets.

A competition setter in a sack troubles no man with repeated proverb competitions.

*Live life as if every day were Wednesday.
*The nose can hear what the foot is deaf to.
*If not now, who?
*Two peas in a podcast.
*Gather ye rosebuds while the cows come home.
*Do unto others as the crow flies.
*The way to a man's heart is paved with good intentions.
*Early to bread, early to pies.

I like Roger's 'Wednesday' one particularly.

Henceforth I shall live my life according to his teachings.

Joel Chandler Harris produced a bunch of "plantation proverbs" of which my favorite - which I've waited all my life for a chance to say - was
"Cat mighty dignified till the dog come by."

A cat in the milk can be expected.
The clergy have no cure for gout.
Wise men vote, fools are elected.
A cat in the milk will find no trout.

A cat in the milk does not churn butter.
Pennies and dogs are saved in vain.
Ghost may gibber but gremlins mutter.
A cat in the milk is a sign of rain.

You can tell a Moncreiffe by the cut of his ilk.
A lawyer looks for a cat in the milk.

Gail, that is a beautiful poem. Perhaps it is too good.But give Lucy the chance to be discriminating.

Gail,

This reminds me of Thoreau's observation that finding a trout in the milk is a example of when circumstantial evidence can be trusted.

The fish that needs a bicycle is sought by all men.

To err is human, to moo is bovine.

It is better to burn a bridge than to swallow a lawnmower.

If you want to make God laugh, make a farting sound with your armpit.

Never trust a man who wears cufflinks with short sleeves.

Keep your friends close, but your wallet closer.

Brain surgery isn't rocket science.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is the designated driver.

In the land of the blind, light bulbs are a hard sell.

God alone grieves for the eaten pork pie.

Multiplication tables are occasional, algebraic hat-stands eternal.

It’s never Ash Wednesday for pancakes.

It’s a rare Dalek shops for shoes.

Only Swindon is exactly what it looks like.

Life is wanting a shovel and getting a bishopric.

Only the spoon tastes the stir it brings to the teacup.

Three Wednesday’s and you’ve forgotten what happened three Wednesday’s ago.

Pity the man who is only and entirely a cardiologist.

I truly love the pork pie. If Lucy doesn't pick it I'll eat my... pork pie.

Beware of vestal virgins who sometime vend their virtue,
Since satiated urgin’s have tendencies to hurt you.

Put not your thrust in princes; my son, don’t stem the rose;
Don’t wet your wick with rinses whose scents offend the nose.

The lusty farmer’s daughter can give you dread disease;
A virus that can slaughter, or paralyze your knees.

Avoid the comely hooker on the seamy side of town;
While she may be a looker, you’ll end up six feet down.