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The nothing that you were before returns
when you are dead. I'll have no use for urns
or graveyard shrines, for ashes stored or strewn.
I won’t be there to read the chiselled runes
that green against a slab of canting stone.
Nor shall I rest in peace, nor sleep, alone
or with my lover's bones. I will not be.
No me. No loneliness. No company.

And yet, when tasked to specify my will,
to fill the aeons that aren’t mine to fill,
an image forms: my father, laid in deep
beneath a green field site, the wandering sheep
grazing above, the country dark, the rain.
Some wraith of wordless ache I can’t explain
would plant me there to keep him company.
Not that he is, of course. Nor would I be.

And then my sister, whom I hardly knew,
her simple churchyard grave. My brother, too,
his ashes, atoms now, lodge there, interred,
within her cot-sized plot. And it’s absurd,
but I would be with them. No loneliness.
No comfort, peace or sleep. No gods to bless
an afterlife that won't come next. No me.
Yet I would rest there in their company.

Cremate my body, then, I write at last.
I sense the void: it’s dark and cold and vast.
Burn away my flesh, grind down the bone.
I would not spend eternity alone.
I know I’ll never know the great abyss,
but share me out among the ones I miss.
For there or not, I’d rest more peacefully
if I had those I love for company.

.

S1L4 "greying"->"canting"
S1L5 was hexameter: "Nor shall I rest, not sleep for centuries, alone"
S3L1 "who"->whom

Hi Matt,
I enjoyed the N's change of mind, and the understated 'cot-sized plot'.
Couple or three niggles.

S1/L2 - should it be 'I have' not 'I'll have'?

S2/L4 - 'site' gave me pause. Felt out of place (and filler.)

S4/L7-8 - 'I'll rest' instead of 'I'd rest'? And 'have' for 'had'?

RG.

Hi, Matt—

I like this piece very much. It is an excellent example of how those beliefs that we think are the established bedrock of our characters really only become clear and focused when they are used in making a real decision. It’s one thing to declare oneself an agnostic or atheist and quite another to make one’s final arrangements. We think that our beliefs are completely rational and often forget to take our emotions into account.

Glenn

Hi Matt

As Glenn said this is very well done. It reads and rhymes beautifully but it also feels natural and unforced. And that's hard to pull off.

I think some of Richard's nits are explained because you have a conditional subjunctive mood going on. I'm thinking that "site" in S2L4 is a reference to a new graveyard, one of those ecological types where they don't have headstones but do have wildlife.

A couple of nits. "Tasked" S2L1 is one of those new verbs that the English language has adopted without checking with me first. Could you not say "asked"?

And S3L1 "who" should be "whom"?

Matt, I like this. I enjoy the way certain words (be, me, no, not, nor, bone, alone, company) keep circling and returning as you zero in on what you want and why. I notice that just one line has six beats (S1L6) and I assume that was not intentional.

Susan

The opening assertion has resonance Matt. I presume 'you' rather than 'I' is for reader inclusivity. Perhaps it is a response to a counter argument.

I like the weight and anonymity of 'slab', and gravestones do become anonymous overtime, though 'greying stone' to reflect an age process didn't get beyond the image of the stone being grey anyway. The listing of urns, shrines etc makes a valid argument from the 'I' viewpoint.

I see the 'wraith' word is making another appearance' : 'Some wraith of wordless ache I can't explain'. Somewhat literary and elevated, perhaps ironically so, but I like the sound anyway. Besides mention of 'runes' and 'gods' allows for that tradition (in poetry). Also the cot-sized plot, atoms, will making anchors the poem to practical, contemporary, and personal. Relatable elements outside the literary world.

I found the poem not too glum, I clung to some humour in the absurdities, though the loneliness, with that demise 'spread' for company, was palpable.

Phil

Matt,

Praise.

Nemo

Matt, this is great. I have but one small observation (hardly a nit), and it is that the phrase "cot-sized plot" feels slightly awkward compared to the smoothness of the rest of the language.

.
I read the first stanza and stopped. It was enough. I'll go back to continue, but I just could not go on for fear of losing what I had read. Yes, praise.

.

Bravo! Nothing much more to say, except it reminded me of Larkin's "The Old Fools," especially these lines from the Larkin poem:

At death, you break up: the bits that were you
Start speeding away from each other for ever
With no one to see. It's only oblivion, true:
We had it before, but then it was going to end,
And was all the time merging with a unique endeavour
To bring to bloom the million-petaled flower
Of being here. Next time you can't pretend
There'll be anything else.

Yea, I'll call this one of my favourites of yours I've read, and one of the more interesting poems I've read in recent memory.

I didn't find much to critique on a quick read-through.

Yes.
[..]

Quite excellent, Matt.

You're very good at sustaining rhymed couplets, and your handling of things here-and-hereafter is tremendous. I like the tactile quality of your description of remains and all the associated considerations.

Rick

Just one very tiny suggestion occurs to me. I'd make it "sister, whom I hardly knew", which I think fits the overall diction of the poem better than the more casual "who".

I also wanted it to be "whom."

Richard, Glenn, Joe, Susan, Roger, Phil, Nemo, Nick, Rick, Pedro and Hilary,

Many thanks for your comments on this! I've made a couple of small changes in response.

Richard,

S1L2 "I'll have no use for ..." is future tense, because that's when he'll no use for them. Present works too, I guess, because it's an opinion he holds now. But in context: "I will have no use for ... [because] I won't be there ... I will not be".

A "green field site", because it's a burial site that's an actual field, where sheep graze (no grave stones, biodegradable coffins). I don't know that there's much established wording for this, but googling, I see things like "meadow burial site" and "woodland burial site" being used. Without "site" it doesn't seem as clear that it's not a conventional graveyard, I think. Or alternatively, that it's not just a field.

S4L7/8, not sure why you're suggesting this -- can you explain?

Glenn,

Yes, the emotional response was surprising. I'd thought I didn't care when happened to my remains. Then again, I guess I'd never really had to seriously think about it before.

Joe,

In the English language's defence, you probably weren't around to ask when "task" first got verbified sometime in the 1400s. Its popularity has waxed and waned since then, though it's definitely had a resurgence of late, and is now is at least as popular as it was in the 1850s. I did have "asked" at first, but went with "tasked" because it implies a chore, something difficult/unpleasant/challenging.

Joe, Roger, Hilary,

I'm not a big user of 'whom'. That said, I guess the language of the poem is fairly formal. Then again, the N may not feel his relationship to his dead sister is all that formal. I'm guessing different readers will have different expectations. So, hmm. I've put it in for now.

Susan

Thanks for catching me miscounting again! I've tried a fix for that line.

Phil

On the stone greying: I liked the colour contrast of green against grey, but as you say, the stone literally greying with age is maybe a bit of a stretch. I think cream-coloured stone does darken as it weathers, but it also greens and browns, too, and besides gravestones can be various colours/shades and materials, and may not even be naked stone. So anyway, I've gone with "canting" for the word-play, but maybe that's too clever. I guess they could also be "crumbling" or "sinking".

Nemo, Jim, Nick, Rick

Not too much I can say to your comments, except thanks!

Pedro

Can you say what it is about "cot-sized plot" that you don't like? Is it the rhyme?

Roger

Thanks for pointing me at the Larkin poem. And see above on 'whom'.

Thanks again, all.

Matt

Joining the chorus of praise, Matt. (I couldn't help but think of Etta James, on seeing the title, but that's by the by.)

I like the "canting" very much.

I wonder about "aeons" in that context.

And have you kind of given in to the sentimentalists at the close? Because you wouldn't really, would you? Or would you? Sometimes I number myself among the sentimentalists.

Really good poem anyway.

Cheers

David

Good question, Matt. I hadn't thought of it that way, but maybe that's it: cot/plot. I remember thinking it drew attention to itself, while not being as lyrical a phrase as what was around it, but I think this drawing attention to itself is probably a byproduct of the internal rhyme. However, sometimes you pay a price for semantic precision, and cot-sized plot has a very precise meaning that I maybe wouldn't want to tinker with, if I were you. Excellent work, Matt.

Very much like 'canting' in the context Matt.

Phil

Hi Matt,

I like this much too. I think you well demonstrate that end-stop lines, perfect or nearly perfect rhymes, and rhyming couplets still have a place in serious verse. The use of these short sentences and punctuated phrases at the ends of lines is very effective: S1L2 I'll have no use for urns....S1L7 I will not be....S1L8 No company....S2L5 , the rain...S2L8 Nor would I be....S3L1, I hardly knew,...S3L2 My brother too ...S3L3 , interred,...S3L4 And it's absurd,...S3L5 No loneliness....S3L7 No me....S4L1 , I write at last....S4L2 : it's dark and cold and vast....S4L3 , grind down the bone....

Even other lines keep a similar pattern and rhythm; however, because they weren't punctuated, I did not add them to the list.

There's many other good things in this and others have mentioned them.

All the best,
Jim

Ha! Well I never knew that. Clearly the language has been on the slide for much longer than I thought. :)

Hi Matt.

S4L7/8, not sure why you're suggesting this -- can you explain?
Seemed to be consistent with S4/L5. It feels more like a hope than an assertion.
Also, if I may, I'll refer you to your reply to me regarding the use of future tense in S1/L2.

A "green field site"
I know what you're referring to, it's just that 'site' invokes planning applications, for me. Knocks me out of the poem.

S1/L5
I don't think that canting works that well, I'd read it as the stone was already leaning, not in the process of moving from the vertical.
Hadn't picked up on 'slab' before. Raised a smile.

RG

Matt,
All I can say to you is, "I am simply blown away by this."

And to Joe:
This made me laugh out loud, when I haven't had an awful lot to laugh about recently! :D:D

Thank you both, Matt and Joe.

Jayne

I too, like Jayne, “am simply blown away by this.” If I have to be critical—and I’d almost rather not—I’d say with David that you’ve “given in to the sentimentalists at the close.” Your conclusion that there is a way, after all, to “rest more peacefully” in the form of “ashes stored” with loved ones gives the poem its arc and cadence, but I was hoping for something more uncompromising—what, I don’t know.

The wording is exquisite: “the chiselled runes that green against a slab of canting stone,” “some wraith of wordless ache,” the simple sentence fragments, all the no’s, nor’s and not’s. Again I’m straining to be critical, but like Richard, I felt that “green field site” was mildly redundant, and the spondee only draws attention to that. “Green field” teeters between cliché and economic neologism. How about “meadow site”? Beyond that, I’m speechless with admiration.

For me, the poem recalls lines from Pushkin:

…

Although unfeeling bones as soon
would molder anywhere as here,
I’d still lie resting in a tomb
not far from places I hold dear.

Around the entrance to the tomb,
let tender life then play and climb,
and let indifferent nature bloom
and with eternal beauty shine.

https://www.ablemuse.com/erato/showthread.php?t=35458

Rich, I am assuming that there is some of this ... https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cant - in that "canting". That's why I like it so much. Apologies if you're already well beyond me on this point.

David

David, Joe, Pedro, Phil, Jim, Richard, Jayne,

Thanks everyone for your comments!

David,

I'm glad "canting" worked for you, and you picked up the double meaning.

Are you wondering about "aeons" in that the imply too long a timescales? That nothing (a grave, an urn of ashes) will last that long? I think I was imagining him pondering the question of how to spend eternity, rather than the more literal time-span of his physical remains, which could be very short, for example, how long do ashes remain if scattered on land, or in the sea, say?

I think I have given in to the sentimentalists to an extent. The N starts out thinking he doesn't care what happens after he's dead, because he won't be there to experience. He ends up realising he does care, that the thought of it has an emotional impact, but he still doesn't believe he'll be around to experience it, that it'll actually make any difference once he's dead. Does that come across? The caring is more about how he feels now, the emotions he feels while he's alive (necessarily!).

Pedro

Thanks for coming back. If it were the rhyme, it occurs to me that I could swap "plot" and "grave" (from S3L2, two lines above) and have: "her simple churchyard plot" and "her cot-size grave". That sound any better to you?

Phil

I'm glad "canting" is working for you.

Jim,

Thanks. The subject-matter seemed to want a more traditional formal setting.

Richard,

I take your point on "green field site". Googling I see that it's like "brown field site", a term used for a space that's about to have houses built on it. I did think I could go with "meadow site", though doesn't address you dislike of "site" it's not construction terminology. I'll keep thinking.

I happy with future conditional at the close. "It sounds like a hope more than assertion" is fine with me. I've used the simple future for things that are definite, not conditional: he won't be around after he's dead; he won't know the abyss.

With "canting" I'm hoping for a double read: over time the inscription greens with algae and the stone starts to tilt; but also, the stone's inscription is cant.


Jayne,

... and all I can say is "Thank-you very much!". I'm very pleased you liked it.


Carl,

See my response to David above. I do think N is ceding to the sentimentalists, but I don't think the N is quite saying there's actually a way to rest more peacefully. He's not ceding consciousness after death, I think. But if you read it otherwise, let me know.

As I said to Richard, I've thought about "meadow site". But I wonder if I need to say "site" at all. I wonder if I can say something like "hillside field" (or "far-off field" etc). But I wonder then if "field" would be read as "poetic" for graveyard. After all, sheep could wander on a lonely country gravesite. Or maybe I could go with "laid in deep, / wrapped in his cardboard shell", and hope the reader takes from the cardboard coffin that's he's buried in an "ecological" grave site.

Interesting that you see the divided ashes "stored" and not "strewn". I did wonder about "but scatter me among the ones I miss", but there's maybe something about the word "scatter" that seems to work against the sense of being with the loved ones.

And thanks for link to the Pushkin, I can see why you were reminded of it (who is that excellent translator, BTW?!).


Thanks again all,

Matt

The term “greenfield” is usually written as a single word and stressed on the first syllable. The meter actually encourages that stressing, but I wasn’t fooled.

Larkin, Pushkin, but most perfectly and thoroughly: Matt Q. This sentence especially thrills me: No me. I love the repetition with subtle variations.