Here is a topic proposed by Richard Taylor, one of our new members:

"There are 11 parts of the human body containing three letters, [no abbreviations ie bum ex,] most are obvious though some tend to get stuck on one or two, so name the 11 parts then write a amusing poem incorporating all "11" perhaps about a person going to see their doctor."

P.S. - I can only think of 6, hmmmmmmmmmm.

P.P.S. - Robe....er....uh...Richard, please forgive me for getting your name wrong. :O

Hi Sharon, thanks once again for puting this on.
"which 6 do you know then"
regards Richard.

Here ya go Richard,

the poem sucks, but I think I got all the words in...

"Good morning, Mr Failinghealth,
and how are you today?"
"I'm feelin' bloody awful, Doc,
I hate to feel this way."
"Well then, good sir, describe for me,
the pain, and where it's at;
I'll then decide what best to do
'bout quickly fixing that."
Well, I've got a bloody earache
and my lower lip's quite sore;
the pain extends right to my gums,
I can hardly move my jaw.
There's this fairly general sort of ache
because I stubbed my toe
and my gut's so big, I couldn't bend
to check it out, you know?
My testicles are burning
(I spilled coffee on my lap),
I jumped up, slipped, and hurt my hip
now I'm feeling like a sap!
To top it off, my left arm throbs
from lifting a beer keg
and I've got this phantom itch
that runs down my wooden leg!
I'll tell the truth 'cos I don't like fibs,
there's something in my eye
plus the missus poked me in the ribs
and I'm too friggin' scared to cry!
So, what do you think is wrong with me, what's your diagnosis?
Is it good, bad or indifferent, do I get a doomsday warning?"
You've got a terminal case of hypochondriac neurosis,
so take two tylenol; if pain persists, come see me in the morning."

HB

Hi H.B.
Thanks for your effort in my bit of light relief, well done sir. It's not easy puting that lot into a poem, I was going to make the Doctor Welsh -Mr Iver Hardy, but I don't think Sharon would have let me get away with that. We used to win a few pints in the local pub in the old days with this one, its surprising asking a half cut lad to name the 11 in a short time limit. They usually got stuck on a couple [gum-and gut] the things they were using most in the pub?
see you round the boards.
Richard.

Without my lip
I could not sip.
Without my eye
I could not cry.
Without my ear
I could not hear.
Without my jaw
I could not gnaw.
Without my gum
I could not hum.
Without my arm
I could not farm.
Without my toe
for all I know
I'd promptly slip
and break my hip
if not my leg.
And I would beg
to keep my gut
intact, uncut,
and gladly fib
to keep each rib.




[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited January 11, 2004).]

I eschewed "gut" and "gum" but still have doubts about "lap"
---------------------------

I don’t believe in Adam’s rib .
Eve came first, and that’s no fib.

Adam budded from her hip
then kissed her on her lovely lip.

She shyly lowered lid and lid
And ran behind a shrub and hid.

He joined her there and placed his arm
Around her waist. That was the charm

that thrilled her, so she wrapped each leg
around his torso, made him beg

until she felt both love and fear.
She whispered in his blushing ear

“Please stop, oh stop, oh no, please go.
And while you’re at it, suck my toe.”

On pleasure they saw eye to eye
and pleased each other by and by

and afterward, she scratched his jaw,
fingered her beard burn, red and raw

and curled up in his waiting lap
and took the first post-coital nap.

Hi Kate,
You are right regarding "lap" because it must be proceeded by another word ie,eye-lid brain-pan ex, the 11 must make sense on there own in terms of the human body.

leg
gut
gum
arm
rib
hip
jaw
eye
toe
lip
ear
Great poem Kate and Roger
Richard.



[This message has been edited by richard taylor (edited January 10, 2004).]

A Ditty I jotted prompted by this Drill
 

Ah, but you are wrong to assume you will go unnoticed for posting under the cover of darkness in an old thread. Spheroid police lurk everywhere, writing tickets and admonishing the young with lectures dripping of morals and heavy sighs.

For you are not entitled to post anything remotely poem-like, dear New Member of Eratosphere.

Look here: http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/view.p...info_newmember

and here

I don't know what system glitch let you slip through the net but I suppose it has to do with the special status of "Drills and Amusements".

And yes, it is frowned upon to dredge up old threads accidentally, but doing it accidentally on purpose is positively scowled upon.

Well, I dunno, Janice, I think you're being a bit harsh. As you say, Drills and Amusements is a special case. Its chief purpose these days is for the weekly competitions, and it would be pretty difficult for a new member to notch up 15 crits before posting an entry for a current competition before the deadline.

True, Erik's post was not for a competition, but the revival of an old thread. Yet there too, as I understand it, members are requested not to do so unless they have something substantial to add, which I would have thought is the case here.

Appology
 

Excuse me, you speak as though I were trying to get away with something, which I am not. I didn't read I was not allowed to post anything remotely poetic in the Drills and Amusements section. And this is not something I was trying to slip through, as you say "lurking in the dark". Why such amplification? I saw other New members had done the drill, read nowhere I could not in this section, and so was mistaken, not willfully doing something immoral. I am willing to submit to reprimanded for what was an honest mistake, yet the severity of the "scowl" is hardly encouraging to one who is new, means well and hopes to contribute as best I can. Why must you speak to me like some pest. It is quite severe. I accept I made a mistake and am sorry for it. I am not trying to do any thing wrong here. I'm not some immoral pest that conspires to slip thought the net by a system glitch to put it in your words. I respectfully acknowledge my mistake, what else can I say. I hope you will not look on me thus hateful and disparagingly, as I aspire to contribute, by no means to ruffle your feathers. I am sorry for this breach, so sorry, I did it out of total ignorance, not willingness to get away with something.

I thought this would signal friendly humor. Alas, I will never make it as a stand-up comedienne.

You are most welcome, Erik. If other new members have "done the drill" before giving the required crits, I would appreciate having the rules officially reworded to that effect.

Perhaps a little sticky to that effect would clarify that anyone new member can dive right in without paying attention to the usual requirement to post 15 crits.

Hopefully we will get some guidance from the moderator staff in this sticky matter. (Yoke, yoke.)

I'm just smiling to myself as Olson faces Soderling on Bifröst... Ragnarök!


(Yoke!)

.

May they both come back intact from the island.

This thread has been reported a couple of times now, and, after discussing it amongst ourselves in mod Valhalla, we're letting it stand as is. D&A is a separate entity from the workshop forums, so the "15 posts" requirement does not apply. As for the "resurrecting old threads" aspect, the language in the guidelines is open to a thread bump
That language is clearly written with workshop threads in mind, but I suspect the same grain applies to D&A. There has to be a reason to bump a thread. But further to that language is the following sentence, emphasis mine:

In the context of D&A, I think reading an old "drills" thread that inspires a poem is, frankly, "something quite significant." I wouldn't want to see it happen all the time, and I acknowledge that there is the possibility of a slippery slope here...but since this seems to be the first time it has happened in several years, I'm not too worried about it. If it does become an issue, then we'll deal with it accordingly, but as of now, I don't think it's an issue, nor do any of the mods who chimed in over the last couple of days in the mod forum. Including Jayne, one of this forum's co-mods.

In other words, carry on!

Good resolution. I still don't see what the issue could have been, since the rules simply states that a new member must "offer a minimum number of substantive critiques before starting a thread of your own," but Erik did not start this thread, he merely contributed to it.

Welcome, Erik. I enjoyed your poem and I think you'll like it here.

Actually Roger, it doesn't just say "minimum", it says 15 for poetry, 3 for fiction (and I believe 3 for translations.

But probably no new member contacts the moderators for permission to post.

Does this mean that posting at D&A a few times is a free pass to post poems without crit? Or does the 15 / 3 / 3 crit still apply. It's good if we all know what rules (guidelines) apply once the new member moves to a workshop board?

There were several reasons for the rule, or so I was inculcated in the distant past, but perhaps those reasons are no longer valid.

I believe that the "starting new thread" means "do not post poems until you have done your crits". In the sticky above each forum, this is clearly states. (Boldfaced as in original.)

I'm not bucking the moderator authority, just giving the thinking behind my (humorously intended) post to Erik--who I do not doubt acted with enthusiasm.

May I suggest that the rules and guidelines are clarified where appropriate?

Yawn!
This thread no longer seems to be a Drill or an Amusement.

Would anybody like to compose a limerick to capture its tedious fatuity and to recapture the spirit of D and A?

D & A is a fun, happy board,
and while problems must not be ignored,
let's move on from this now...
...Time to show Erik how
we don't argue - we're of one accord!

Will that do, Martin? :)

Welcome to the Sphere, Erik; this is my advice: Don't bust a gut to start your own thread with a poem on Metrical or The Deep End (but, as we've just established, it's OK to post on Drills & Amusements)... count your substantive crits on others' poems [separately] and make it more than 15, so that you're home and dry. That's what I did. I didn't rush it as I was so nervous about starting my first thread anyway... :eek:

The 15 crit rule is only to prevent vanity posting.

"Does this mean that posting at D&A a few times is a free pass to post poems without crit?"

No, Janice, it doesn't mean that. A bit of common sense needs to be applied here. New members can post at D & A if they wish, but they must also give 15 crits before starting their own thread. That's clear enough, I think.

Jayne

Thanks, Jayne, for clarification. I fully support that modus operandi and like Grendel's mother will now shuffle back to my gripy lair. :o

The Grandeur That Was Rome

It's the same old cyclical story:
idea, devotion and glory.
A structure, a fall,
then nothing at all
but an echo: a posteriori.

Erik, Welcome to you. You may even come to enjoy yourself here one day.

But, a word of friendly warning:--

Sphereans' crits, what I've seen of them,
Can be nit-picking rants, which is mean of them.
If you're critting me don't --
In fact, promise you won't --
Waste your time and mine on fifteen of them!

Janice, it doesn't really matter now, but I think the guidelines make a clear distinction between contributing to a thread and starting one. I see no ambiguity at all. There is nothing there that says or suggests that you can't contribute poems to an existing D&A thread before you've done 15 critiques. And such a rule would make no sense, since posting a poem to D&A does not solicit critique or other effort on the part of other members.

I understand how you are thinking, Roger.

But in actual fact every post cuts up a notch on the crit measuring stick. So theoretically one could post 15 poems at D&A and be released by the system to post throughout the workshop boards. Who would know? Who would care? Perhaps not even those who scrupulously did 15 thoughtful crits in order to qualify for posting privileges.

I wouldn't waste a lot of sleep over it should that restriction be lifted, and believe me I don't like being one of the Griping Crowd (small crowd actually, only two at last count).

Laissez-faire may be a preferable alternative to rule of law. But until that change happens, it is a good idea for all of us to stay updated on the guidelines and FAQs and to the best of our ability follow them.

Janice, I agree that "it is a good idea for all of us to stay updated on the guidelines," and that's why I cited the clear guidelines to point out that the 15-post requirement only applies to starting threads, not to participating in a thread someone else started. You say you "understand how I am thinking," but if you are suggesting that the guidelines can be read in a way other than what I have said, I do not understand how you are thinking. The guidelines are clear, and I would suggest that you owe Erik an apology for misreading the guidelines and then chastising him in public based on that misreading. (Once again ignoring the other guideline that says these matters should be handled privately, where possible, and not in the thread itself).

Again, I'm very happy Erik has joined us. His poem is slight, as befits D&A, but shows that he's certainly not a beginner. I'm guessing he has a lot to contribute.

Thank you for this, Roger. I'm looking forward to his contributions. Unless, of course, we've already driven him away...

True, the critter was thoroughly green,
But inserting his post was obscene.
Oh, that Tarquin-like tread!
That poor innocent thread!
Oh, the shame of it! Under fifteen!

(Only joking, Erik! Welcone to the madhouse.)

Hear, hear! May I join in wishing you (and your poem) a hearty welcome, Erik!