This was an unsuccessful entry to a Spectator Competition but it nly went as far as P. I've taken it up to Z as you see. Is there a word for this kind of thing? Do Eratosphereans have anything similar they would like to share. Of course if you can make this a better example of what it is obviously supposed to be, pitch right in there. I dont think much of the title. Surely someone can think of a better one, Is the stuff about Venice Lido still true? Is it still there? Is there a gay culture in, say, Venezuala?

An A-Z of Modern Mores

Aloysius can’t afford his
Bloody Bentley any more:
Country cottages he purchased
Down in Devon hit the floor.

Every time he checks the numbers –
Falling prices down the list:
‘God in Heaven, Iolanthe
How on earth can we exist?’

Iolanthe hocks her wardrobe,
Just a teeny bit upset:
Kamikaze Aloysius
Lets his wife run into debt!

Mummy told her, yes she told her!
Now it’s really come to pass:
Over-reaching Aloysius,
Paralytic on his arse!

Quentin Rufus (that’s their firstborn)
Rolls his eyes and tears his hair.
Silly Daddy! Silly Mummy!
Time to ditch the silly pair.

Uncle Ferdy, that’s the answer.
Venice Lido, that’s the spot,
Where a chap can make a packet,
X-rate sex, extremely hot!

Youth is on his side, I guess.
Zeitgeist issues – what a mess!

John,

This is a lot of fun. I can only offer some geographical help in answer to your question. Venice Lido is now a rather staidly respectable suburb of the city; I go there occasionally to shop in its supermarkets. It really comes to life only in the summer months as Venetians trek to their beach-cabins - and its only moment of anything like glamour is in September, when it hosts the Venice film festival. There used to be a Casino, but that closed down a few years back. I've been told there is a discreet gay scene in the woods at the southern end of the Lido (near the golf-course), but I doubt it's a place where anyone could 'make a packet' with 'X-rated sex'. So I think you might be better off with Venezuala (or Vladivostok).

Gregory

John -

This is called Alphabet-Poetry. It's an alphabet poem. I found yours quite entertaining. Below is an article about the genre:

A - B - C - D - E - F - G ~ gee, are these poetry form variations easy - or are they only deceptively simple?

~A~

The simplest variation of alphabet poetry consists of creating a twenty-six line poem using the alphabet, with lines beginning with consecutive letters of the alphabet from A to Z. If you decide to live a bit more dangerously, you could write a twenty-six line poem and begin your lines from Z to A.

This is a contemporary offshoot of the Abecedarian form. Originally the Abecedarian was created in Hebrew and had a stricter form made up of one hundred seventy-six lines grouped into eight-line stanzas. The Abecedarian was considered sacred - some even made the biblical cut.

~B~

If you'd like more of a challenge, try creating a twenty-six word poem - using the alphabet (in order, either A - Z or Z - A) as each word's beginning letter. The challenge here is to create something coherent.

Another version would be to only use vowels (in order, either frontward or backwards) as your beginning letters of each line.

~C~

An additional variation would be to create a poem (with any line count desired) using a single common letter to begin each line. For example, if your first line begins with the letter "B," then every line after must begin with the letter "B."

For a blending of this variation with an acrostic poem, you could have each stanza's lines have the same unique beginning letter, but then the stanzas would spell out something. For example (showing only the beginning letter formation):

A...

A...

A...


L...

L...

L...


I...

I...

I...


V...

V...

V...


E...

E...

E...


~D~

Finally, my favorite version is the one where a poet takes a letter of the alphabet and studies it. What does it remind you of? Does an "o" make you think of a perfect pearl plucked from the sea? Perhaps you take the point of view of a mugging victim and the end of a gun's barrel is the "o" they can see - all they can see - even long after the crime.

Before we end this article let's answer the question posed at the beginning: Are these poetry form variations easy - or are they only deceptively simple? The answer is both yes and no. The forms are relatively simple, but the challenge is, as always, to create density (layers of meaning) with each word and with each line.

---

© 2007 Holly Bliss. All Rights Reserved. This document may be freely redistributed in its unedited form and on the condition that all copyright references are kept intact along with the hyperlinked URLs.

Alphabet
by Edward Lear


A

tumbled down, and hurt his Arm, against a bit of wood.

B

said, 'My boy, O! do not cry; it cannot do you good!'

C

said, 'A Cup of Coffee hot can't do you any harm.'

D

said, 'A Doctor should be fetched, and he would cure the arm.'

E

said, 'An Egg beat up with milk would quickly make him well.'

F

said, 'A Fish, if broiled, might cure, if only by the smell.'

G

said, 'Green Gooseberry fool, the best of cures I hold.'

H

said, 'His Hat should be kept on, to keep him from the cold.'

I

said, 'Some Ice upon his head will make him better soon.'

J

said, 'Some Jam, if spread on bread, or given in a spoon!'

K

said, 'A Kangaroo is here, -- this picture let him see.'

L

said, 'A Lamp pray keep alight, to make some barley tea.'

M

said, 'A Mulberry or two might give him satisfaction.'

N

said, 'Some Nuts, if rolled about, might be a slight attraction.'

O

said, 'An Owl might make him laugh, if only it would wink.'

P

said, 'Some Poetry might be read aloud, to make him think.'

Q

said, 'A Quince I recommend, -- a Quince, or else a Quail.'

R

said, 'Some rats might make him move, if fastened by their tail.'

S

said, 'A Song should now be sung, in hopes to make him laugh!'

T

said, 'A Turnip might avail, if sliced or cut in half!'

U

said, 'An Urn, with water hot, place underneath his chin!'

V

said, 'I'll stand upon a chair, and play a Violin!'

W

said, 'Some Whisky-Whizzgigs fetch, some marbles and a ball!'

X

said, 'Some double XX ale would be the best of all!'

Y

said, 'Some Yeast mixed up with salt would make a perfect plaster!'

Z

said, 'Here is a box of Zinc! Get in, my little master!


'We'll shut you up! We'll nail you down! We will, my little master!
'We think we've all heard quite enough of this your sad disaster!'

[This message has been edited by Martin Elster (edited May 10, 2008).]

John, that is such an excellent piece. I don't think I need to soapbox, you have done it much better.

This form lends itself to frivolous or serious subjects. (or as you have done a seemingly frivolous that ends witha double whammy.)

It brought to mind a sonnet which I particularly like, by Julia Alvarez (from 33) starting "Let's make a modern primer for our kids" and commences with Auschwitz and ends with Zaire.

I'm not posting it because it it is surely under copyrithgt, couldn't find it on the net, but if anyone has either "The Penguin Book of the Sonnet" OR "The Making of a Sonnet", you will find it in both.

John,
I love your poem. I thought, "I'll show him! I'll knock a poem off before I go to bed." After 45 minutes I retired exhausted thinking I'll write it tomorrow.
Funny poem.
Janet
(Pathetic patching up of last stanza to work in Y. I'll write a better poem ASAP)
Poets Limited Lexicon


Aussie poets write an argot
Bloody hard for Poms and Yanks.
Cultural edicts now embargo
Different idioms from our ranks.

English poets fake a diction
Found in football crowds and pubs.
Generally they like the fiction
Home for them is Wormwood Scrubs.

Italy is where a poet
Justifies a decent grave.
Keats in Rome is how we know it
Likes a poet to behave.

Madagascar’s rich tradition
Nurtured by the French écoles,
Overwhelmed with faux tuition
Poets weep to lose their souls.

Qatar poets’ ancient voices
Resonate across the sands,
Since they know the people’s choice is
Taken from the poets’ hands.

USA is overflowing
Verging on a verbal glut.
What they miss is not worth knowing.
Xmas bookshops never shut.

Yevteshenko got them going,
Zeroed on by scuttlebutt.




[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited May 11, 2008).]

Bad Mouthing the Monster

Anyone seeing that monster beware.
Better be cautious and hide over there.
Can't be too careful when it roams around.
Don't make a sound when its feet pound the ground.
Everyone knows that a monster is bad.
Find me a monster who's good, I'll be glad.
Help it just once and it tricks you instead.
I would not help it but hide in my bed.
Just because you see a tear in its eye
Keep far away if you don't want to cry.
Little kids sometimes think it is a friend.
Maybe the monster's bad ways we can end?
No, don't believe it. Just keep far away.
Only the monster will laugh when you play.
People! Stand back. There it comes in the night.
Quiet! It's crying, though ugly alright.
Really I wish it did not shed those tears
Saying it has had no friend now in years.
Tricks it will play. It knows nothing of love
Unless it is food that the beast's thinking of.
Violet, the girl who once lived down the street,
Wasn't so careful. That monster can eat!
Xs and Os she wrote on a love letter.
Yes, she believed that the beast could get better.
Zero's the chance of that. Boy, did it get her.



[This message has been edited by Frank Hubeny (edited May 11, 2008).]

I am considering, well, more than considering, writing a book rather like the one called 'The Game of Words' written by the great Willard Espy. It is ordered alphabetically. I thought by judicious thievery from him and the ever-inventive linguistics professor David crystal (Language Play) plus stealing stuff from Erastosphereans, I would find the book practically writing itself. Sam Gwynn has already, unwittingly, provided me with material for the section on Cento. When I find the publisher(any of you out there publishers?) I will make lots of money. Well, a bit. And will you get any. Yes lots. Well, a bit. Thank you Frank and Janet.

I hesitate to point it out, Janet, but you've forgotten Y. The end of the alphabet is a real bastard, isn't it?

Does anyone know - I bet someone does - why the alphabet is in the order that it is? mean I know it follows, partly, the orderof the Greek alphabet, but only partly. Anyway, like many of the arguments for God, it only shoves the question back one spaceI know someone will know. If you want to know stuff, ask a bunch of Americans. Brits are far too lazy, and unless they went to Eton or some similar establishment, like the great Boris, and his sidecick Dave, too ill-educated.

PS Antipodeans also know stuff, but I don't know how that came about.

Above is a pathetic patch-up attempt to insert Y. I will write a better poem.

Having met dear old souls who study for doctorates they miss because of inconvenient deaths I have settled for just standing there and absorbing the knowledge of others. Amazing what one can pick up.

Check out Wilbur's "The Disappearing Alphabet," which goes through the ABC's speculating what would happen if each letter didn't exist. (I discovered this, by the way, after I wrote a similar but of course inferior children's book about what would happen if each of the numbers 0 to 10 went missing).

Here's Wilbur's X:

The letter X will never disappear.
The more you cross it out, the more it's here.
But if it vanished, treasure maps would not
Have anything with which to mark the spot,
And treasure isles would ring with the despair
Of puzzled pirates digging everywhere.

*
And here's a short one:

At breakfast time, the useful letter T
Preserves us all from eating SHREDDED WHEA.

This is a serious one. Sorry. Macular degeneration is a constant threat in this latitude. (25)

Blindness


As in a drunken dream
Between the earth and sky,
Caught in a golden seam,
Dazzled by sun from high
Eagles who draw my eye
Far into fire where flight
Grips at my heart to dare
Heaven to steal my sight.
Infinite light is there,
Jagged with rays to bite,
Kindling the blur of night.
Loosen your dagger, pain,
Metal can shine as bright.
Nothing is white again.
Onyx with bands of black,
Palings with strips of glare,
Quasars that answer back,
Riddles that mock despair,
Silent with hot contempt,
Taunting the image lost.
Unequal beauty bent,
Vision, remembered tossed
Withered into the past.
Xeroxed from grey to wan.
Yelping for nights that shone—
Zodiacs dead and gone.



[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited May 11, 2008).]

This are hard. I had fun writing this, but doubt it's going anywhere.
"This are hard." hmm, yas, and you find English hard, too, dear?
Should have said: These are hard to write.

Alphabet of Aging

after all
...... everybody ages
every body
...... bees to babies
crash that car
...... like a cartoon coyote
down that dinner
...... like a goddamn dog
elbow to ether
...... e-mail to other
it happens fast
......faster than feeling
gets going
...... in the guzzling gut
harbored hell
...... now hell-bent
inches your ice-floe
...... home into
the jail, the jungle
...... the unjust junkyard
of aging, akin to
...... kingdom Kaddish
lullaby lost
...... last longings
unmoored, mother
...... and father, no more
nor neighbor, for need
......nor nestling, for comfort
nor ovum, nor opening
...... longing only
for peace impossible
...... or ripe pears
or queer quiet
......or quenched thirst
no rest results
...... from running down
it’s simply the same
...... sob story
two-timing
...... fleet time
losing, the usual
...... you and your
vivid visions
...... of worthy investments
oh God, the wait
...... worry, waste
extra, excess
...... yet inexorably
when youth evades you
...... be young! be young!
be in the zone
...... of zip and zest



[This message has been edited by Mary Meriam (edited May 11, 2008).]

Thsee look fun. You've all done well with them. I started one, but can't seem to focus with so much congestion in my head.

Anesthesia would be nice
to put Bronchitis crud on ice
Colds are wicked to the core
Dragging me down to the Druggist's store ....

Eh, I think I better wait till I'm feeling better to write anything!

Janet, that's really good.

Here's one of the many not-quite-there alphabet poems (or alphabet board books) I have in progress:


Guided Tour of the Alphabet


The first four letters you will see
are known as A B C and D.

I’m sure you recognize the A
from inside words like cAt and plAy,

and B, I’m sure you know quite well,
begins Banana, Bat and Bell,

and C and D are truly handy
spelling words like CarD or CanDy.

Then come E and F and G.
We get to Eat because of E!

And if an F should make you Flip,
you need a G to get a Grip.

Next up: H and I and J.
H makes Horses who eat Hay.

The letter I is of great use
in making Ice-cream. J makes Juice.

After that comes K L M.
Thank goodness for all three of them!

How could we write down MiLK if they
packed their things and moved away?

Up ahead: N O and P.
They spell NOPe (along with E).

Beyond the P you’ll find a Q.
Quick, before it Questions you,

let’s move on to R S T!
At last, you now can ReST. U V

and W wait beyond the turn.
Ultra Violet Waves, don’t burn!

Then X Y Z, alive and chipper,
arrive to say eXamine Your Zipper!

And that’s as far as we can get.
I hope you liked the alphabet!

John,
Your "An A-Z of Modern Mores" gave me quite a chuckle in the wee early hours this morning. Thanks.

Steve

[This message has been edited by Stephen Rowe (edited May 18, 2008).]

>>Does anyone know - I bet someone does - why the alphabet is in the order that it is? mean I know it follows, partly, the orderof the Greek alphabet, but only partly. Anyway, like many of the arguments for God, it only shoves the question back one spaceI know someone will know. If you want to know stuff, ask a bunch of Americans.>>>

Amuricans are born now with the google gene, which makes
us all look rather smarter than we are.

We'll also be the first to get the implant. Right behind the ear, and underneath the baseball cap. Will keep all you foreigners posted.

....Actually, just a couple of weeks ago I was researching the alphabet for a project I'm doing, myself. I swear I'm not stealing your idea, though
I would like some kind of royalties for passing on this plausible theory:


http://www.straightdope.com/columns/070302.html

I have no abcedar(ic?) poems, but I have written a few
about letters and punctuation marks. I think they
might be the poor cousins of the abcedary.


----


About Certainty

So much can be learned
from the open curve
of the question mark,
from the comma’s calm,

from the certain G,
and the soft w,
from the kindred link
of the q and the u,

and yet,

and yet,

in this state,
a breath away
from the fervent curve,
from the i and the u

is the certain fear
of a kind of dark:
the abrupt chagrin,
the erasure mark.

And here is Wilbur on the asterisk. I know it's a stretch
on the abcedary theme, but it's such a lovely thing.

*
The asterisk
Says look below, as a star
We prize for its being far
And longing ask
For some release,
Joins to a dog or a bear,
A dipper, a tipping chair.
They give us peace
These downward looks
Of stars, the way they note
The birth of gods, and dote
On seaward brooks.
Some of the sea's
Stars are alive, I've seen
Them figure the white-green
Ocean frieze;
And I've known
The sea so rich and black
It gave the starlight back
Brighter. It shone
As if the high
Vault were its glass, and thus
It is. It's up to us
To gloss the sky.


-------

And here's mine, on the semi-colon, with a few asides on...uh...er...me.

Biographical Note:

I am a semi-colon kind of guy;
enamored of the curlicue, the dot;
the quiet, understated way it’s got
of letting life just slide and sidle by;
a ritualistic pause that may imply,
a thing or two, a shrug, a sigh, is what
I choose to offer; not the cold-and-hot
assaults of passion that transmogrify

a subtle hint into a joust with God:
no images, no metaphors, no blood,
no wild-eyed horses dying in the mud;
I don’t make love or war, I simply nod;
and as I semi-smile and semi-bow,
my semi-colon arcs a jaded brow.

The Punk of Punctuation

I say the semi-colon's trash.
When I need to pause, I dash.

And if we are now into the realm of punctuation as well as letters:


HISTORY OF PUNCTUATION, PART 1

Vasco de Gama
discovered the comma

and played a large role in
the birth of the colon.

He purchased from gypsies
the world's first ellipsis

then spent his whole life in
pursuit of the hyphen.

On Vasco's suggestion
we now end each question

with squiggles that look
like an upside-down hook.

His accomplishments: myriad.
A great man. Period.

Oops, sorry for posting again, but I just noticed that the discussion about why the alphabet is in alphabetical order, and I have a (children's) poem on that very subject:


TAKING TURNS

Who said the alphabet should start
... with A instead of B?
It's much politer to take turns.
... Wouldn't you agree?

On Tuesday let's let B go first
... instead of the letter A.
On Wednesday C, on Thursday D,
... let Friday be E's day.

Then F or G should have a chance,
... then H I J K L.
Why should the letter A go first?
... No reason I can tell.

From time to time why not begin
... the alphabet with M?
So many letters aren't A!
... Why don't we start with them?

Then there's N O P Q R
... S T U V and W.
And X Y Z. Yet A goes first?
... Doesn't that fact trouble you?

Abcedary Horror-Mystery:

y’s tailing x . . . . but what comes after z?

Frank

Semicolons remind me of the floating island of San Serriffe, Britain's last
semi-colony. http://typographica.org/000557.php http://century.guardian.co.uk/1970-1...106920,00.html