A Lost Limericist?
 

At the bottom of an old pewter quart tankard, among the things I've just come across is a tiny undated newspaper cutting with the following by Quintin Hogg (1907-2001) the half-American UK politician who nearly became Prime Minister in 1963 when Harold Macmillan resigned.

While rehearsing her part, that of Puck,
A Shakespearean actress got stuck
But, not having heard
Of that four-letter word,
She merely remarked, 'What bad luck!'

Qunitin Hog, who was Lor Hailsham twice, was a poet, as was Enoch Powell. President Carter wrote poetry. So did Harold Wilson's wife. And the General Secretary of the Trades Union Congress. Giants inhabited the earth in those days.

I wonder if Nigel Farage could do a limerick.

As a limerick writer Farage,
Sought escape in this strange camouflage,
When reporters asked,“Why?”
He could only reply,
“Have you met UKIP's mad entourage?”

There's a future Speccie comp in here somewhere. Lots of unexpected people write poems - Stalin and Mao both did - and why shouldn't they?

Odd that you should say that, John, as I have just received a curious communication from Mr. Farage's press office:

Hi, I’m Nige, patriotic and strong;
Vote for me, and you cannot go wrong.
(But if you are black,
We’ll be sending you back
To the place where you really belong.)

Or a past one, Adrian. Take a look at Speccie 2858, where once again, I inexplicably failed to win.

Oh ye ogf little faith!

Nigel 'Kipper' Farage is so stellar
He is really one helluva feller.
When he’s calling the shots
He will see off the Scots
With a flick of his golfing umbrella.

Nigel F's a political hoker,
A populist chancer and joker
Supported by squads
Of absurd odds and sods
And should have remained just a broker.

Who in the hell is Farage?
I've looked for 'im in my garage.
There's piles of his books and papers,
still enough to staunch my vapors,
after shatting my daily corsage.

Millibum, Cleggers and Dave,
A liar, a fool and a knave
Our Nigel’s the bloke
With a pint and a smoke
Who can show them the way to behave.

I never knew Nigel at all
But I saw him once at Whitehall
He was so proper and prim
Always the heavy and grim
Learning to speak with a drawl.

From every side they come!

Our Nigel is such a good egg,
Unlike Millibum, Cam’ron and Clegg,
He’s a marvellous bloke
For all elderly folk,
Not a nerd or a turd or a dreg.

You may think him extremist and sottish
With views that are racist and rottish,
But he’ll welcome your vote
To keep UKIP afloat -
Unless you are foreign (or Scottish).

Ah. A limerick that actually scans. A pleasant change.

Have at you!

Nigel wins again

The Paddies, the Taffs and the Scotch
Make a quite indescribable botch.
The English are best.
We beat all the rest,
And Nigel’s the fellow to watch!

Few will vote for the Ukipper's chef
Apart from the mad, blind and deaf
(Metaphorical use
Not vulgar abuse)
Which will hasten the fall of N.F.

What's N F Jerome and where is it rising?

When assessing Farage, you can watch
Him in chalk-stripe from collar to crotch,
But on listening, you’ll feel
He’s so down at the heel,
You’re best suited from some other swatch.

N.F. = Nigel Farage, John.

Nice one, the other Nigel, with 'swatch'.

Thank you, Jerome. I hadn't thought of that.

I initially read it as National Front. I wasn't far off.

Oh come, Nico. Cameron looks far more like a Nazi, fair, fat, beefy with nasty little eyes

I learned all I know from the man, NF,
where he taught me at the school for the deaf.
He was a matriculating type
who toked a calabash pipe–
I never heard of him giving NF.

The policies framed by Farage?
Smoke and mirrors and wind, by and large,
With a dash of the Goony
And M. Raving Loony.
God knows what he'd do if in charge.

[This triple limerick was my unsuccessful entry to NS #2319 'accent' (closing date 9 Apr 2014). As a reminder, the comp brief is below.]


As MEP Nigel Farage
Endures an outrageous barrage
Of brickbats and boos,
Something curious ensues,
To which this small verse pays hommage.

He receives a sharp blow on the head
Which for five days confines him to bed.
Imagine his shock!
The result of this knock
Is he wakes sounding Belgian instead.

And so, in the course of one week,
Europe hears him reverse all the cheek
That he formerly spoke
As an Englander bloke:
‘Zut alors! Comment j'adore Belgique !’


[No 4319
By Leonora Casement
In 2011, George Michael awoke from a coma, following a bout of pneumonia, suffering from foreign accent syndrome and speaking with a “vague Bristolian accent” that lasted for two days. He commented that the medical staff were “afraid I’d have it for life”. There have been reported cases of an Englishwoman who spoke with a French accent, an American with a British accent, a Yorkshireman with an Irish accent and another British man with a Russian accent. We want to know what could happen to a well-known person speaking in a very different accent.]

Graham, your Farage limericks are apt and funny.

Nigel F. and his odd troupe of trolls
Are beginning to slip in the polls.
Let us hope that this trend
Will continue, and end
With them reaching not one of their goals.