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The Oldie 'Changeable' competition by 24th June
This is a good ’un – open to all kinds of interpretation. Let’s see what you lovely imaginative people come up with.
Jayne The Oldie Competition No 204 by TESSA CASTRO I find it unhelpful when a weather summary on the radio says ‘Changeable’. But it’s quite an element of people and life in general too. So a poem by that title, please. Maximum sixteen lines. Entries by post (The Oldie, 23/31 Great Titchfield Street, London W1W 7PA) or email comps@theoldie.co.uk – (don’t forget to include your postal address) to ‘Competition No 204’ by 24th June. |
Changeable
When a guy in a dress came thumping through into the loo, I watched him in the mirror, wondering what to do. Do I pull up my knickers or drop them on the floor? Do I leave the stall wide open or close the fuckin' door? Do I stand to take a piss, or sit and make a mess, Or do I wipe my arse here from the front or rear– I'm stressing out so much I hate to make a guess. My God! This padded bra is killing me, I fear, I'm soaked in sweat and dripping like some wet nurse's teats. My make-up's two-days old, I'm out of rouge and blush, I've got a date at eight tonight, I've promised him great feats Of my prowess. These E-fags don't help at all, no rush. I've screwed myself into this trope, I'm out of here. I'm dressing down tonight, from straight to slightly queer. |
The Tabloids Criticize a Pop Diva's Weight Changes
Oh, the diva loved her food, and would get into a mood
Where she'd eat like it was going out of style. Soon this gourmandizing lady looked like James Buchanan Brady, Or Farouk who cruised his yacht upon the Nile. All the supermarket papers scorned her gastronomic capers, And condemned her gluttony as truly vile. The publicity they gave her made the buying public crave her New recordings, and she earned a giant pile. Then she started skipping dinner, and as soon as she grew thinner, All the tabloids feared that she would waste away. So, these papers spread a rumor that she had some sort of tumor Which would put her six feet under any day. This created so much pity that in every single city Of her tour, they had to turn the crowds away; Which will reinforce the glory of that timeless showbiz story That publicity of any kind will pay. |
Changeable: To Mr. Broker |
CHANGea-bleh |
Chump Change
Wal-Mart hemorrhages cash,
McDonald's had a major crash, Exxon passed it's dividend, And Google's in a downward trend. The latest hedge fund Ponzi scheme Surpasses Madoff's wildest dream. Foreclosures reached a record high, Though no one knows exactly why. The Chairman of the mighty Fed Was murdered as she slept in bed, And turmoil in the Middle East Has made the bear a raging beast. Without a paddle, up Shit Creek, Wall Street had a brutal week. Though I was lucky, truth be told; I'd shorted stocks and purchased gold. |
Changeable: Your Hot-Shot Investment Partnera |
(Inter)changeable
In rings within a henge, they rise at dawn and bow ecstatically, stretch to kiss the earth and sky, and in their holy aura spin, absorbing daily sounds to sing of bees, the birds, and evening breezes, for the One that is themselves. |
Changeable |
Changeable : Bacchus
They'd shanghaied not a prince, they proved so wrong: These pirates tried to tie the youth of long drooped curling locks, but ropes snapped off his broad frame—contrapposto, smiling, jaunty brow, and wordless. All looked baffled. From the prow, the pilot yelled: "Fools! This could be a god we've brought aboard. Beg he'll forgive us, men! Neptune, or Jove... Let not your eyes presume. Bow, hope that bowing mitigates our doom." The captain scoffed, bade all hands tie again. But, looking back, they dumped the briny cord: A Lion groaned where stood a prince before, and Bear, jaws dropping with the captain's gore. Swifter than thought, they swan-dived overboard whose bodies morphed; merged with the foamy spray, their skin turned pearly; dolphins swam away. s |
Changeables |
Not quite sure what you mean by "spheres" in this context, but it's a nice take on "change".
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Jayne, have you forgotten to post the results for 'The Ring'?
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Why, John? In a burst of keenness to know what you know, I went onto the Oldie site, discovered that Katie Mallet didn't win - and then was told I could read the rest of the page for 25p.
Intrigued, I went a little further only to be told that before I could pay I must sign up to some horrendous wossname after having read their terms and conditions. After much bumf I arrived at "The data that we collect from you may be transferred to, and stored at, a destination outside the European Economic Area (EEA). It may also be processed by staff operating outside the EEA who work for us or for one of our suppliers." By this time I had lost all desire to know and was in danger of losing the will to live. And I saved five bob. |
Where's Jayne? ... Jayne! Have you deserted us?
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Oh dear!!!!!
I'm so sorry, everyone. Either my copy of The Oldie has failed to arrive - again - or I've had another Blonde Moment/Senior Moment, call it what you will, and put it somewhere. I'll have to look around the house in the morning as it's bedtime now. If I fail to find it I'll go and buy another copy. Results by this time tomorrow, if that's OK? Thanks for the prod, and my profuse apologies once more. Jayne |
You are forgiven, Jayne. Phoebe Flood won, her first win, but not her last I trust. I hope Tessa realises that Phoebe hasn't got a bank account.
Ann, you don't have to buy the Oldie, though its a jolly good buy. That's why we exist, Jayne and Sylvia and I. |
One deep breath later... Nevermind.
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Well, it seems that I'm not losing my marbles after all (not yet, anyway).
My subscription copy of The Oldie hasn't arrived. I rang Oldie Towers and they're sending me another one. But, I explained, I need the competition results today to post on a forum. I'm going away tomorrow until Sunday. . . . So a lovely man called John sent the comp page to me in the body of an email. The pagination is all wrong, of course, as the magazine is printed in narrow columns, but I'm working on it, folks. The new thread will appear soon! Jayne |
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