The theatre of imaginary deities
 

And, with a small tinny drumroll that sounds a bit like it is underwater, here’s The Theatre of Imaginary Deities.

In it you’ll find a paper theatre populated by a selection of imaginary deities, found text, and oh-so-iffy IP. Your tour guide for this landscape is the narrator, a deer-headed personage who is also my avatar in various other places.

http://sarah-janecrowson.com/wp-cont...t-19.38.15.png

Any feedback welcome, but I have some specific questions. I’m trialling how the words (IP narration and found text) work together. So:

Does the IP work? (I haven’t included the IP in all cases, but all images have four lines of IP to go with them if need be)
…and if I should keep it, where should I put it - under the image but within the image, or in a separate box under the image?

How well does the found text work? Should that go under the image as ‘found text/cut out’ or should I type it in as text, replacing the IP? Or should I lose it completely?

Should I let myself keep the flippant ones? Or should these all be culled, dropped down a well. Or should I lose the serious ones?

Any feedback welcome, though, and if I shouldn't post questions, please let me know and I'll remove them.

Sarah-Jane

Hi Sarah-Jane,

Well, Word-Bird and I have made it to the theatre and an usher rather resembling a guinea god has kindly shown us to our front-row seats :-) :>)

I must admit, I'm struggling with my vision at present (I've been at the laptop working since early this morning), but my first impressions are very favourable indeedy.

I would love to assist with the IP, if you like, and it might be useful to post it separately on this thread.

I like the mixture of serious and flippant; it seems apt for the setting. I shall certainly return soon.

Best wishes,
Fliss

Hi Sarah-Jane,

Don’t you dare get rid of any of them! I have one suggestion: the bottom right panel is rendered in a very high key, but the arch is more middle key. You might consider unifying the keys a bit.

Nicely done! I’m very impressed.
MJ

Sarah-Jayne's gallery of art
 

Dear Sarah-Jane,

Your gallery is looking great. I feel like telling you I favor the fourth one. It not only has the depth and the floating effect (something I work on but do not yet achieve in my paintings), but I also love the colors.

Congratulations!
~mignon

Hello!

Fliss, it is delightful to have you and W-B here in the audience, and please have ice cream and a rather delicious interrobang on the house. I am really pleased that there might be legs in the mixture of serious and flippant, and writing out the IP as a separate thing is a very good idea indeed.

Like you, I am tired tonight (I fell victim to the lures of the garden hammock and staring at the moon rather than the computer) but I will have a bash at doing that tomorrow or over the weekend. And if I write it out like that I’ll see it better and can tidy it up (although I can guarantee I will still need help - thank you).

MJ - Thank you. I’m really relieved you like them. Your initial comments helped me tidy up the idea and the visuals so it’s lovely that you’ve returned, too. I agree with you about the bottom right one. It’s the least cohesive in the series too so it’ll be the first I edit. Thanks again.

mignon, thank you so much for stopping by - its lovely to know your favourite and why you like it. Yes, I worked hard to get the sense of depth in these. I was quite exaggerated in my shadow-making - I used a very broad, blurry brush at about 19% transparency to start with, then dropped to 7% transparency with a darker colour overlay. But I was melodramatic & unafraid with it, if that helps at all with your painting.

Thank you again all. I will start working on my text and editing that last image so it fits a bit more cohesively with the rest of the sequence.

Sarah-Jane

Sarah,
I like this very much. The bottom right seems the weakest to me: the colour and aesthetic seeming somehow different to the others. I wonder if there is any way to make each image a key on a scale, so the bottom right feels like the highest key at the lowest part of a ladder of receding colour keys. I hope there is sense in that. I often pause instead of commenting in a more formal workshopping environment on your visuals, since my lean and limited experience with poetry is not in that field. Talking of which, I second Fliss, in that if you do choose to post your iambs (why did the greeks ever decide to call an unstressed/stressed foot by a trochee!?) as a separate message in thread, I'll go through them and attempt to put each one to the task. I wouldn't say I'll be critical if they're all not perfect unstressed / stressed, but I think I'll try to discern which ones are creating a palpable rhythm, and which ones (if any) are confusing the beat.

Hope this helps, for now.

Thank you Cameron,

That's helpful, and echoes MJ's points, too. I rose with dawn (not quite) but did put some work in this morning before work and had a play with the image that isn't working for people- screen shot below but better quality image here.

http://sarah-janecrowson.com/wp-cont...t-09.56.02.png

I'll work on the text when I've finished for today. I like your idea about ordering. I'll have a think about how that might work. I think the text could offer some clues to that, too.

Sarah-Jane

Text below. I am very unsure about these and at the moment veering towards leaving the found text and placing that at the bottom of each image.

These unreal ancients, from their starry stage
post us ideas through risograph machines.
They sing of throstle-nests, and seas, faint echo-
chambers filled with silk and keys and dreams.

Here’s a hive of sulky wayward bees,
that feast on hot blue stars and hyacinth,
We watch them buzzing through the starry floor
To drizzle honeyed deadlines through our door.

A land as deep as stone that held a well
now holds a whale, fair Subterranea.
She sends her thoughts, of amethyst and loss,
for us to view through salt-tinged vaping clouds.

Here, in the second bathroom, a deity
of hybrids, twilight, fur and embouchures
Ambiguously half-divine they bathe
themselves in dry white wine and muscatel.

Shhh, it's Diaphora, reclusive god
of underwear and immaterial culture.
Within her licit chamber she creates
precise taxonomies for nylon socks.

Meet Simeon, a rakish exquisite,
the god of inept conversationalists.
He sends us tiny snips of winning words
in blurred morse code through moonlit glitterballs.

Druantia, that lost imaginary
deity of hares and damson stones,
We scry your thoughts in weather vanes. Your hedgerow
words run wilder than the eyes of owls.

Lost in the Lucent chambers of the night
above the fossil tombs of trilobites
we leave the gods of flying fish to drift
like moths and dust, space unperturbed by myth.

Tweaks in green. If it gets too confusing then I'll post this in metrical as a separate thread.

Thanks, Sarah-Jane :-)

W.-B. and I happily accept the offer of ice cream and interroband. The usher approaches with a rather ornate tray, on which various items are displayed in a whimsical manner.

Yes, distinctly workworn here, but I recruited an admin assistant today so that'll help, hopefully. Your garden hammock sounds lovely and it's always good to stare at the moon, I find. Now I see you've written out the IP, which is great. I'm a little depleted at the moment, but I'll try to pop back later and make a start with it. First impressions are very favourable!

Best wishes,
Fliss & W.-B. :>x

Fliss, please don't feel obliged to return to my IP of weird deities. It's enough to know that it lands well at first reading.

It's very warm here (and suspect in Cheltenham too) so if you feel like staring at the moon from a hammock or whatever your equivalent is, instead of more staring over the computer at words I completely second that thought.

(good news about the admin assistant, too)

Sarah-Jane

Hi Sarah-Jane,

W.-B. and I don't feel obliged at all! We are very interested in this project and happy to help in any way :-) :>)

Yes, very warm in Cheltenham; humid, really. I don't have a hammock :-( but I do have a lovely view of the sky from where I sit in the studio office, close to my very wide window; and I often like to watch the moon ascend while listening to jazz, for some reason.

Yes also, good news about the admin assistant. I feel I can relax a bit, for a change.

We'll be back :-) :>)

... and here we are :-) :>)

Sarah-Jane, I'm afraid we're a bit later than anticipated and I actually have double vision, lol, but we can start by saying you have four beats rather than five in S1 L1; easily corrected, I'm sure. More soon :>x

Thanks Fliss, and that was late (I was hammocked. I think I'll end up sleeping outside in this weather).

I will go tweak. And I want to re-order the images to see how they work with the IP in that order.

Sarah-Jane

You're welcome, Sarah-Jane; yes, fairly late! And I was a bit hot at the time, but today I've got the fan working so I am feeling fresher. I'm lucky that my bedroom has a north window, otherwise I'd be tempted to take to the gardens, lol.

The tweak is effective. Here's a quick try at the poems:

These unreal ancients, from their starry stage,
present ideas through risograph machines.
They sing of throstle-nests, and seas, faint echo-
chambers filled with silk and keys and dreams.

Now here's a hive of sulky wayward bees
that feast on hot blue stars and hyacinth.
We watch them buzzing through the starry floor
to drizzle honeyed deadlines through our door.

A land as deep as stone that held a well
now holds a whale, fair Subterranea.
She sends her thoughts, of amethyst and loss,
for us to view through salt-tinged vaping clouds.

Within this second bathroom? Deity
of hybrids, twilight, fur and embouchures.
Ambiguously half-divine, they bathe
themselves in dry white wine and muscatel.

Next, shush! for Diaphora, private god
of underwear and immaterial.
Within her licit chamber, she creates
precise taxonomies for silken drawers.

Meet Simeon, a rakish exquisite,
the god of inept conversationalists.
He sends us tiny snips of winning words
in blurred Morse code through moonlit glitterballs.

Druantia, that lost imagina-
ry deity of hares and damson stones,
we scry your thoughts in weather vanes. Your hedge-
row words run wilder than the eyes of owls.

Now lost in Lucent chambers of the night
above the fossil tombs of trilobites,
we leave the gods of flying fish to drift
like moths and dust, space unperturbed by myth.

That's a first go, anyway, and there aren't many changes; it just took a few minutes, so feel free as a bird to take/toss. I've left a little variation in there, but if you 'd like me to sharpen up, just say. And hopefully Cameron will return with some suggestions :-)

Best wishes,
Fliss

Fliss, thank you.

That's extremely helpful. I love some of your edits, too - particularly the loss of 'socks'. I wasn't super-keen on nylon socks (although I do quite like the idea of a jellyfish goddess of underwear waving stray ones from the washing machine) but the only alternative I could think of was 'thong'. And I didn't want a thong in the poem. 'Silken drawers' is perfect.

Here's where I am now -

These unreal ancients, from their starry stage
present ideas through risograph machines.
They sing of throstle-nests, and seas, faint echo-
chambers filled with silk and keys and dreams.

Now here’s a hive of sulky wayward bees,
that feast on hot blue stars and hyacinth,
We watch them buzzing through the starry floor
To drizzle honeyed deadlines through our door.

A land as deep as stone that held a well
now holds a whale, fair Subterranea.
She sends her thoughts, of amethyst and loss,
for us to view through salt-tinged vaping clouds.

Within this second bathroom? Deity
of hybrids, twilight, fur and embouchures
Ambiguously half-divine they bathe
themselves in dry white wine and muscatel.

Next, shush! For Diaphora, cloistered god
of underwear and immaterial culture.
Within her licit chamber she creates
precise taxonomies for silken drawers.

Meet Simeon, a rakish exquisite,
the god of inept conversationalists.
He sends us tiny snips of winning words
in blurred morse code through moonlit glitterballs.

Druantia, imaginary god
of hedgerow, hares and wolves and damson stones,
We scry your thoughts through rain in weathervanes.
Your words run wilder than the eyes of owls.

Though lost in Lucent chambers of the night
above the fossil tombs of trilobites
we leave the gods of flying fish to drift
like moths and dust, space unperturbed by myth.

I've decided that the text will fit at the bottom of each square image. I'm playing with animation - the new photoshop has an animation programme I've not used, but it's better than the basic stop-motion I've used before. Just tiny movements in each image. I feel like it's at the point where everything is starting to come together, which is cool.

And here's a small 'thank you' for you and WB : )

http://sarah-janecrowson.com/wp-cont...iss-thanks.jpg

You're welcome, Sarah-Jane :-)

Oh good; I'm happy to have helped, particularly re. 'silken drawers' as I did think about that for a little longer before returning to the laptop to post my suggestions for your excellent poems.

Where you are now is looking great. The line 'of underwear and immaterial culture' feels long, maybe? I think I might be lingering too long through the syllables, though. It might be worth checking the punctuation, but I think you might be using it differently from me, e.g. using the space at the end of a line.

And thank you very much for your gift for me and W.-B.! I've been a bit beaten up at work recently, so it's pleasant to be heralded 'Felicitous', lol. I like the movement in the foreground, while the backdrop scene is beautiful, not unlike Winchcombe's Sudeley Castle yet with even more trees. And I still love your 'deer lady'.

It's been hot again here today; hope you're as comfortable as possible in your hammock!

Best wishes,
Fliss & W.-B. :>x

Hello, Sarah, I do like l2, its idiosyncracy sounds very much in keeping with your art here and work overall, l1 less so. What I worry a little with these is that at times you're forced to add modifiers to get the beat up to five. Example, here and later on, "starry" is quite a Romantic, dare I say almost outworn way of describing gods (I've just read through a long selected poems of Shelley, and "starry" repeats itself there like a slogan), it doesn't sit well with the more destabilising, surrealistic mode I associate with your work.
I like your break on "echo/champber" even though it does create a headless l4. I'd cut "Here", to my ear it sounds to self-consciously tour-guide-esque. Considering all this, I wonder if you need this much description at all, is the poetry doing the work that the images are already? "hot blues stars and hyacinth", sounds much better, stronger, more strange as "feast on stars and hyacinth", beware of over-writing here I think, especially with ekphrastics.
"words run wilder than the eyes of owls" is all over the place metrically, one too many substitutions. You might consider cleaning it up a little.

I do like these, but I also wonder at their purpose. Why do you need such heavy description when you have the pictures? At their best they are revealing something we would not understand from mere viewing, like the god of underwear and immaterial culture (a real highlight), but I wonder if the lines could be improved by making them sparser and less heavily descriptive.

Hope this helps.

Thanks Cameron,

I like the idea of cutting this back and making it more surreal. I'll have a play with that (I'll enjoy it).

I like the idea of some kind of narration linking the images together, like a surreal play. It's weird, because I know that the found text works, and I know that external people will like the found text. But I have that annoying urge to experiment beyond the cut-ups - see where it goes.

Exploding what I've got to see what happens could be just the thing.

Thanks again,


Sarah-Jane

Latest edition of experiment. I basically used some surrealist techniques on the IP. I like the craziness of the theatrical of the old series so I think this will probably lead to another set of images. So the IP will stay with the old images, and I'll use the erasures in a set of new pieces with the exploded IP. I like the way the text is working on this one, anyway. You may disagree.

Hi Sarah-Jane,

Just a quick, hasty note - I am hopeful it is only preliminary - to say I find your aesthetics here really magnificent. It is splendid stuff, dreamlike and compelling. I'm glad to have discovered them and expect to return.

Cheers,
John

Thank you so much, John. Really, thank you.

That's really lovely, and these things matter. I'm forging on just doing the making, rather than thinking about the context around the making (that will come later, the storytelling, the whys of the making : )

And I've pushed the aesthetics of this forwards, but although I'm someone who needs to share, needs to show (like an over-eager primary school child on a carpet), but I think to commandeer a thread to share my work as and when would be a bit outside of the spirit of this place, so I'll wait a week (eek!)

Onward!

Sarah-Jane