News of the day
 

I propose this thread for comments on any item of news that takes your fancy. Here's mine:

(A country music singer wanted on a drink driving charge has been shot and killed in a gunfight with a bounty hunter sent to detain him, authorities have said.)

Well, the bounty man comes steppin’ where he didn’t oughter should
So I pull my trusty weapon, but it never done no good,
‘Cos he pops me in the vitals, that ol’ bounty-huntin’ runt - he
Done ended my recitals as a drinkin’, drivin’ count---

How the French won Waterloo
 

http://www.spectator.co.uk/features/...d-on-waterloo/

Bien sûr we won the battle!
We never face defeat:
No enemy could ever match
The speed of our retreat!

No point in letting this request languish on Labor Day (US)

Epigrams for Labor Day

Some fail to see entitlements
are public workers’ investments.

You have to hand it to the Right,
which rarely rhymes with what is right.

Some suck the tits they claim to hate
while they berate the Nanny State.

Wisconsin had great higher-education
until a drop-out ruled for its extinction.

"Hillary Clinton to Show More Humor and Heart, Aides Say" NY Times, Sept 7, 2015

Sillery, chillery,
Candidate Hillary
Cranks up the warmth as her
Numbers go south;

Never a hot number,
Cool as a cucumber,
Oleomargarine
Froze in her mouth.

Froze in her mouth?

Two Records Tumble

Let Merseyside get moist and moony
Now that it's fifty goals for Rooney
While others note, with quiet euphoria,
Our Liz has outscored Queen Victoria!

J.B. pp. C.A.D

Rude crude dude screwed.

Now I just have to find a news item. Perhaps the one about Donald Trump and his new running mate. Trump is much funnier than Corbyn, but then anyone is funnier than Corbyn.

Donald Trump has a new running mate?

Didn't I read something about that Alaskan lady, or is that old news?

Shame!
 

http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/politi...oston-beating/


Illegal Shame

Shaming immigrants remains our shame,
and evidence of that is clear today.
Some think it is a patriotic game.
Last week, in Boston, they showed us how to play:
Two men, inspired by Trump, were soaring high
on booze and awed that he was polling first
for president—a snarling bright-white guy
they bet would slake their bloody red-meat thirst.
They found a homeless man, unkempt and thin,
and thought him an illegal, sleeping sauced.
His being poor while brown they saw as sin;
their beating him till black and blue its cost.
Both proved their righteous passion for Trump’s race
by pissing on a brown but legal face.

John,

You must mean Sarah Palin. She's merely a wannabee running mate for Trump, I think.

For a great satire of Ms. Palin, watch the Finnish movie "Iron Sky"

Suicide bomber 'hoist with own petard', say reports.

Perhaps he was a suicide bomber by accident, as sometimes happened in Ireland.

Douglas, that's the one. Smething I read in the Daily Telegraph. She's too nice for Trump, but then isn't anybody?

The New York Post once ran a headline "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar"

Ailin Palin
 

Sarah

Poor pretty Palin
Fecklessly failin’
Stuck to McCain
Like chronic pain.

Trumpets

Fiorina

He called her a frump
She took the lump
And soon will Trump.

The Donald

Out on the stump
An arse and rump
Speaks Disney’s Trump.

Foreign Policy

Dumber than ice is
Don’ll face ISIS
Deliver new crisis.

The Wall

Don’s erection
After election
May on inspection
Expose infection.

The news of the day is a bit of shocker:
We're minus a mod and we're left with a rocker.

(No offence, Jayne, I was just thinking about your motorbike and couldn't resist the rhyme...)

:)

Jeremy wins!
 

Now clones of Blair, the creepy Tony,
Have come a cropper, much like Boney,
Tomorrow is another day.
Well done, old grey horse, Corbyn J.!

All his opponents Jez Corbyn has thrashed
With a message of hope; thank God all hopes are dashed.
Now, comrades, old Corybyn is going to train us
To froth at the mouth and talk out of the anus.

Let's hope the man who doesn't shave
Will put the wind up bare-faced Dave
And though his wardrobe looks like Steptoe's
Will bring to book the banker-kleptos.

(God bless the bankers though, say I,
I think they're all as nice as pie
Compared with our elected lot
Who constantly call kettles "pot".)

County Fair Hoochie Coochie Show
 

County fair season is in full blast right now. Before crusading moralists spoiled things in the early 1970's, the hoochie coochie show was a staple entertainment for the gentlemen attendees ...

The Farmington Fair stripper flaunts it
In front of a public that wants it;
The lascivious slut
Does her show in a hut
Of the type that is known as a Quonset.

Oh, Yeah. Coochie for a quarter!

GOP

Duh Baits

Deflate
state
weight.
Berate

and hate
to rate
their slate
as great.

Probate
Trump’s prate:
hate sate
and restate.

Think straight
too late.

Trump's bald pate?

Hairless in Eden
 

Something like this, maybe:

Equate:

Bald pate
Trump’s fate.

Sham pate
sham weight.

Or, Lightweight for L4

Bernie's Lemmings
 

"People should not be dying in the United States of America when they are sick."

Said in a campaign speech by Presdiential hopeful Bernie Sanders

Bernie's nimble, Bernie's quick,
Bern won't let us die when sick;
Our population soon will swell
Unless he lets us die when well.
And if he won't, the human tide
Someday commits mass suicide.

Psst - Erik - "bored" rather than "board"? But anyway, a rollicking read.

Thanks
 

Thank you, Ann, and for kindly pointing out my typo, my tired eyes at the late hour of posting would probably not have noticed otherwise.
-Erik

Wasted Wattage
 

Eric, a horror story! But some of us are bored by the bumbler.

Quick Impressions

Duh Bites

Fiorina was fierce
Trump a rump
Bush a bumbler
Kasich kick-ass
Rubio retro
Christie crusty
Cruz crazed
Huckabee weary
Paul peeved
Carson canny
Pataki plucky
Walker weirder
Santorum seedy
Jindal jumpy
Graham grim
Gilmore no more

If he deserves the claim of not boring, however dubious, it is only because the indignation, concern and puzzlement he occasions prevents a total stolid boredom. I am not bored because the worst of reasons. I am less than thrilled that his circus forces my attention, whether I will or no; nor am I much pleased at his turning the presidential race into a bad episode of the Apprentice. I grant you though there will always be somebody in a crowd who's bored, however outrageous or diverting, good or ill the show before them.
-Erik

Those are apt adjectives you list, RLC. The fricative sound suits fierce Fiorina's fight; the bumbling sound of Donald Trumpy who took a precipitous fall like Humpty Dumpty... So much for nursery rhyme. Here's an article accounting the face off of these two and a ditty to accompany it: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-34275105

Fierce Fiorina first tests bumbling Trump;
She looks triumphant; others say, a frump.

-Erik

Head Lines

A ball bounced off my head when I was ten
and football helmets scrambled brains again
every fall for eight more playing years.
Some days, my words are tortured, rambling slurs,
but today I’m feeling proud as hell:
my brains are like a player’s in the NFL.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/...gt5?li=BBgzzfc

Eric,

Thanks for the comment and link.

Base-Jumping Extreme Sport Proves Deadly...
 

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/201...e-sport-deadly
I found this article about the most extreme sport practitioners in the world: Squirrel-Suit/Base-Jump Divers. The subtitle captures the drift of it: "A succession of high-profile fatal jumps has focused attention on one of the most extreme pursuits going."

This got me thinking how far removed I am from their sportive disposition, having not once even para-sailed, hang-glided, rock-climbed, or bungee-jumped. I imagined this illegal and dangerous base-jumping however must be the zenith of the active life. So I wrote about this and the opposite folly, the sedentary life gone wild.

The Extreme Sportive Man; The Extreme Shut-in (and the dangers of both)

Leaping off cliffs, these live so much
They die young falling for the rush;
Yet there are some at twice the age,
Who never flew beyond their cage.


-Erik

Erik - I know I'm an interfering old biddy so do feel free to ignore this, but I feel you're missing a trick here.

The link between the two is not so much sport itself as the desire to simulate flight - the more-than human freedom it implies, as you suggest in the last line.

However, since you've only got four lines to pursue two lines of thought, it seems a pity to complicate the last of them with a twist of syntax. What do you think about introducing the other f-word at that point: "Who never flew beyond their cage"?

Correction?
 

Fair enough Ann. Maybe this is more to the theme.


Some spurn inaction, itch to fly,
Jumping off cliffs to live, some die.
Some glacier-still, get twice the age,
Who never flew beyond their cage.

Erik,

I’m not sure who or what “twice the age” refers to. How about “some at every age” or some such? And “fly” in the last line?

Sorry about misspelling your name!