Promissory
 

IOU (revised)

There is no I or U in love;
.....however, there's an O.
O Love, what do I owe?

...................................You know.
.....Or do not choose to know.


IOU

There is no I or U in love;
however, there's an O.
O Love, what do I owe?

....................................--You know.
Or do not choose to know.

Revisions:
L4 added dash
added a stanza break between L3 and L4

Lovely.

FWIW, on first reading, my expectations conditioned, I imagine, by similar light verse and the cleverness here, the last line sounded like a rebuke. But of course it is a further compliment.

Max, I was a little puzzled by your response. I did intend a possible rebuke in the reply, which I would paraphrase "Either you already know or you prefer not to know because you don't wish to pay it."

Susan

Ah!

What I missed until your message is that there are two speakers. I see now that the italicization of the last line and a foot, and the division over two lines of line three indicate that the italicized words are spoken by the person addressed in the rest of the poem. As my confused and confusing previous message shows, the content was pulling me toward that reading despite my missing those things. Thanks for clarifying.

Hi, Susan!

Since italics are asked to do double duty in this poem, indicating both letters/words and also a change in speaker, I think an em dash instead of, or in addition to, the dropped line will help to clarify the latter.

The dropped line + italics might have been enough of a clue in former generations, but modern readers so rarely encounter those (in these days of online publications, whose editors often struggle with typography beyond the basics) that if you don't want the clutter of quotation marks, an em dash might be just the ticket.

Thanks, Julie, I have added a dash to L4. I hope that helps to point the reader to the change in speaker.

Susan

Susan, I think the dash definitely helps clarify that there is a new speaker. I love how compact this poem is, like an actual IOU note.

Hi Susan,

I still think there's more work to do in showing the change of speaker. It is such a key component that it should not be puzzling in any way. I wonder whether the dashes to introduce dialogue as used by James Joyce and Cormac McCarthy would work.

All the best,
Jim

*coming back to clarify that I mean a more extensive use than already suggested by Julie and seconded by Hilary. maybe something like this and maybe even getting the implied "U" actually in use by the second speaker in some way:

IOU

——There is no I or U in love;
however, there's an O...
O Love, what do I owe?

——Yo(u) know—or do not
choose to know.

Jim, I have tried adding a stanza break between the two speakers.

Susan

Hello, Susan,

Popular style guides—such as The Chicago Manual of Style—generally advise against using an em dash to begin a sentence, as in:

—You know.

Dashes are typically used mid-sentence for parenthetical or interruptive purposes. For that reason, I’d suggest avoiding it here.

Instead, if you’re aiming to indicate a shift in speaker or tone, stanza indentation can communicate that more effectively. For example:

There is no I or U in love;
however, there's an O.
O Love, what do I owe?

                                 You know.
      Or do not choose to know.

That might preserve the intimacy while also clarifying the structure.

I realize that with your poetic license, you can throw the rules out of the window, including styling ones. Still, I believe it's likelier you'll achieve consensus of interpretation by readers and editors with standard conventions than through the vagaries of uncommon and non-standard presentation.

Just my two cents—but I hope something here is helpful!

Cheers,
…Alex

I like Alex's suggestion for the format.

Hello!

Although it took me a couple of readings to finally grasp the meaning of it, the concise, and exceedingly flirtatious tone of the poem, with a sort of romantic naivety suggested by the first character in their query, as well as the more dominant air of the response by the other lover sum up a dainty trinket of poetical love!

This kind of gives me the same 'vibes' as that anonymous and untitled Elizabethan epigram which starts off with, "My Love in her attire doth shew her wit," Although the topics are essentially different with the epigram being more erotic, they both hint at that amorous subtlety.

Good Job!

Thanks for the additional suggestions.

Alex, I wasn't entirely comfortable with the dash, so I have tried removing it. I have also tried indenting the trimeter lines, and I think I like the look of that. It isn't quite the same as indenting the second speaker's lines, but it has a similar effect.

Hilary, it is good to hear that you like Alex's suggested format change.

Alessio, to me, the tone is more ironic than flirtatious. But different readers bring different assumptions to a poem, so they often get different things out of it. For instance, when I capitalized Love in L3, I was thinking about the abstract idea of love, but I realized that it could also be taken as addressing a lover.

Susan

I like the new indentations and extra vertical space. Much more graceful than the em dash.

Annoyingly, I think I prefer the original lay-out, Susan. But I still like the content. Beautifully succinct.

Cheers

David