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[This message has been edited by Mary Meriam (edited November 23, 2006).]

Bad English

for Mark Allinson

It's not the don't-got or the ain't-no, no,
you can't blame bling or the coinages that crop
up in the teenyboppers' hip-hop, rock and pop.
They said the same of bebop, long ago.

It's not the white kids' like or the rappers' yo,
or the yeah-yeah up in heah that's got to stop.
Hwaet! was overused by the ancient scop.
Where some say dude, the dead dudes once said O.

But whoa, the po-mo lingo's got to go.
Can't take no mo, these mo-fo's take the cake.
Gimme a break, the clothes they make are fake,
the emperor's naked, shakin it like a pro,
killing the love of lit the gits don't know,
raping the language just for raping's sake.


[This message has been edited by Rose Kelleher (edited July 15, 2006).]

WORDS FOR TWURKING

I killed a cop then slapped a ho.
Who's been messin' with my blunt?
I traded in my bling bling fo
more ammunition for my pump.
You'll never see me scrap a lick
for strawberries or skanky slores,
and yet I can't forget my tip,
so pass the zootie, bring my fours,
and don't be hawkin' me no bammer.
There's just one bammy's good for nuttin'.
show me the nail I got to hammer.
You know the crib they put King Tut in?
That's just bling bling wigger taxed.
Forget that shit, live on in wax.

If anyone needs Real Player to hear the rap sonnet audio clip mentioned above, here's a link to download it. http://www.real.com/freeplayer/?rppr=rnwk

Yo Ro - ho ho ho - can't touch it

Yo Ro - whoa! - hammertime

Any of yo mo-fo hoes got mo?

Pop the snitches, tap the bitches, hit
the clubs and flash some bling. I'm rich as Shaq
and hit jus' lahk a hammer. Bamma, git
yo' camer-ah, 'cause (Damn!) her booty's black
and fine, on time! She's mine! Step back! No crack-
er'd better try to get 'er wet, or he'll
regret that move. I'm smooth, but I'll attack
yo' ass jus' lahk Iraq. Let's keep it real.
You feel me, Jack? Don't have to guess, I'm bes'.
The res' don't measure up. I'm blessed wit' nine,
and ho's are linin' up from eas' to wes'
to tap that root. We're knockin' boots. Yo' blind
if you can't see the truth. Get steppin', Gee!
Yo' fruity suit's a hoot and she's wit' me!

Larry’s is a damn hard act to follow. I won’t even try.

However, I want to point out for its amusement value this page of rap lyric translations .

I'm with Henry on this. Larry, as my students might say, "Your shit is tight, yo, represent!!"

Wow,
jr!

Larry, I think you killed the thread. Yours is just too good!

They're all good and Larry's is brilliant.
So nearly a Spenserian rap, too.
Best wishes,
David

Wow! I am really taken aback by your reactions. I don't know what I can say, except, "Thank you." http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/redface.gif I guess I won't throw this one away, after all.

By the way, Henry, those rap lyric translations were hilarious.

-- Larry

Yes, Larry, yours is awesome. Now translate Shakespeare into rap for us.

Gee... This is awfully short notice...


Butt soft an' fine, you'll soon be mine!
I'm standin' down here, right on time,
a-risin', sizin' up yo' frame.
Come on! Strip down! Let's play a game.
Show me the moon! I'll sing a tune
and slide up in there, pretty soon.
No, it won't make you sick and green.
You' old enough, 'cause you' fourteen.
You'll open wide, but you won't speak.
I'll fill you up, 'cause you' a freak
jus' waitin fo' my bizness end.
Come on an' meet yo' nine-inch friend.
I ain't too bold, so don't be cold.
The sticky is already rolled,
jus' waitin'. Come on. Take a hit,
then lay back. Gimme all yo' shit,
and I'll give you some cream so white
and thick and sweet, you'll scream all night.
I'm on you like a leather glove,
So come on, Julie, let's make love!

Are you kidding? What's next? Maybe we can all cork our faces up and sing "Jim Crow."

I know this is all in good fun, but the offerings, with the exceptions of Mary's initial post, are pretty tasteless. Parody's pretty tricky -- to do it well means, at the least, to have more than a passing aquaintance with what you're parodying, and to approach with respect until you do.

I will send, free of charge, a rap mix CD to anyone who wants one if they'll agree not to engage in this kind of ridiculousness anymore. I'll even translate the lyrics. But I'll translate them right. Quince's lyrics translation link has some problems. Like it translates "low down dirty" and "hit it" as "violent" sex when neither carries that connotation. On the other hand, by doing so, it DOES continue the age-old tradition of connecting black men's sexualities with their supposed "primitive" violent passions.

But hey, it's a laugh riot!

How about next we write "gay sonnets." Oh, excuse me. I mean "thonnets," girlfriend. I'm sure they'll be just FAAAABULOUS! Or we could do sonnets from ching-chong-China. That'd be fun. Don't forget to turn those "r"s into "l"s people. That's how you can tell it's Oriental.

I'm sure Mary didn't mean for her initial post to go that way. Her poem's actually very interesting. But that's where it got taken.

I bet I reget this. But this shit's got to stop.
-Dan

Daniel, this forum used to be called "Funexcise," which I assume was short for "Fun Exercise." The operative word being exercise. That means trying something unfamiliar, for the fun of it, and risking making a fool of yourself in the process, and not worrying about it. I have no problem accepting that what I produced as part of this exercise bears little resemblance to real rap, and I don't mind taking a ribbing for it. A "Blech" or a "Pbbbbbbbbt" I wouldn't object to. But all this self-righteous vitriol is uncalled for.* I can't speak for others, but for the record, I refuse to be made to feel like a bad person because I tried something different from my usual thing, as an exercise, for fun, and did it ineptly. That's what exercises are for. You try something, and if you enjoy it, then you can go off and become an expert writer of Kustinas or double dactyls or rap sonnets or whatever and get really good at that. But you don't post those masterpieces here.

Everybody else, feel free to write faux-Anglo-Saxon poems in the Beowulf thread. All those guys are dead, so they can't scream at you about what a terrible, racist person you are if you do it badly.

* i.e., fucking bullshit


[This message has been edited by Rose Kelleher (edited July 20, 2006).]

I can't help but recall, here, the chorus from Ludacris' "Who Not Me" ("Who the fuck you talkin' to? Not me. Couldn't be me! No, not me!"). Of course, I expected this criticism. Eminem, Vanilla Ice, and a handful of other white rappers were roundly criticized for daring to write lyrics that contain echoes of those chanted by "real" rappers who brag about their arsenals of small arms, who insult and threaten with violence "lame mother fuckers" (including "swishes"), who proclaim their wealth, talent, and sexual prowess, and who engage in all kinds of trash talk directed at "bitches" and "ho's".

Isn't "parody" supposed to involve poking fun at something? Ridiculing something? I'd be interested to know where the ridicule is, in anything I (for example) have written, in this thread. My own "offerings" have involved little more than the stringing together of the tamer phrases I've heard on any number of rap CDs. I think I've captured the essence of what I've been listening to (at least) pretty well.

This exercise has been quite tame. No one, for example, said, "mother fucker," as in the lyric from Ludacris' "Get Back", which reads, "Get back, Mother Fucker, you don't know me like that!" If I had done so, I suppose I would have opened myself to the criticism that "whitey" is accusing rappers of cursing. All we've got, here, is a group of people who are attempting to emulate the rapid-fire internal rhymes that rappers employ, using some of the themes that they discuss, while attempting to fit those rhymes into a specific poetic form.

Personally, I'd love to have another decent rap CD, as I've worn out my most-recent purchase, "Red-Light District". While I still love that album, along with older stuff from others, you can only listen to the same thing, over and over again, for so long. I won't impose upon your kindness by asking you to send me a free CD, however. Just recommend a title, and I'll buy it immediately.

By the way, thank you for bringing up the old bugaboo of racism, in your attempt to suck the joy out of this thread. I won't go into the details of why the accusation bounces off of me, anyway, without leaving a mark. But I will bow to your sense of outrage and stop posting rap-inspired offerings, here.

--Larry Powers

Larry,

Imitating the most obvious features of another person (or culture's) manner of speech while largely ignoring the context of those utterances is an established form of ridicule. Regardless of intent, it certainly can have the effect of making the person or culture seem ridiculous. Ludicrous, even.

Exercise though this may be, there's a difference between a "rap sonnet" and a double dactyl. A double-dactyl's a form. In a "rap sonnet" the sonnet's the form. The "rap" part is an indication of the voice to be used, and here, it's a loaded voice. I notice that Mary's intital sonnet deals with "rap" themes and does so in an identifiable voice without resorting to the "bling-blings" and "bitches".

A new CD, huh? How about "Late Registration" by Kanye West? It won a Grammy, I think, so you probably already have it.

-Dan

Technically, Larry, I did use "motherfucker," but only because "mo-fo" rhymes with "po-mo" (postmodernism). Then again, my sestina in Snakeskin uses "motherfucker" and has nothing to do with rap. It's a generically naughty word.


[This message has been edited by Rose Kelleher (edited July 20, 2006).]

How do I know whether Rose, Roger, and Larry are poets of color or not? How much color does a poet need before being considered a poet of color? If I have a little color, can I be a poet of color? The last rap song I listened to and enjoyed was MC Hammer's Can't Touch It. It sounds like Larry listens to lots of rap. If Larry's influenced by rap, then more power to him. (ha ha). But let's hear from poets of color about whether they were offended by any of the rap sonnets here. Personally, I'd love to see a thread of queer sonnets. For instance, what would a lesbian sonnet sound like?
Just some quick thoughts,
Mary

Daniel, why not set a good example? Then we can all learn from it.

Larry - that's not a translation.