The Year of the Bear
 

Jim Hayes and Martin Elster got honourable mentions in the Speccie Apologies Competition. Good for them. This week's Speccie isn't for verse but there is a splendid Competition inThe Oldie

Competition No 110

A bear market has been notable in the financial world. A poem, please, called 'The Year of the Bear' not necessarily in the Stock Market sense, in which all the rhymes rhyme with bears. You can email your (winning I hope) effort to comps@theoldie.co.uk. Closing date 10th April.

Two more thing I should add. There are four £25 winners and the winner of winners gets a Taylor's of Harrogate tea and cake set (!!!), and £25 natch. Oh, and, though they don't say so, I wouldn't send in more than sixteen lines.

Bears, with an s?
Just checking...

And is it supposed to be funny?
Oh, and when's the deadline?

Sorry about the closing date. It's 10th April. I'll insert it into the original post. Yes, I think funny would be good. And 'Bears' is what it says. Rhyming with stairs and Squadronnaires. And prayers if my rhying dictionary is to be believed.

Thanks, Whitty.

The Year of the Bear

A kind bear is a bear that shares
his honey and the kind that spares
your life, and not the kind that tears
the limbs off anyone who dares,
quite huffily, to put on airs
and stick his nose in bear affairs,
and thus to join the man upstairs
who never listened to his prayers
but listened to his greedy heirs,
the year's first bear-made millionaires.

And very nice too, Roger. I suppose it's a case of how long one can go on until there are no more rhymes available. Gavin Ewart did a monorhyme about owls . I expect it can be googled Too-hoo the owls all... something like that. His wentover the page but it's an easier rhyme.

Speaking of comps, I did in fact finally get a 25 pound check from the Spectator. I doubt that my local Quik-Stop will cash it; I wonder what my bank with think . . . . John, maybe I can endorse it over to you when you're here!

You will probably get screwed by your bank on that 25 pound check...
I recently got about $60 for a $100 check from Canada, after the bank got through with all the paperwork & fees. Of course, here in Breaux Bridge they'd probably never seen a Canadian check before.

An aria sung by Peter Pears
Should caution markets run by bears,
Which, running downwards down the stairs,
Have managed to reduce the fares

By quarters, parcels, points, and pairs
Into ungodly unawares.
Must we be all the Kingis Quairs
And sullen lie within our lairs,

Or should we be Ourselves Awares
And strive to multiply our mares?
I say, like Frenchies, Nous somme freres,
We cannot count ourselves by cares

And wonder if some downturn bares
A lower price that fixes wares
At levels where the trader scares?
I say, Let's liquidate our shares!

Alas, the English squeaky bastard pronounces his name 'pierce' according to some bugger on the internet. A.J. Ayer's? Walter de la Mare's? John Clare's,The Comte de la Fer's (if you know your Alexander Dmas, which I'm sureyou do). Re cheques/checks. I change many an Australian cheque, though it's true by robber Baron of a bank (HSBC) takes FIVE POUNDS for doing this. Perhaps American banks are more generous (hah!) I think you can endorse said cheque/check to Whitworth who can then cash it in Whitstable on his weekly visit there. I will check/cheque. He can then buy dollars there and send the cash back across the Atlantic. This is for the benefit of other winners. Specuial relationship. Of course in your case, Sam, we will meet face to face and the business can be transacted on that basis.

Congratulations Jim & Martin.

Sam won 25 whole pounds sterling, eh? Should come out to -- at least 30 bucks, right -- even after the middlemen chew on it?

Let us know how much you end up with, Sam.

Thanks, Wendy! And congrats to you, Jim. I thought your piece was really clever and funny.

Best wishes,

Martin

Got a better idea, John. I give you the checkque and you buy a good bottle of single malt while you're over here. We drink it, then you cash the chequek at home and buy another bottle which we drink if I get over there in June. What could be fairer? More fair?

"Pears" = "Pierce"? And "Pierce" probably rhymes with "nurse." Damn Brits and their surnames. Next you'll be telling me that Cholmonderley has only three syllables.

Sounds good to me re Malt Sam, particularly as single malts are CHEAPER over here, yes really. When I worked in London near Little Venice and and consequently Lord's was but a step away Middlesex had a batsman called Featherstone pronounced Featherstone. I would never say that Cholmondeley had three syllables under any circumstances whatever.

There once was a curate of Salisbury
Whose manners were quite halisbury-scalisbury.
He ran about Hampshire
Without any pampshire
Till his bishop compelled him to walisbury.

Chew on that. And while we are about it I have found a competition judged by two respectable people, Fleur Adcock and Michael Schmidt, with a set subject, a very old-fashioned sort of thing. And Fleur is a sucker for metrical verse, being a dab hand at it herself. I shall open a thread on it. She wrote a celebrated poem arguing that smokng was much less dangerous to women than sex. I'll bet you can google it.

Well, I sent in my bears bit but I can't say I was tempted to write humor. It just ain't funny! Even Jon Stewart took it pretty seriously, fer pete's sake.

Thanks again for the info, John!