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By request, I'm putting up a new double dactyl challenge. Only this time, no higgledy-piggledy cop-outs. Your nonsense word must have some bearing on the subject of the poem. Here's my example, written when my youngest grandson showed up in the wrong century.
Y2K Nursery Rhyme Calendar-schmalendar! Harrison Taylor, boy; special delivery, ready or not! Downloaded yesterday, neo-millennial. Doctors don't always know diddly squat. Carol |
LOLOLOL. In a prior incarnation, I produced several Y2K conferences for the financial services industry. At one point I probably knew more about the state of bank's Y2K efforts than most people in the country. This brought back those days to me. Technical-schmentical, this cracked me up. And trust me--the banks didn't know much more at first either.
Tom |
Winningly-Sinningly Vladimir Nabokov Felt that H. Humbert would Surely compare Well with the tortoise, a Serio-comical Hero, who finished a- head of the hare. |
At the Dance Club
Hopefully-Dopefully Christopher W. Heads for the corner and Stands there inert Thinking the Beautiful Neoplatonically Ought to approach him and Teach him to flirt. And, since I think the one I did for Alan might have gotten lost on the thread I put it on, I'm going to repeat it here: Editor-Predator Alan __ Sullivan Rarely concedes that a Poem is done, Tolerates verse that is Heterometrical-- Otherwise right of At Tila the Hun. (This was inspired by the Ashcroft thread. Alan didn't supply his middle initial -- I just hope it isn't 'W'.) [This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited December 13, 2001).] |
<u>Allow me to introduce myself</u>
Beatily-feetily, Pua K. Sandabar, drums in a dither and bats in my hair, tryin’ my damnedest to rhythmo-phonetically slip whacky verse past the critics out there. (....not very successfully, I might add! You folks are good!) ---Pua |
Melody-Swellody Johann Sebastian Bach was a harpsichord Master we know; Surely in light of his Philoprogenitive Exploits was also of Organ a pro. |
Euphony-Shmeuphony
Schoenberg, atonalist, Found his recordings of Mozart a tonic Either he tired of his Hypermodernity, Or his new speakers were Dodecaphonic. George Eliot Moralist Schmoralist Author of Middlemarch Marian Evans, though Seemingly tame, Lived with a man who was Never her husband and, Psuedo-eponymous, Took his first name. And one for a former roommate who used to go clubbing with me: Willius-Nellius Sarah and Christopher Frequented Discos of Scandalous mention Dancing as thousands of Masculine Mannequins Neuro-erotically Paid no attention. [This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited December 13, 2001).] |
Carrying Carol's philosophy of the first line a step further, why not make it non-nonsensical, but an integral part of the verse?
Here are a few from a series of satirical portraits I've done: Hollywood cover girl Starlet O'Plasticene turned to a surgeon to boost her appeal; now she's a knockout and oxymoronically begs for a chance to have parts that are real. Oh what a narcissist! Beauregard Vanity's egocentricity's frightfully grim. Could he breed simply by parthenogenesis, soon the whole world would be swarming with him! "Send me your dollars," says Reverend Grubbalot, tacitly hawking sal- vation for sale. What a damn shame that his insensitivity, preying on weakness, won't land him in jail. Jan |
The form for the DD is strict about masculine rhymes on lines 4 and 8. For those times when feminine rhymes would be useful, we can switch to the McWhirtle. I had heard about the McWhirtle from Kenn Nesbit, the 'Rhymesaurus' softwear creator, so I started trying to find out more about it. I even tried John Mella, who said he was familiar with the form, but had none at hand as examples. I finally reached the author himself after much effort. Dear Ann Landers --------------------------- I'm really disgusted With Myrtle McWhirtle, The out-of-work bimbo Residing next door. She knows where to find Herself honest employment But chooses instead to be Neighborhood whore. Named for the example above, the "McWhirtle' is a relatively new verse form, created by Bruce Newling in 1989. It is much like a double dactyl, but each stanza opens with an iambus, followed by seven anapests. The metrical feet are allowed to rove over from one line to the next. The last words of each stanza rhyme; rhymes elsewhere are optional. To me, it seems much superior to the DD, both easier to compose and more enjoyable to read, especially when the author (Bruce again) can mix in other rhymes: A scholar who lives in The village of Cadder Delivered a talk from A rickety ladder. So now he discourses On physical forces That clearly have made him Much wiser if sadder. Note here, with the feminine rhymes, the stanzas can also be said to be amphibrachic dimeter, as well as one iamb and seven (roving) anapests, with a trailing syllable the end. Mr. Newling is a retired professor of geography who occasionally taught basic writing and English as a Second Language during his career. His light verse has appeared in such anthologies as 'How to Be Well-Versed in Poetry' (Viking, 1990), and 'The Random House Treasury of Light Verse' (Random House, 1995). He resides in New Brunswick, NJ (USA). I just had to try one myself, of course: Said Quintus Horatius, "Dear me, and good gracious!" It seems that we rocked him And terribly shocked him: He found us translating His adage on dating, 'Carpe diem', misstating His tip, 'carpe noctem'. First try wrong, as usual. Can anyone spot my slip? |
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Guess it's time to go check out the H and H book again and look. |
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Higgledy-Piggledy Alfred, Lord Tennyson Walked round his garden, in- Toning his vowels, Paused, then apologized: "Dicotyledonous Beans do the windiest Things to one's bowels!" --John Hollander The norm is emphatically monosyllabic rhyme, made more effective by the truncated dactylic lines. Thanks, Hugh, for the "McWhirtle" ["double anapest"? or "double amphibrach"?], though I can't agree with you that it is "superior" to the d-d. Easier to compose, no doubt, though that doesn't seem to me to be a plus. But more enjoyable to read? Well . . . perhaps by default, since most d-ds simply don't work very well? [Dactylic is certainly the hardest of the standard meters to use effectively in English.] Speaking of "amphibrachic dimeter," I have an acquaintance who has a gift and a passion for tossing off amphibrachic monometer "sonnets" [i.e. English sonnet rhyme scheme]. Talk about esoteric forms! And Latin phrases do have a way of screwing up English meter, don't they? http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif Cheers, Jan [This message has been edited by Jan D. Hodge (edited December 14, 2001).] |
Well, maybe so, but I'd like to find the rule.
And even so, I don't see why one can't extend the concept a bit. I'd have thought it was less of an extension than eliminating the nonsense word -- which to me seems perfectly fine, though clearly non-standard. |
Hey, if Wendy Cope can bend the rules, so can the rest of us! (note line 4) Emily Dickinson Higgledy-piggledy Emily Dickinson Liked to use dashes Instead of full stops. Nowadays, faced with such Idiosyncrasy, Critics and editors Send for the cops. |
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P.S.: Cope's example isn't really a metrical exception at all, but simply a matter of conventional (printed) appearance. The "founding fathers" established the "legitimacy" of hyphenating words at the ends of lines to preserve the (metrical) form, and the cited lines sound, and for H and H would have been written: Liked to use dashes in- Stead of full stops. Yep, they even capitalized the second syllable of the hyphenated word. All a matter of which conventions one accepts, I suppose. http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif Cheers, Jan |
I dare say you are correct, Jan. Bruce Newling was kind enough to send me many pages of his McWhirtles. I will rummage around and post a few on a separate thread if I can discover where I stashed them. Meanwhile, thinking of your friend's "amphibrachic monometer sonnets", how about a DD using the fewest words possible? Incredibly tough to write one that makes any sense, but here is a shot at it: Varius-Barius Heliogabalus Overdiversified Bachelorhood; Tri-sexuality's Characteristically Ideologically Misunderstood. |
Laughingstock - Gaffingstock Clark, to be Superman, Changes his clothing, but Loses his smarts! Why in the hell does he Bassackward-wearingly Pull up the trouser legs Lacking his shorts? |
Hastily - Pastily Sextus Tarquinius Quick on the trigger when Bedding Lucrece, Later suspected some Labiogingival Efforts at first might have Saved him some grief. |
Doubly-troubly,
Carol, her Duchessness pulling a moribund thread to the top, hoping to activate simul-tenaciously twice-over jeopardy: post till we drop. |
Dactyls are hard for me,
two dactyls harder still; iambs and anapests flow in my blood. Trochees and amphibrachs vary pentameter nicely to my tin ear; dactyls just thud. |
Sexiest pecksiest
Iain Donnachaidh drool-worthy sixpack very nice butt choose instead of me superficially a cradle robbing hussy that's also a slut Gabriëlle Joy Eleonora |
Buggery-Pluggery Hopalong Cassidy Said that his missus once Threatened divorce, Catching her husband de- Licto-flagrantedly Trading positions with Topper, his horse. |
"Metrical Poetry,"
"Musing on Mastery," experts and wannabes sharing their views. Sonnets and villanelles, het-met or regular, all come in search of a true Able Muse. |
Topper the horse complained,
"Why do they always say ‘let's do it doggie style?' Dogs do not rule. Why not say ‘horsie style?' Why not ‘like elephants?' Hopalong, hop along, dog-humping fool!" |
Skippity-trippity
Roger-no-middle-name learned to do dactyls; they got in his blood. Balanced like elephants, aerodynamically, dactyls may skip but they clearly don't thud. |
Thermopyle-Bermopyle Constantine Cavafy Said Leonidas the Battle okayed; Even though losing, told Lacedaemonians "Arrows so thick that we Fought in the shade". |
Suffragette, tougher-yet
Susan B. Anthony Got us the vote with her Tireless hard work. Since then the polls became Heterosexual; All share the blame for e- Lecting some jerk. |
Yes Turd, I.
Having demonstrated an evident incompetence in double-dactyl form, in the time honored manner of losers everywhere, I have changed the rules to my advantage. I have invented the Dublin' Dock-Till. No, this is not a bear trap for sticky fingers or an implement for weeding the back streets of the Irish capital, it is a form wherein words have a phonetic similarity to an original well-known piece, The use of regional accents, Cockney, Bronx, Oirish , Whatever, is permitted , even encouraged. This is my first rendition, hopefully you’ll recognise a little song from the Flab Fore. It occurs to me that this would have natural appeal to the multi-talented Nay Jill, Hold. Yes turd, I nude at love, was juice to see le gam touple. Knowth seams is dough, that seared Tuesday sow, I’ll be leavin— yes turd, I. Dunce, Eiffel in love, ( I forget this line) butt-hide in some thin throng now eye, long off her, yes, turd I, A. Nonny-Mouse [This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited January 22, 2002).] |
Jiminy-Criminy Kilkenny Irishman Terribly frustrated Changes the drill; Switches from dactyls to Incomprehensible Lyrics from Yesterday Called a dock-till |
Please do not tell me that
Elinor Rigby's next, picking up turds where the wedding has been. Bad puns and toilet jokes seem to appeal to you more than to other folks. Pick a new sin. This one's been done to death starting in nursery school where the least farting sound caused us to grin. |
Roger I'll do my best
but there is truth in jest, nevertheless, I'll see what I can do, although when I see your name, (each day it is the same) the turds I encounter remind me of you. I'm not so pathological that in verse scatalogical, I'd make an admission, all I did when in school was joke at a kid's fart-- dear Roger it's not smart to let people know why you still act the fool. Roger you sorely prick me and bore me, and now I'm not keen to lock horns with a nit; that you're in my face, Roger and on my case, Roger, I'd accept if your repartee rhymed and had wit. Cheers. [This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited January 23, 2002).] |
Hairy Hugh-Clerihew
Baltimore member too, answers my dock-till elegantly. I think it's a pity that analretentively some people grump at a joke they can't see. oops! did it again. [This message has been edited by Jim Hayes (edited January 23, 2002).] |
Withdrawn.
[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited February 04, 2002).] |
Rogery-dodgery
crying in the kitchen pleads to his mother that it's too hot saying that Jim Hayes is most-ungentlemanly he forgets that I'm giving as good as I got. |
Withdrawn.
[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited February 04, 2002).] |
I'm deleting this post since it stunk.
[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited February 04, 2002).] |
This has little rhyme and no meter Roger. Even syntactically
it has deficiencies. The line breaks are also ill-judged. I would say that this is a draft and that it will repay a little polishing. A good way to judge the intellectual content of a piece is to set it out without the line breaks; "Hardly, Jim. You deceive your fragile ego if you tell it to believe you gave as well as you got. Poppycock! Why don't you read your stuff prior to posting it? Then you could tell meter's a casualty when you make war with verse. Where's the wit if you must ring your own bell?" Now see. The first sentence doesn't really hang together very well. You don't notice that when you use line breaks. I'm not really sure that the third sentence is a sequitur either. The rhetoric to conclude is rather shrill and inconclusive. Rhetoric is a dangerous tool to use in poetry as you may well get the answer you don't want, and also you run the risk of giving the impression that you don't know what the answer is anyway. When you have this refined to your satisfaction, we'll have another look at it. In the meantime I think we should leave off writing poems to each other. |
The challenge of this funexcise is double dactyls with well-chosen nonsense words for the first line. I don't want to see the thread become another thinly veiled opportunity for attacking another poster's style or poetic ability under the guise of verse. Poems that answer other poems are fine, as long as they address the poem itself or the points made in the poem and not the writer. Thanks in advance for keeping out any personal criticism.
Carol |
Withdrawn.
[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited February 04, 2002).] |
Yawn.
However I do agree with your suggestion to close. Further, since it is rather apparent that we are hardly likely to be objective to each other's work might I further suggest that we refrain from respectively commenting thereon save by PM. I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge Carol's requirements and that I wholeheartedly will comply with same, and would also point out that I only responded in defence to your rather mean-spirited attack on my tongue-in-cheek but harmless nonsense posting 'Dock-till'. Jim Hayes |
That's fine then, let's let it drop and go on to something else. Thanks.
Carol |
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